Reframe addiction not as the primary problem, but as a person’s attempt to find relief or a solution to underlying discomfort or stress. This perspective helps in understanding the root causes and developing more effective, sustainable solutions.
Learn to increase your capacity to experience difficult emotions and discomfort without immediately seeking short-term relief from substances or behaviors. This allows you to face pain and become more available for joy.
Recognize that addiction often stems from a cycle of trauma (wounds), stress (relationship to the wound), and the search for relief. The addictive behavior then creates new traumas, perpetuating the cycle. Addressing the underlying wound is key.
Examine what you love the most and prioritize a ‘higher power’ (which can be God, community, or a guiding principle) above things like money, relationships, or pleasure, as these can fail you when made the ultimate priority.
Strive for authenticity by becoming the ‘author of your life’ rather than plagiarizing from past reactive patterns. This involves making conscious choices that move you forward, even if they feel risky or unfamiliar.
In recovery, admit where you are powerless (e.g., over a substance or behavior) and that your life has become unmanageable. This recognition is the first step to finding true power and seeking alternative solutions.
Practice a daily self-reflection protocol by listing gratitudes (including challenges), outlining your day’s plans, identifying your current emotional state, noting what character liabilities to watch for, and defining what virtues to strive for. This helps navigate daily stressors consciously.
Share your daily emotional weather map or similar vulnerable self-reflections with a trusted friend or therapist. This fosters accountability, brings your intentions into existence, and provides external perspective and support.
When experiencing a stress response, focus on activating your parasympathetic nervous system rather than just deactivating the sympathetic. This can be done by asking if you’re in immediate physical danger (if no, it’s discomfort, not threat) and using breathwork.
To quickly calm your nervous system and activate the parasympathetic response, practice breathwork with long exhales. Even taking seven focused breaths can help regulate your emotional state in moments of activation.
Schedule proactive practices like Yoga Nidra (non-sleep deep rest), cold plunges, therapy, or community involvement. These activities build capacity in your nervous system to manage distress, making it easier to respond adaptively to real-time stressors.
Engage in Yoga Nidra or Non-Sleep Deep Rest (NSDR) daily, ideally in the morning and late afternoon, or whenever possible. This guided meditation helps relax the body, quiet the mind, increase dopamine stores, and build distress tolerance.
During Yoga Nidra, set a clear intention or ‘Sankalpa’ – a state you wish to experience or a quality you want to bring into your life. This helps guide the practice and reinforces desired mental states.
During practices like Yoga Nidra, guide your awareness through different points in your body (e.g., 61 points). This technique helps shift focus from thinking to feeling, grounding you in the present moment and away from external distractions.
Practice stilling the mind through meditation or other mindfulness techniques. A stilled mind enhances your ability to perceive what is actually happening in real-time, rather than being driven by past narratives or future anxieties.
Train yourself to distinguish between discomfort and actual threat. Our nervous system often confuses the two, leading to inappropriate fight-or-flight responses. Recognizing when something is merely uncomfortable allows for a more measured response.
When a stressor hits, consciously create a gap between the stimulus and your response. This pause, even if brief (e.g., 20 seconds), allows your forebrain to re-engage, enabling strategic decision-making instead of automatic reaction.
Recognize that all external events are neutral; it is your perception and beliefs that assign meaning to them. Practice conscious awareness to choose how you interpret events, rather than reacting automatically based on past narratives.
In daily planning, strive for ‘ways of being’ (e.g., patient, tolerant, kind) rather than solely focusing on specific external goals. This cultivates internal virtues that help navigate challenges regardless of outcomes.
Incorporate small, frequent practices (e.g., seven breaths, a minute of mindfulness) throughout your day, even if you also schedule longer sessions. These ‘grease the groove’ for mental and emotional regulation, making larger practices easier and more effective.
Engage in physical exercise, especially endurance activities, to transmute stored energy and stress from the body. This can calm the mind, improve sleep, and provide a healthy outlet for energy that might otherwise contribute to distress or addictive cravings.
Recognize that humans may have an innate ‘discomfort appetite.’ Satisfy this need through healthy, adaptive challenges (e.g., physical exercise, difficult projects, self-imposed discomfort) rather than allowing it to be fulfilled by unhealthy, addictive behaviors.
Be highly mindful of behaviors or substances that provide easy and quick rewards or pleasure, as these can rapidly lead to dopamine dysregulation, increased craving, and a diminished sense of satisfaction over time.
Be wary of rapid, high inflections of dopamine that do not require effort (e.g., from certain substances or behaviors). This ’easy dopamine’ creates a slippery slope, leading to increased cravings and decreased satisfaction over time.
To determine if a substance or behavior is an addiction, ask yourself: ‘Does it have you or do you have it?’ This helps understand if it’s driving your behaviors or if you’re leaning on it as a problematic solution to underlying stressors.
To self-test for addiction, try to quit the substance or behavior for a month. If all you can think about is doing it or stopping it, it’s a good indication that it has you.
Evaluate what the substance or behavior is impacting in your life, such as disengagement, loneliness, quality of relationships, or motivation, to understand its problematic nature.
If struggling with addiction, find a 12-step meeting (e.g., AA, NA, OA, GA) in your area or online. These free, peer-led communities offer support, shared experience, and a structured path to recovery, helping you feel less alone.
Don’t settle for the first 12-step meeting you attend; try at least six different ones. Meetings vary, and finding a group where you feel comfortable and connected is crucial for sustained recovery.
When talking to someone suffering from addiction, approach the conversation without shaming them. Frame it as talking to a sick friend rather than a bad person, fostering an open dialogue and encouraging them to seek help.
If a loved one is struggling with addiction, seek support for yourself through family support groups like Al-Anon, Co-Dependents Anonymous, or Families Anonymous. These resources help you understand addiction and how to best support your loved one and yourself.
If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, seek a professional assessment from a therapist or treatment center. They can help understand underlying patterns, provide appropriate levels of care, and guide recovery.
If traditional residential treatment is not feasible or desired, explore virtual care and in-home care options for addiction treatment. These services can build relationships and provide support at a lower cost and with greater accessibility.
Recognize that using children to meet your emotional needs is a covert form of abuse, as it burdens them with the job of caring for you and can negatively shape their future relationships and self-perception. Instead, focus on meeting their needs.
Choose not to believe thoughts that occur between 2 AM and 5 AM, as the brain is vulnerable and less strategic during these hours. Write them down if significant, but defer judgment until morning when cognitive functions are restored.
Embrace all aspects of yourself, including the ‘shadow’ (Jungian concept of unconscious, often negative, parts). Running from the shadow is unsustainable, as light and shadow are intertwined and both serve a purpose in personal growth.
Recognize that your thoughts are not always facts; they are inputs. Learn to observe and question your thoughts, especially those that trigger distress, rather than automatically believing and reacting to them.
While initial abstinence might involve ‘white-knuckling,’ long-term recovery requires building a sustainable life and finding pleasure from life itself, rather than solely relying on willpower to avoid the addictive substance or behavior.
In recovery, strive to build a life that exceeds your ‘wildest dreams’ by focusing on personal growth, handling life’s stressors, and finding satisfaction in new experiences, rather than merely abstaining from the addiction.
Understand that balance in life is a dynamic process, not a static state. It involves recognizing when you’re out of balance and having the tools and capacity to return to a regulated state more quickly.
Maintain stable blood sugar levels, as physiological stability can reduce the risk of relapse for individuals in recovery. Being hungry is one of the ‘HALT’ factors (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) that increases vulnerability to relapse.
Be aware of and proactively address the ‘HALT’ factors (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired), as these states significantly increase the risk of relapse or problematic behavior. Prioritize basic self-care to mitigate these vulnerabilities.
View challenging experiences, like intense training or difficult life situations, as opportunities for nervous system training. This perspective helps build resilience and the capacity to perform under stress without resorting to maladaptive coping mechanisms.
For porn addiction, acknowledge it as a problem, talk to someone about it (therapist, community), and establish accountability. This may involve using software to block access or having an accountability partner to break the cycle of shame and secrecy.
Approach porn addiction with the same seriousness and strategies as other addictions, such as seeking therapy, joining 12-step groups, and finding community support. This helps reduce the isolating shame associated with it.