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The Science of Emotions & Relationships

Episode 13 Mar 29, 2021 1h 37m 16 insights
In this episode, I discuss the biology of emotions and moods in the context of relationships. I focus on the science of how early infant-caregiver attachment, combined with adolescence and puberty shape our adult patterns of attachment. I explain the three universal aspects of emotions, the reality of right-brain versus left-brain personalities, and how the roots of adult attachment are also grounded in specific aspects of puberty. I review what factors determine when puberty starts and ends, and the role of oxytocin and other chemicals in controlling how we perceive and remember others. As always, I refer to various practical tools including new tools for understanding and predicting our emotions before they occur, and neurochemicals that shape human connection. Read the full show notes for this episode at hubermanlab.com.
Actionable Insights

1. Deconstruct Emotions with 3 Axes

To better understand your emotional states, ask yourself three questions: 1) What is your level of alertness or calmness? 2) Do you feel good or bad (valence)? 3) Is your attention focused primarily inward (interoception) or outward (exteroception)? This framework helps in placing value on emotional states and understanding their meaning.

2. Structured Emotional Understanding

Rather than just labeling emotions (e.g., happy, sad), conceptualize them in a structured way by considering levels of alertness, the dynamic interplay with external events, and your perception of internal states, to gain a deeper understanding and richer emotional experience.

3. Practice Attentional Control

Practice deliberately shifting your attentional focus: first, close your eyes and concentrate on internal sensations (body contact, gut, heart rate, breathing), then open your eyes and focus purely on a small external object. This exercise helps develop control over your interoceptive-exteroceptive balance.

4. Regulate Emotion via Attention

When you feel overly focused internally (e.g., anxiety about public speaking), deliberately shift your attentional spotlight outward to engage more effectively socially. Conversely, if too externally distracted, shift inward to better understand your internal state and manage emotional responses.

5. Utilize NSDR for Restoration & Learning

Use practices like Yoga Nidra or Non-Sleep Deep Rest (NSDR) to achieve different brain and body states, restore cognitive and physical energy (even with short 10-minute sessions), and potentially aid neuroplasticity to enhance learning.

6. Free NSDR for Deep Relaxation

Access the free 30-minute NSDR script (linked in the episode caption) that focuses on breathing protocols and a body scan to achieve deep states of relaxation and restore cognitive/physical energy, distinct from traditional Yoga Nidra.

7. Balance Bonding Activities

Build healthy emotional bonds by engaging in a seesawing balance of activities: calm, peaceful, soothing, touch-oriented, eye-gazing behaviors (driving serotonin/oxytocin) and excited, adventurous activities (driving dopamine) with others.

8. Optimize Hydration & Electrolytes

Dissolve one packet of Element in 16 to 32 ounces of water and drink it first thing in the morning, and also during any physical exercise, to ensure adequate hydration and electrolyte balance for optimal brain and body function.

9. Daily Nutritional Support

Take Athletic Greens once or twice a day to cover basic nutritional needs, make up for deficiencies, and support microbiome health, as it provides essential vitamins (like D3) and minerals (like K2) and probiotics.

10. Ensure Youth Sleep for Mental Health

For youth at increased risk for mental health problems, prioritize and insist on sleep interventions, as getting regular, quality sleep of sufficient duration is crucial for supporting almost every mental health issue.

11. Understand Teen Dispersal Biology

For parents of teenagers, recognize that the desire for adolescents to spend more time with friends and less with primary caregivers is a normal, biologically driven process of ‘dispersal’ and not necessarily a sign of personal rejection.

12. Foster Safe Teen Autonomy

During puberty and adolescence, encourage as many safe forms of interaction that allow teens to test their autonomy and make good assessments about how their chosen external events make them feel internally, broadening their experiences.

13. Enhance Emotional Language

Consider using the Mood Meter app (developed by Yale researchers, available on Apple/Android) to develop more nuanced language for describing your emotional states and to help predict how you might feel in the future.

14. Optimize Vitamin D for Oxytocin

Ensure adequate vitamin D intake, as it is required for proper production of oxytocin and supplementation may increase oxytocin levels, which are important for social bonds and positive communication.

15. Melatonin’s Minor Oxytocin Role

While not a strong effect, low doses of melatonin may slightly prime the system for increased oxytocin release, which is involved in social bonding and emotional connection.

16. Vagus Stimulation Increases Alertness

Recognize that vagus nerve stimulation primarily increases alertness and dopamine release in the brain, rather than universally inducing calmness, which is important for understanding its impact on emotional states and brain activity.