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Science of Social Bonding in Family, Friendship & Romantic Love

Episode 51 Dec 20, 2021 1h 30m 12 insights
This episode I discuss the science of social bonding- the process by which we form attachments. I explain the neural and hormonal basis for "social homeostasis" (our drive for a given amount of socializing) which reveals why we get lonely, why we seek out connection with others and how power dynamics (hierarchies) shape those connections. I also discuss the neurochemical basis of introversion and extroversion, of trust and how shared experiences that promote similar physiological states in two or more individuals, leads to more rapid bonding. I also discuss how food and oxytocin play key roles in social bonding. This episode covers quality peer-reviewed science and practical tools for anyone seeking to find, build or end relationships. Read the full show notes for this episode at hubermanlab.com.
Actionable Insights

1. Synchronize Physiology Via Shared Experiences

To deepen social bonds, engage in shared external activities like watching movies, sports, or listening to music, as these synchronize physiological responses such as heart rate, fostering a stronger sense of connection.

2. Practice Emotional Empathy

Develop emotional empathy by sharing autonomic experiences with others, which can be achieved through appropriate physical contact or engaging in activities that synchronize heart rate and breathing, fostering a deeper, visceral connection.

3. Build Cognitive Empathy

Cultivate cognitive empathy by actively striving to understand how others think and feel, and ensuring they perceive that you understand them, which is essential for establishing and maintaining trusting social bonds.

4. Recognize Introvert/Extrovert Social Needs

Understand that introverts feel satisfied with less social interaction due to greater dopamine release, while extroverts require more frequent and prolonged social engagement to achieve a similar sense of fulfillment. This knowledge helps manage personal social needs and interactions with others.

5. Exercise Social Interaction Control

Utilize your prefrontal cortex to exert conscious control over social interactions, allowing you to override reflexive social drives and make deliberate decisions about who to engage with, when to disengage, and how to navigate social hierarchies.

6. Rewire Early Attachment Challenges

Recognize that early unsatisfactory infant-caretaker attachments do not predetermine adult social bonds; the nervous system possesses plasticity, allowing these early patterns to be understood and rewired for healthier adult attachments.

7. Understand Breakup Neurobiology

Recognize that the intense pain of breakups stems from the severing of both emotional and cognitive empathy, leading to a form of social isolation and the sudden deprivation of major sources of oxytocin and dopamine, which profoundly impacts the nervous system.

8. Validate Online Social Connections

Acknowledge that online interactions, especially those involving shared narratives or stimuli, can lead to physiological synchronization and oxytocin release, thereby fostering genuine social bonds.

9. Supplement Daily with Athletic Greens

Take Athletic Greens once or twice daily to meet basic nutritional needs, address potential deficiencies, and support gut microbiome health through its blend of vitamins, minerals, and probiotics.

10. Supplement Vitamin D3K2

Supplement with Vitamin D3K2 daily, as D3 is vital for brain and body health (even with sun exposure), and K2 is important for cardiovascular function and calcium regulation.

11. Optimize Hydration with Electrolytes

Dissolve one packet of Element in 16-32 ounces of water upon waking and during physical exercise to ensure optimal hydration and electrolyte balance (sodium, magnesium, potassium) without sugar, which is crucial for brain and body function.

12. Utilize Waking Up App for NSDR

Use the Waking Up app for meditation, mindfulness, yoga nidra, or non-sleep deep rest (NSDR) protocols, even for brief 10-minute sessions, to effectively restore cognitive and physical energy and explore different mental states.