Pay attention to your own and others’ emotions to ensure accurate information processing and effective communication, especially in heated discussions.
To understand someone’s position, start by guessing and describing their perspective; this encourages them to correct you, leading to more candid information and rapport.
Practice tactical empathy by verbally demonstrating understanding and proactively calling out predictable negative emotions or perceptions (e.g., “It’s probably going to seem greedy”) to disarm them.
Use mirroring by repeating one to three key words of what someone just said to encourage them to elaborate, ensure understanding, and help them regain their train of thought.
Employ “how” and “what” questions to prompt deep, slow thinking in the other party, observing their reaction (thoughtful pause vs. quick retort) to diagnose sincerity and intent.
Employ a calm, low-frequency “late night FM DJ voice” during heated conversations to calm both yourself and the other party, as it reduces negative emotions and improves information processing.
Learn to differentiate between accurate gut feelings and fear-driven amygdala responses; trust your gut for highly accurate intuitive information.
Initiate interactions by offering something valuable to the other party without strings attached, fostering long-term relationships and collaboration.
Rapidly determine if a negotiation offers a good deal or no deal at all, and be prepared to walk away quickly to avoid wasting time on unfavorable outcomes.
Be cautious if someone uses the phrase “win-win” early in a negotiation, as it often signals an attempt to exploit or deceive.
View any request for immediate action or urgency as a red flag, as it frequently indicates a scam designed to exploit mistakes.
When suspicious of a scam from a known contact, ask specific, slightly incorrect questions about shared past events to verify their identity; a scammer will likely fail to correct or become insulted.
When facing an aggressive or cutthroat adversary, use passive-aggressive tactics like persistent “how” and “what” questions to exhaust them, slowing them down without direct confrontation.
Probe the other party’s true intentions by asking “how” questions about the implementation of their promised compliance (e.g., “How will you let the hostage go?”); their ability to articulate a clear plan reveals sincerity.
Pay attention to any shifts in another person’s tone, movement, or expression; use labels like “Sounds like there’s some hesitation” to probe for the underlying cause rather than making assumptions.
Revisit information multiple times using labels, mirrors, and open questions to ensure all details are gathered and to make the other person feel heard, not interrogated.
In text or email, convey only one point per message to avoid overwhelming the recipient and to prevent the communication from appearing cold or too long.
When delivering bad news, prepare the recipient by directly stating that bad news is coming (e.g., “I got something you don’t want to hear”) to set context and allow them to enter a problem-solving mindset.
When terminating a relationship or delivering bad news, do so quickly and directly, as lingering or postponing only prolongs pain and is often an attempt to save oneself from discomfort.
If you must fire someone, do it on a Monday, not a Friday, to give them a work week to start looking for a new job and avoid two days of unproductive misery.
When delivering bad news, warn the recipient it’s coming (e.g., “You’re not gonna like what I have to say”), then deliver it quickly (within 3 seconds) to allow them to brace themselves and process it.
Do not secure business agreements solely by exhausting the other party, as they may later renege or deviate from terms once their “ego battery” is recharged.
Practice negotiation skills (like using labels and observations) in low-stakes daily interactions (e.g., with Lyft drivers, clerks) to keep mental muscles limber for unexpected high-stakes negotiations.
Ask “What do you love about what you do for a living?” to instantly trigger a positive state change in others and gain rapid, candid insights into their core motivations.
Instead of letting someone vent endlessly, use labels (e.g., “Sounds like this is frustrating for you”) to identify and articulate the underlying negative emotion; this helps them feel heard and deactivates negativity.
Differentiate between frustration (denied future goal) and anger (upset about past events) to understand whether someone is focused on future goals or past grievances.
Cultivate a positive mindset by practicing a daily gratitude exercise, ideally in the morning.
Engage in a spiritual practice (aligned with conventional religion or a personal sense of higher power) as an important component of overall health and well-being.
Prioritize self-care (physical, mental, spiritual) as it is fundamental for performing at a high level in any profession.
Reframe self-care as “refilling the fuel tank” to enhance energy, capacity, and staying power, enabling you to show up better for others and engage in difficult conversations.
In a hostage situation, humanize yourself by stating your name (e.g., “I’m Chris”) while complying with demands; this makes you less of a faceless target and increases chances of survival or better treatment.
When experiencing negative emotions, consciously label them (e.g., “I feel frustrated”) to diminish their intensity.
Teach children and adults to use “sounds like” statements (e.g., “Sounds like you feel blank”) to encourage listening, offer hypotheses of understanding, and improve communication.
Develop both physical and mental stamina to effectively navigate prolonged difficult conversations, negotiations, and decision-making.
If angry or in a disagreement, prioritize getting sleep rather than staying up all night to resolve it; revisit the problem with a fresh mind if the situation allows.
Ensure proper hydration and electrolyte intake (sodium, magnesium, potassium) for optimal brain/body function and cognitive/physical performance.
Drink one packet of Element in 16-32 oz of water first thing in the morning and during physical exercise to ensure adequate hydration and electrolytes.
Practice yoga nidra or non-sleep deep rest (NSDR) for 10-minute sessions to restore cognitive and physical energy.
Take a daily vitamin, mineral, and probiotic drink (like AG1) to support gut health, meet foundational nutritional needs, and ensure overall well-being.
Incorporate cold plunges, saunas, and a generally good diet as part of a fitness regimen to maintain physical and psychological well-being.
Use cold plunges (30 seconds to a minute) as a psychological and physical “state shifter” to positively alter body chemistry and improve well-being after the initial challenge.
In critical situations, assume nothing and explicitly ask for all necessary information, rather than expecting others to volunteer it.
Understand emotional transitions: if sad, allow anger to pull you out; if angry, aim for calm next, as direct jumps to positive emotions are difficult.
After achieving calm, reframe challenging situations by focusing on underlying positive aspects (e.g., “luxury problem,” “lucky to be targeted”) to shift into a positive mindset.
Approach negotiations with a playful, joking, and positive mood to achieve astonishing outcomes, as it can lead to unexpected cooperation.
Prioritize making others feel heard in negotiations, as it makes a significant difference in outcomes.
The other side will concede when they feel they’ve exhausted all options, not necessarily when they actually have; aim to make them feel this sooner.
Observe how people tell the truth (their consistent patterns) versus how they lie (varied patterns) over time to discern sincerity.