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How to Speak Clearly & With Confidence | Matt Abrahams

Episode 255 Nov 17, 2025 2h 26m 59 insights
My guest is Matt Abrahams, lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business and a world expert in communication and public speaking. He explains how to speak with clarity and confidence and how to be more authentic in your communication in all settings: public, work, relationships, etc. He shares how to eliminate filler words ("umm"-ing), how to overcome stage fright and how to structure messages in a way that makes audiences remember the information. He also shares how to recover gracefully if you "blank out" on stage and simple drills and frameworks that dramatically improve spontaneity, storytelling and overall communication effectiveness. People of all ages and communication styles will benefit from the practical, evidence-supported protocols Matt shares to help you communicate with greater confidence and impact. Read the episode show notes at hubermanlab.com. Pre-order Andrew's book Protocols: https://go.hubermanlab.com/protocols
Actionable Insights

1. Understand Audience Needs

Prioritize understanding your audience’s needs and tailor your message accordingly. Success in communication is measured by audience comprehension and their ability to act on the information, not just by delivering content.

2. Avoid Self-Judgment

Minimize self-judgment and evaluation during communication to maximize presence and connection with the audience. This frees up cognitive bandwidth to ensure clear message delivery.

3. Be Present-Oriented

Counteract anxiety stemming from potential negative future outcomes by shifting to a present-oriented mindset. Use techniques like deep breathing, walking, or engaging in conversation to focus on the current moment.

4. Practice, Reflect, Seek Feedback

Improve communication skills through consistent repetition, daily reflection (journaling what went well/poorly), and seeking honest feedback from trusted individuals.

5. Develop Anxiety Management Plan

Develop a personalized anxiety management plan that includes physiological and psychological strategies. Merely having such a plan can reduce anxiety and provide practical tools for various high-stakes situations.

6. Structure Information Logically

Structure information logically, like a story with a beginning, middle, and end, rather than presenting it as a list. This enhances processing ability and makes the information easier for the brain to remember.

7. Start with Action, Not Credentials

Begin presentations with engaging “action” like a provocative statement, question, or interesting statistic, rather than immediately listing credentials. This hooks the audience and builds connection by demonstrating relevance.

8. Build Credibility Via Engagement

Build credibility by demonstrating value through engagement, asking relevant questions, and showing the relevance of your message. This is more effective than just stating credentials.

9. Understand Beliefs for Authenticity

To communicate authentically, first engage in introspection to understand your core beliefs and what you stand for. Then, articulate these values clearly in your communication.

10. Prepare to Be Spontaneous

Prepare for spontaneous speaking by practicing drills and repetitive motions, similar to an athlete. This allows for appropriate responses in real-time interactions.

11. Record & Review Communication

Record your public presentations or important communications and review them multiple times: once with sound only, once with video only, and once with both. This self-observation is a powerful tool for identifying strengths and areas for improvement.

12. Journal Daily for Communication

Dedicate one minute daily to journal what went well and poorly in your communication, and five minutes weekly to review and plan for the next week. This consistent reflection practice fosters improvement.

13. Emphasize Exhales to Calm

To quickly calm down, emphasize and extend your exhales, making them slightly longer and more vigorous than your inhales. This physiologically slows your heart rate and reduces anxiety.

14. Warm Up Before Speaking

Before any significant communication, engage in conversation with others to warm up your voice and achieve a present-oriented focus. This prepares you for speaking, much like an athlete warms up before a game.

15. Avoid Memorizing Speeches

Do not memorize speeches, as it increases the likelihood of blanking out and burdens cognitive load. Instead, have a clear structure and roadmap of ideas without scripting every word.

16. Use Note Cards for Data

For specific words or data points you want to convey accurately, use note cards and read them directly. This avoids the cognitive burden and potential errors of memorization.

17. Lead with Questions

When communicating with reticent people, lead with questions to draw them out. This helps them talk about what’s important to them, fostering engagement.

18. Give Space for Elaboration

After asking a question, give the other person space to elaborate by using phrases like “tell me more.” This draws them out and reveals what’s important to them, enabling deeper connection.

19. Disrupt Communication Cadence

Vary the rhythm and pace of your communication to maintain audience engagement. Disrupting a regular cadence can prevent listeners from losing interest.

20. Be Aware of Heuristics

Be mindful of mental shortcuts (heuristics) you use to interpret situations. Avoid locking into a heuristic too quickly, as it can prevent you from being present and responding appropriately.

21. Use “What, So What, Now What”

When conveying instructions or information, use the “What, So What, Now What” structure. Explain what needs to be done, why it’s important, and the next steps for accomplishment.

22. Engage in Real-Time Feedback

Actively seek and integrate real-time feedback during communication, whether through direct questions, polls, partner discussions, or virtual reactions. This allows for immediate adjustment and adaptation of your message.

23. Use Purposeful Movement

Use physical movement purposefully to manage anxiety and signal transitions in your speech. Move during setups or transitions, but stand still for key points or “punchlines” to avoid distraction.

24. Remind Yourself of Expertise

Reduce public speaking anxiety by reminding yourself of your expertise on the topic and that the audience is there to learn and gain value from you.

25. Adopt “Tour Guide” Mindset

Approach presentations with a “tour guide” mindset: set clear expectations, guide the audience through the material, and ensure they leave with something valuable and actionable.

26. Distance from Fear, Engage Others

To overcome fear, shift focus away from yourself and onto engaging the audience or the story. Facilitate interaction rather than being the sole center of attention.

27. Practice Speaking Out Loud

Practice speaking out loud to test assumptions and ensure clarity. Anticipate potential responses and role-play interactions, especially for high-stakes conversations.

28. Use VR for Presentation Practice

Utilize virtual reality (VR) tools to practice presentations with simulated audiences and programmed responses. This can help desensitize you to public speaking and build confidence.

29. Practice Improv Drills

Engage in improvisation drills, such as spontaneously talking about random objects or words, to improve fluidity, build confidence, and enhance in-the-moment processing for communication.

30. Write Thoughts to Prepare

Writing out your thoughts, whether by hand or typing, helps prepare for speaking by clarifying content, structuring ideas, and engaging more intimately with word choice and syntax.

31. Build Slides as Thought Process

When preparing talks, build your own slides as a direct manifestation of your thought process. This active creation helps to internalize the content and ensure a coherent narrative.

32. Test Boundaries, Calculated Risks

Experiment with unconventional communication approaches, but do so thoughtfully by testing ideas with others and ensuring the risks are calculated. This can lead to highly impactful communication if successful.

33. Rationalize Blanking Out Fear

Reduce anxiety about blanking out by rationalizing the low probability of it happening and reframing the potential negative consequences as manageable. This reduces stress and the likelihood of freezing.

34. If Blank Out, Retrace or Distract

If you blank out during a speech, first try to retrace your steps by repeating what you just said. If that fails, distract the audience by asking a question to buy time and regain composure.

35. Avoid Pre-Apologizing for Nerves

Do not pre-apologize for nervousness or potential mistakes, as this primes the audience to focus on your flaws rather than your message.

36. Slow Down, Drop Voice Tone

When feeling nervous, consciously slow down your speech and lower your vocal tone into your chest. This helps to counteract the tendency for the voice to rise and sound strained.

37. Prioritize Communication Hygiene

Treat major communication events like sporting events by prioritizing “communication hygiene”: ensure adequate sleep, healthy eating, and regular exercise to optimize performance.

38. Maintain Caffeine Routine

Stick to your regular caffeine routine before presentations; avoid increasing caffeine intake to compensate for poor sleep, as it can lead to agitation.

39. Use Non-Sleep Deep Rest (NSDR)

Utilize non-sleep deep rest (NSDR) or yoga nidra practices (10-30 minutes) to recover from sleep deprivation and learn to be both alert and relaxed. This skill is beneficial for public speaking and overall well-being.

40. Perform Eye Movements for Sleep

To fall or fall back asleep, keep your eyes closed and slowly move them side to side, up and down, roll them clockwise and counterclockwise, and then cross them while exhaling. This manipulates the vestibular system to help you forget your body’s position.

41. Engage in Dialogue (One-to-Many)

Foster engagement in presentations by creating a sense of dialogue, even without direct verbal responses. Use mental engagement (analogies, stories, questions) and linguistic engagement (e.g., “picture this”) to involve the audience.

42. Avoid Beta Blockers for Anxiety

Generally avoid using beta blockers solely for anxiety management, as they can slow thinking and reduce mental quickness. Explore cognitive behavioral strategies instead.

43. Listen Actively in Introductions

During group introductions, actively listen to others instead of anticipating your turn. This shifts focus away from self-judgment and reduces anxiety.

44. Introduce with Passion/Interest

When introducing yourself, begin with something you are passionate about or interested in before stating your name. This makes you more memorable, allows for emotional inflection, and helps non-native speakers.

45. Initiate Conversation by Observing

Initiate conversations by making an observation about the shared environment. This can naturally break the ice and lead to fluid interaction.

46. Customer Service Jobs for Kids

Encourage young people to work in customer service roles, as these jobs provide invaluable experience in communicating with diverse individuals and serving others’ needs.

47. Role Model Communication

Role model effective communication and openly discuss your thought processes and strategies for challenging conversations with younger generations. This provides valuable learning opportunities.

48. Set Expectations, Use Paraphrasing

To manage interruptions, set clear expectations for discussion upfront. If interrupted, use paraphrasing to acknowledge the interrupter’s point, synthesize it, and then regain control of the conversation.

49. Reduce Distracting Filler Words

Recognize that filler words are not inherently bad and can serve a purpose (e.g., holding space). The goal is to reduce distracting filler words, particularly those that occur during silence.

50. Use “Landing Phrases” Technique

Practice “landing phrases” by exhaling completely at the end of each sentence or phrase, forcing an inhale and creating a natural pause. This technique significantly reduces filler words.

51. Tell Stories Concisely

When telling stories, be concise and “tell the time, don’t build the clock,” meaning only share the most critical information without unnecessary preamble or excessive detail.

52. Parachute into Stories

Start stories by “parachuting in,” jumping directly to the most engaging part, and then filling in details. Avoid lengthy preambles to maintain audience interest.

53. Ask for Raise Strategically

When asking for a raise, consider your boss’s schedule and approach the conversation from their perspective, highlighting the value you bring based on their criteria. Practice and role-play the discussion beforehand.

54. Cool Down Physically

To manage physical symptoms of nervousness like perspiration and blushing, cool yourself down by holding something cold, as the palms of your hands are thermoregulators.

55. Use Challenging Mental Tasks

To become present-oriented and focused, engage in challenging mental tasks like counting backwards by an unusual number (e.g., 17s).

56. Say Tongue Twisters

Before speaking, say tongue twisters out loud three times fast to warm up your voice and force yourself into a present-oriented state.

57. Learn from Diverse Styles

Actively observe and learn from diverse communication styles, even from distant genres or everyday interactions. This provides new ideas and insights without needing to copy directly.

58. Adapt to Cultures & Accents

When communicating across cultures or with non-native speakers, focus on getting your message across clearly using repetition and examples, rather than striving for a native accent. Be sensitive to cultural contexts.

59. Declare Importance in Disagreements

In disagreements, each person should declare how important the issue is to them (e.g., on a scale of 1-10). This helps mitigate conflict by revealing differing levels of passion and avoiding unnecessary escalation.