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How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence | Dr. Marc Brackett

Episode 193 Sep 9, 2024 2h 34m 16 insights
In this episode, my guest is Dr. Marc Brackett, Ph.D., a professor in the Child Study Center at Yale University, director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, and a world expert on what emotions are, how to interpret them, and how to work with emotions to yield a more impactful, meaningful and healthier life. We explore differences between introverts and extroverts, in-person and text-based emotional communication, and how emotional suppression impacts us. We discuss emotional intelligence and describe tools to improve emotional regulation and communication in personal and professional relationships. We also explore the role of emotions in learning, resolving conflicts, and decision-making. We also discuss bullying in kids and adults, both in person and online. This episode provides a clear and novel framework for thinking about emotions and data-supported tools to improve emotion regulation, self-awareness, and empathic attunement. Access the full show notes, including referenced articles, books, people mentioned, and additional resources at hubermanlab.com.
Actionable Insights

1. Give Permission to Feel

Give yourself and others permission to feel their emotions without judgment, as this creates the necessary conditions for genuine emotional processing and healthy relationships.

2. Cultivate Emotional Granularity

Apply the RULER skills (Recognizing, Understanding, Labeling, Expressing, Regulating) to your own and others’ emotions, striving for precise language to differentiate between similar feelings (e.g., anger vs. disappointment, happiness vs. contentment).

3. Understand Emotion’s “Why”

Connect your feelings to their underlying reasons, as understanding the ‘why’ behind an emotion is crucial for selecting the most effective regulation strategies.

4. Practice Emotional Self-Awareness

Use the Mood Meter (mapping emotions on energy/pleasantness axes) to regularly check in and understand your current emotional state, recognizing that emotions are transient and will change.

5. Support Others Emotionally

When supporting others, be non-judgmental, empathic, compassionate, and an active listener; avoid trying to ‘fix’ their feelings or telling them what to do, instead ask questions to help them explore their experience.

6. Avoid Suppressing Emotions

Do not suppress emotions, as this tends to lead to negative outcomes; instead, practice reappraising your feelings to manage them more effectively.

7. Use Distancing Techniques

Employ strategies like the ‘hot air balloon’ perspective (looking down on your life) or the ‘picture frame’ technique (viewing interactions as a TV show) to gain psychological distance and perspective on overwhelming or negative emotions.

8. Reframe Challenging Situations

Actively reframe challenging situations as opportunities, and ask yourself if a current stressor will still matter in the near future to reduce its immediate impact.

9. Strive for Contentment

Focus on striving for contentment—a state of feeling complete and having enough—rather than constantly chasing happiness, which can often backfire and lead to despair.

10. Practice Gratitude Regularly

Engage in regular gratitude practices to counter envy, appreciate what you have, and foster overall well-being and even increased achievement.

11. Understand Personality Traits

Gain self-knowledge of your personality traits (e.g., introversion/extroversion) to better select and tailor emotion regulation strategies that work best for you.

12. Set Boundaries & Assert Needs

Politically assert your needs and boundaries, especially when feeling drained, to protect your energy and prevent emotional overwhelm.

13. Prioritize Verbal Communication

Limit text messaging for important emotional communication, as it can decrease emotional intelligence; prioritize face-to-face or phone calls to foster stronger bonds and avoid miscommunication.

14. Confront Bullies Firmly

Confront bullies calmly, directly, and firmly, setting clear boundaries, as this can be a powerful act of courage and lead to a change in their behavior.

15. Consider Regular Therapy

Engage in regular therapy, viewing it as equally important as regular exercise for maintaining and improving mental and emotional well-being, gaining insights, and developing better coping strategies.

16. Optimize Sleep Temperature

Control the temperature of your sleeping environment (e.g., with a smart mattress cover) to ensure adequate amounts of quality sleep, as a body temperature drop is crucial for falling and staying deeply asleep.