When disengaging from high-conflict individuals, do not blame them or yourself, as this escalates defensiveness or reinforces their negative self-perception. Instead, state that the relationship is not a good fit or that your goals have diverged.
When interacting with high-conflict individuals, avoid trying to give them insight, emphasizing past grievances, focusing on their emotions, or labeling them with diagnostic terms. These actions typically escalate conflict and are unproductive.
Establish clear limits on unacceptable behavior and be prepared to impose stated consequences when those limits are crossed. High-conflict individuals often lack self-restraint and need external enforcement to modify their actions.
When ending a relationship with a high-conflict person, do so in gradual steps to allow them to adjust, avoiding abruptness that can provoke extreme reactions. This involves slowly holding back and communicating a shift in direction over time.
If there is a serious physical or emotional risk, prioritize safety by moving out and securing yourself and any children before informing the high-conflict person of the separation. This immediate exit can prevent violence or destructive behavior.
Initiate interactions by showing genuine empathy, attention, and/or respect (EAR statements) to calm the high-conflict person and gain their focus. This connection helps to de-escalate their emotions and makes them more receptive.
Help high-conflict individuals engage in logical problem-solving by presenting problems as choices or asking them to propose solutions. Encourage them to write lists of problems and potential solutions to foster calmer, more analytical thinking.
When communicating with high-conflict individuals, especially in writing, use BIF responses that are brief, informative, friendly, and firm. This approach avoids arguing, addresses misinformation directly, and helps end hostile conversations.
Refrain from making major commitments like engagement, marriage, or conceiving children within the first year of a new relationship. This allows time to observe behavioral patterns and assess compatibility in close relationships.
Beyond online searches, actively seek information about a potential partner by observing their interactions with relatives and long-term friends. Look for stable, long-standing friendships as a positive indicator, and view secretiveness about family as a warning sign.
Pay attention to a person’s Words (blaming, all-or-nothing), your Emotions (gut feelings of unease), and their Behavior (extreme actions disproportionate to the situation) to identify high-conflict patterns. This “WEB” method helps in early detection.
For complex or high-stakes situations involving high-conflict individuals, consult with a therapist, lawyer, or high-conflict consultant. A third-party observer can provide objective guidance and help strategize effective approaches.
Equip children with “four big skills for life”: flexible thinking, managing emotions, moderating behavior, and self-checking. Encourage them to manage their own relationships and resolve conflicts, fostering independence and resilience.
Aim to consume approximately one gram of quality protein per pound of body weight daily to support muscle repair, synthesis, overall health, and satiety.
Secure your internet activity by using a Virtual Private Network (VPN), especially on public Wi-Fi, to encrypt data and prevent tracking or theft.