Engage in a structured internal family systems exercise to understand your parts: 1. Identify a protective part (e.g., critic, overworker) and locate its sensation in your body. 2. Assess your feelings toward it, and if negative, ask those parts to relax to foster curiosity. 3. Ask the part what it wants you to know about itself and what it fears would happen if it didn’t act this way. 4. Express appreciation for its protective efforts, then ask what it would prefer to do if liberated from its role. 5. Inquire how old it thinks you are and update its perception to your current age, then ask what it needs from you going forward. Conclude by thanking your parts and shifting focus back outside.
When feeling overwhelmed in high-tension conversations, choose to surrender in the moment to gain better internal and external perspective. This strategy helps to improve your ‘optics’ on the situation without compromising your core truths.
During interactions, especially conflicts, remind your protective parts that ‘I can handle this’ and ask them to step back. This allows you to engage from a state of ‘Self’ — characterized by curiosity, calm, confidence, and compassion — leading to more constructive conversations.
Make it a daily habit, particularly upon waking, to check in with the internal parts you are working with. Ask them how they are doing, what they need, and if they still feel better or appreciate your compassion, fostering an ongoing inner relationship.
Throughout your day, observe whether you are operating from ‘Self’ qualities like curiosity, calm, confidence, compassion, courage, clarity, creativity, and connectedness. Any deviation from these qualities typically indicates that a protective part has taken over.
Instead of fearing or disliking your judgmental internal parts, approach them with curiosity to understand their protective intentions. These parts often possess valuable discernment and aim to prevent you from getting hurt in relationships.
Ask your protective parts how old they perceive you to be, and if they think you are younger, update them to your current age. This simple act can bring significant relief as they realize they no longer need to protect you in the same way they did when you were young.
Utilize resources like workbooks to understand and interact with your protective parts, recognizing that they are not your true essence but rather parts trying their best. This initial self-work helps you get to know them and their intentions without necessarily delving into deep trauma.
Be mindful of constant distractions from devices and activities, as they feed protective parts and prevent access to exiled, vulnerable parts. Reducing external distraction allows these internal parts to come forward and be addressed.
If a suicidal part emerges, approach it with curiosity and ask what it fears would happen if it didn’t act. Offer to help unload the underlying pain it’s trying to protect you from, aiming for it to transform into a part that supports life. Note: This is a therapeutic approach and should not replace professional help for active suicidal ideation.
Instead of fighting addictive parts, get curious about them and ask what they fear would happen if they didn’t engage in the addictive behavior. Offer to heal the underlying pain or shame they are protecting, inviting them to transform their role.
If involved in activism, strive to operate from ‘Self’ qualities like curiosity, calm, and compassion, rather than from righteous or judgmental parts. This approach fosters a different, more impactful engagement where others are more willing to listen.
When confronted with something deeply frightening, such as the fear of death, actively explore its contours rather than avoiding it. This personal strategy can lead to profound self-discovery and transformation.