Actively engage with feelings of protest (refusal to let go) and despair (helplessness) by acknowledging them and then transforming these emotions into actions that honor the memory of the lost person or role while enabling forward movement in life.
Actively maintain an internal relationship with the deceased by engaging in thoughts or actions that keep their memory alive, like talking to them or considering their perspective, as this internal bond is deeply encoded in the brain and can evolve over time.
Grant yourself permission to experience joy, pursue new relationships, and engage in life’s pleasures without guilt, recognizing that this honors the deceased’s values and allows you to live a full life, rather than being a betrayal.
Develop the capacity to oscillate between fully experiencing loss-related emotions and engaging in practical life-restoration tasks, as this flexible movement between grief and daily functioning is a hallmark of healthy adaptation.
Actively seek social support and prioritize your physical health during bereavement, as grief is a medically risky period that can impact the body, and others can help with physiological regulation and health reminders.
Develop a range of coping strategies for managing waves of grief, including the ability to strategically suppress emotions in certain contexts (like a work meeting) and to allow full emotional expression with social support at other times, adapting to the moment’s needs.
Engage in Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) by tensing and relaxing various muscle groups, from head to toe, to become aware of and alleviate physical tension, which can help soothe the body and manage intense grief.
Actively disengage from repetitive ‘if only’ thoughts, especially after a suicide, as these unanswerable questions prevent adaptation and shift focus away from living in the present reality of the loss.
When experiencing persistent, unhelpful rumination, physically change your environment, such as stepping outside, as this shift can help interrupt negative thought patterns and re-engage you with the present moment.
Reflect on and develop an understanding of life and death, perhaps through philosophical or religious frameworks, in advance of personal loss, as this can provide a helpful structure and potentially reduce grief severity.
Regularly contemplate your own mortality, not with terror, but as a practice to motivate living a life aligned with your values, expressing love, forgiveness, and gratitude, and preparing to be ‘okay’ with the end.
Create and regularly update a document detailing your wishes and messages for loved ones after your death, as this can alleviate confusion and emotional burden for them during their grieving process.
Actively seek out support and avoid grieving in isolation, as this helps prevent self-blame and fosters healthier learning about death as an inherent part of life.
Resist the urge to avoid reminders of the deceased, such as places or belongings, because avoidance can hinder the necessary learning process of adapting to life after loss and potentially prolong grief.
If your grief symptoms are consistently deteriorating over time, rather than showing any signs of adaptation, seek professional psychological help, as this indicates a need for intervention to return to a typical grieving trajectory.
Understand that ‘grief’ is a momentary emotional wave, while ‘grieving’ is the long-term process of learning to live with loss, helping to accept that waves of grief will always arise but the overall trajectory can be one of adaptation.
When experiencing the ‘amped up’ physical state of protest, engage in physical activity like running or calming practices such as yoga and breathing exercises to physically soothe yourself and regulate your heart rate and emotions.
Engage in closure conversations with terminally ill loved ones, expressing sentiments like ‘I love you,’ ’thank you,’ ‘I forgive you,’ and ‘please forgive me,’ as these conscious goodbyes can aid in later reflection and grieving.
Refrain from actively trying to shorten or bypass the grieving process, as attempting to rush through it can paradoxically prolong the experience and impede natural adaptation.