Develop a stable internal representation of yourself and a stable autonomic nervous system, as this foundational self-stability is crucial for forming and maintaining stable romantic partnerships.
Understand that early-life attachment styles are not fixed and can shift over time, as merely knowing they exist and are malleable is a powerful way to change them.
Reflect on whether you exhibit secure, insecure, or other attachment styles, as understanding this can be a foundational step in addressing desire, love, and attachment.
Strive for healthy interdependence by being able to adjust your own autonomic nervous system and self-soothe even when your partner is absent, rather than solely relying on their presence.
Become aware of your autonomic nervous system’s state, especially whether you can self-soothe and calm yourself when alone, or if you are overly dependent on another’s presence for comfort.
To maintain stable relationships, avoid criticism (especially frequent and intense), defensiveness (lack of empathy), stonewalling (emotional cutoff), and contempt, as these are strong predictors of relationship failure.
If your partner benefits from self-expansion, offer praise and statements that highlight their vital role in creating an exciting, novel, and challenging relationship, as this can reduce their perception of others’ attractiveness.
As a primary caregiver, manage your own stress and distress, as children’s autonomic nervous systems tend to mimic yours, influencing their long-term stress and trauma responses.
Engage in a structured conversation using the ‘36 questions that lead to love,’ progressing from ordinary to deep emotional topics, as this process can foster strong feelings of attachment and intimacy by creating a shared personal narrative.
Consider using Function Health for comprehensive blood testing of over 100 biomarkers to gain insights into your bodily health, detect issues like elevated mercury, and receive expert-guided recommendations for improvement.
Consider supplementing with AG1 for daily vitamin, mineral, and probiotic needs, and try AGZ for sleep support, as it’s reported to improve sleep quality and morning refreshment.
Consider using an Eight Sleep mattress cover, such as the Pod 5, to automatically regulate your bed’s temperature throughout the night, which helps your body temperature drop to fall asleep and increase to wake up, improving sleep quality.
Before starting any supplements like tongat ali or maca, consult your physician and regularly monitor your blood work and subjective responses to ensure they are safe and effective for you.
Do not excessively drive up your dopamine system, as overly high arousal states can hinder the engagement of the parasympathetic nervous system needed for physical sexual arousal, despite increasing desire.
If appropriate and after consulting a physician, consider supplements like maca, tongat ali (longjack), and tribulus, which have peer-reviewed research supporting their ability to increase libido.
Consume 2-3 grams of maca per day, typically in the early day to avoid sleep interference, as studies show it can increase subjective reports of sexual desire in both men and women, independent of hormone changes.
Consider taking 400 mg per day of Indonesian tongat ali, as there is evidence it can increase free testosterone by lowering sex hormone binding globulin, and some reports indicate it increases libido.
Consider taking 6 grams (6000 mg) of tribulus root daily for 60 days, as one double-blind study showed a clear and significant increase in libido and various aspects of sexual function.