Actively create a prenuptial agreement with your partner to tailor the legal framework of your marriage to your unique needs, rather than defaulting to state laws. This process fosters open communication about expectations, fears, and mutual value, deepening connection and trust.
Prioritize having ‘hard conversations’ about fears, expectations, and needs early and continuously in your relationship. This includes discussing how to handle disagreements and what makes each partner feel loved, as inability to do so is a root cause of marriage problems.
Engage in discussions about what each partner brings to the relationship, what value they present to each other, and what they ‘owe’ to each other. This helps understand what to protect and preserve, and can address potential economic imbalances or differing roles.
Acknowledge the impermanence of all relationships (ending in death or divorce) and plan for potential challenges or dissolution, including practical aspects like pet custody or asset division. Consciously disregarding the high divorce rate (56%) is reckless and can lead to trauma.
Regularly check in with your partner about the state of your relationship, similar to preventative maintenance for a car. Implement weekly ‘walk and talk’ sessions to share wins, express love, and gently address areas for improvement using a ‘praise sandwich’ method.
Actively work to create an environment where your partner feels emotionally and physically safe, knowing their heart and well-being are protected. This foundational sense of safety is crucial for love to flourish and is a powerful expression of care and commitment.
If something your partner says or does hurts your feelings, address it directly and kindly, rather than carrying it around. Suppressing grievances leads to resentment and can cause unrelated arguments to escalate, damaging the relationship over time.
Question societal narratives about ‘soulmates’ and idealized romantic love often portrayed in media (rom-coms, social media, pornography). Recognize that these are often unrealistic and can set impossible standards, leading to dissatisfaction.
Use the courtship period (or any stage of a relationship) to observe your partner in a variety of conditions, both good and bad, with and without a curated persona. Understanding their true nature and limits allows for a more informed and realistic commitment.
Make small, consistent gestures of affection and appreciation, such as leaving a note or sending a text, to show your partner they are seen and important. These minimal investments can significantly brighten their day and the overall relationship dynamic.
Focus on whether your relationship actively makes both partners’ lives better and more joyful, rather than simply aiming for a long duration of marriage. A truly successful marriage is defined by mutual enhancement and happiness, not just enduring a long time.
Courageously share your fears, flaws, and areas for personal growth with your partner, allowing them to see your authentic self. True love is felt when you are loved for who you genuinely are, not for a persona, leading to a transformative connection.
Reflect on and challenge handed-down societal attitudes and traditions surrounding marriage, such as the ‘giving away’ of a bride or the expectation of specific gender roles. Many traditions are outdated and can perpetuate unhelpful dynamics in modern relationships.
Maintain a balanced perspective that acknowledges both the beauty and power of love, as well as the inevitability of loss and heartbreak. This realistic view fosters resilience, allowing you to appreciate love without being blind to its fragility, and to learn from loss without becoming bitter.
If an extended courtship period is primarily a function of one partner’s reluctance to commit, view this as a potential negative indicator for the relationship’s future. A refusal to discuss a prenup, for example, might signal an unwillingness to engage in necessary hard conversations.
Foster a relationship where partners stay together out of genuine desire and mutual benefit, not out of financial dependence or lack of other options. This creates a stronger bond based on choice and affection.
Regardless of how long you’ve been in a relationship, the best time to implement techniques for strengthening connection, communication, and mutual understanding is immediately. It’s never too late to start improving your relationship.