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A Process for Finding & Achieving Your Unique Purpose | Robert Greene

Episode 153 Dec 4, 2023 3h 7m 20 insights
In this episode, my guest is Robert Greene, multiple New York Times bestselling author and expert on human psychology and behavior both at the individual and group levels and in the context of relationships, careers, and society. We discuss how to find, pursue and achieve one’s unique life purpose, and how to best learn from good and hard experiences along that journey. We discuss power dynamics in relationships, the different types of human communication and the interplay between seduction and vulnerability. We discuss how to find the right romantic partner, improve healthy self-awareness, the link between anxiety and creativity, and pick ideal mentors and role models. Robert also discusses his recent stroke and what he has learned from his near-death experience about motivation, urgency and appreciation for life. Listeners of all ages will benefit from Robert’s insights on navigating the process of building a deeply purposeful life and enhancing one’s relationship with the self, others and society.  For show notes, including referenced articles and additional resources, please visit hubermanlab.com. Use Ask Huberman Lab, our new AI-powered platform, for a summary, clips, and insights from this episode.
Actionable Insights

1. Find Your Life’s Task

Actively seek out and identify your unique “life’s task” or purpose, as it provides direction, concentrates energy, and prevents a lost feeling. This singular process of self-discovery is described as the most exciting thing that can happen to you.

2. Reconnect with Childhood Passions

Reflect on your childhood, specifically ages four or five, to recall “impulse voices” or primal inclinations that directed you towards certain intellectual or mental pursuits. These early fascinations can reveal your unique “grain” or dominant form of intelligence, which is a source of power.

3. Cultivate Emotional Engagement for Learning

Engage emotionally with subjects or tasks, as the brain learns significantly faster when emotions are involved. When you find something that truly connects to you, your deep attention and emotional engagement accelerate the learning process, making even boring tasks more manageable.

4. Practice Unadulterated Self-Referencing

Disengage from external distractions like social media and other people’s interests to look inward and hear your own “voices” and preferences. This process of self-awareness helps you identify what truly resonates with you versus what you’ve absorbed from others, allowing you to return to your authentic inclinations.

5. Interpret Frustration, Anxiety as Signals

Pay close attention to feelings of frustration or anxiety, recognizing them as definitive signals that a particular direction or activity is not right for you, or that there’s a problem you don’t understand. Understanding the source of these emotions is key to guiding your path and returning to your true inclinations.

6. Embrace Vulnerability for Connection

Cultivate vulnerability by allowing others into your mental and emotional space, recognizing it as a positive trait and a form of intelligence. This openness is crucial for deep connections, creativity, and escaping the “prison of the ego,” leading to profound and satisfying experiences in life.

7. Master Nonverbal Communication

Develop the practice of “muting the words” and intently observing people’s nonverbal cues, such as body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. This skill allows you to decipher true intentions and emotions, helping you navigate social and romantic interactions more effectively and avoid toxic relationships.

8. Filter Information, Ignore Distractions

Actively learn to ignore constant streams of negative or distracting information, such as algorithmically generated outrage on social media platforms. Understand that succumbing to these distractions drains energy, weakens you, and pulls you away from your purpose.

9. Channel Dark Energy Pro-Socially

Acknowledge and channel your “shadow side” – hidden aggression, envy, grandiosity, and aggressive impulses – into positive and pro-social outlets. This could involve expressing it through art, organizing movements, or engaging in activism, transforming potentially destructive energy into constructive purpose.

10. Choose Mentors Actively

Actively seek out and choose mentors whose qualities you admire, understanding that this is an ongoing process throughout life. Engage with them, internalize their positive attributes, and be willing to change mentors as your needs evolve, using them to guide your development.

11. Cultivate Alive Thinking

Engage in “alive thinking” by deeply digesting external ideas, turning them around, and refining them through reflection and revision, rather than simply absorbing or mimicking them. This process involves constantly questioning initial assumptions and pushing for deeper understanding, transforming ideas into something living and personal.

12. Manage Anxiety for Creative Output

Learn to manage anxiety by not immediately rushing for the first available answer or instant gratification, especially when faced with a problem or creative challenge. Instead, use anxiety as a signal to think more deeply, explore alternatives, and push through the discomfort to refine your ideas and achieve a higher level of creativity and success.

13. Seek Deep Value Convergence in Partners

When seeking a romantic partner, prioritize a “convergence” of deep, ingrained values and character traits that go beyond superficial interests, such as a shared love for animals, similar approaches to money, or a compatible sense of humor. These emotional and visceral connections are crucial for building a lasting, satisfying, and anchoring relationship.

14. Maintain Mystery in Relationships

Cultivate a sense of mystery within a long-term relationship by not revealing “every single thing” about yourself instantly, allowing for unexpected qualities to surface over time. This intrigue prevents boredom and keeps the enchantment alive, making the relationship continuously engaging and surprising.

15. Embrace “Death Ground” Urgency

Cultivate a “death ground” mentality by recognizing the true urgency of life and the possibility that everything could be taken away tomorrow. This barometric pressure can unlock immense energy, focus, and the ability to “move mountains” that you normally lack when complacent.

16. Appreciate Being Alive Daily

Actively appreciate the simple act of being alive and the everyday experiences often taken for granted, such as walking a dog or observing nature. Recognize that these abilities can be taken away, and by consciously valuing them, you can find profound pleasure and gratitude in the present moment.

17. Worship the Human Brain

Shift your reverence from technology to the human brain, recognizing it as the most complex and powerful creation in the known universe. By appreciating its plasticity and potential, you can foster a complete shift in values, prioritize its development, and avoid being seduced by external technological “magic.”

18. Hydrate with Electrolytes (Element)

Ensure proper hydration and adequate electrolytes (sodium, magnesium, potassium) by dissolving one packet of Element in 16-32 ounces of water first thing in the morning and during physical exercise. This is critical for optimal brain and body function, as even slight dehydration can diminish cognitive and physical performance.

19. Practice Meditation & NSDR (Waking Up)

Incorporate meditation, mindfulness training, yoga nidra, or non-sleep deep rest (NSDR) protocols into your routine using an app like Waking Up. These practices can help place the brain and body into different states, restore cognitive and physical energy, and deepen understanding about consciousness, even with short sessions.

20. Supplement Foundational Nutrition (AG1)

Take a vitamin, mineral, and probiotic drink like Athletic Greens (AG1) daily to cover foundational nutritional needs. This ensures adequate probiotics for gut health, which impacts brain and immune function, and provides adaptogens, vitamins, and minerals for overall health.