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Why Your Dreams Matter, How To Discover Your Purpose & The Question That Many Of Us Ignore At Our Peril with Dr James Hollis #540

Mar 26, 2025 1h 25m 31 insights
Did you know that we spend six entire years of our lives dreaming? According to this week's guest, these dreams carry vital messages from our deepest selves that most of us never hear. James Hollis, PhD was originally a Professor of Literature and Philosophy at various universities until mid-life when he retrained as a Psycho-Analyst at the Jung Institute in Zurich. He currently lives and teaches in Washington, D.C. and is the author of twenty books, including his latest: Living with Borrowed Dust: Reflections on Life, Love and Other Grievances.   In this conversation, James explains the important difference between purpose and meaning, and shares how his own midlife depression at the age of 35 was a pivotal moment that caused him to confront the harsh reality that despite "doing all the right things," he wasn't living true to himself.   We explore the purpose of dreams and what vital messages are contained within them, why so many of us end up living our lives by other people's rules - trying to please family, fit cultural norms, or climb career ladders - and James explains that, whilst this approach might help us get by at first, it often leads to burnout, depression, and, ill health.   James also introduces us to his thought provoking “second half of life” concept  - not a chronological age but a psychological shift, when we start questioning who it is that we really are.   At nearly 85 years old and still seeing clients three days a week, James is full of clarity, perspective and wisdom. And I’m sure this conversation will leave you feeling inspired and motivated to live a more authentic life.   Support the podcast and enjoy Ad-Free episodes. Try FREE for 7 days on Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/feelbetterlivemore. For other podcast platforms go to https://fblm.supercast.com.   Thanks to our
Actionable Insights

1. Address Crises of Meaning

When facing psychological or physical difficulties, approach them as crises of meaning rather than just symptoms, because addressing the underlying crisis is essential for true progress and for life to move forward beyond symptomatic improvement.

2. Cultivate Personal Authority

Engage in a process of sorting and sifting to discern which voices (internal and external) are truly yours, as this recovery of personal authority is the central project of the second half of life and prevents offenses to your autonomy and dignity.

3. Live Authentically to Nature

Regularly ask yourself if you are living the life intended by your nature, rather than solely by cultural expectations, because living adaptively without authenticity can lead to psychopathology and a feeling of emptiness.

4. Shift to Inner Calling

Transition from asking “what’s the world asking of me” to “what is life/the soul asking of me” as you mature psychologically, as this shift helps you align with your deepest essence and vocation, leading to a more profound and meaningful life.

5. Mobilize Courage for Truth

Identify what is most deeply true for you and consistently live by it, mobilizing courage to do so, because this will lead to an inner feeling of rightness, regardless of external approval, and is a form of service.

6. Recognize Adaptive Personality Obstacle

Understand that the adaptive personality you’ve developed to fit in and succeed can become your primary obstacle to living authentically, helping you differentiate who you really are from the roles you play, preventing suffering of the soul.

7. Use Symptoms for Course Correction

View symptoms (physical or psychological) as distress signals from your body and psyche, indicating a need to correct your life’s course, allowing you to make empowered choices and align with your true nature.

8. Investigate Counterproductive Patterns

Identify and investigate counterproductive, hurtful, or self-sabotaging patterns in your life, because understanding the emotional premise behind these patterns helps you evoke a conversation with the unconscious and make conscious changes.

9. Pay Attention to Dreams

Start paying attention to your dreams, as they contain wisdom and tell you the pathway that is right for you, pathologizing when you get off track.

10. Pause, Explore Inner Worlds

Use dreams as an invitation to pause, step off the “treadmill,” and explore your inner worlds, as this act of reflection itself is beneficial, prompting self-exploration and a conversation with your psyche.

11. Recover Innate Curiosity

Actively recover the innate curiosity you had as a child, asking fundamental questions about self, others, nature, purpose, and meaning, because living large questions leads to a larger psychospiritual life.

12. Reignite Childhood Passions

Reflect on your childhood curiosities, interests, and passions, and find ways to reignite that spirit within you, adapting to current limitations if necessary, as this ignites your natural spirit and energy, leading to a passionate and alive existence.

13. Recognize Emptiness as Sign

If you achieve all your life goals but still feel an inner emptiness or lack direction, recognize this as a sign you’re not listening to your inner voice, indicating a disconnect from your true self and a need for genuine expression.

14. Heed Inner Resistance

Notice when you feel forced to do something, especially if it’s solely for external validation, and recognize this inner resistance, as it can signal that the activity is not aligned with what your soul genuinely wants to express.

15. Take Personal Accountability

Stop blaming others and take personal accountability for living your life, even if it means facing difficult choices or “exile” from familiar patterns, as this allows you to outgrow reactive patterns and avoid being exiled from your own soul.

16. Continuously Ask Life Questions

Never stop asking fundamental questions about life, meaning, and your purpose, because continuously asking these questions is essential for ongoing personal growth.

17. Distinguish Meaning and Purpose

Understand that purpose relates to external goals and adaptations, while meaning stems from your inner realities and soul’s expression, as this distinction helps you align your outer actions with your inner truth, leading to a more harmonious life.

18. Live by Core Values Daily

Identify your inner core values (e.g., kindness) and actively live in alignment with them in all daily interactions, even in jobs you dislike, as this makes your life purposeful and meaningful, honoring who you are, and can lead to new opportunities.

19. Cultivate Reasons to Live

Identify and cultivate strong reasons to live, such as supporting loved ones, maintaining insatiable curiosity and continuous learning, and engaging in work that is deeply meaningful to you, as these provide a profound impetus to live and contribute to a vibrant, engaged existence.

20. Maintain Growth Mindset

Continuously ask yourself what you can still learn and how you can continue to grow and develop, as this mindset prevents stagnation and contributes to a meaningful life.

21. Embrace Learning and Teaching

Embrace a mindset of continuous learning and sharing knowledge (teaching), not just in academic settings but in basic life questions, as this fosters a rich life journey and helps you remember fundamental questions forgotten since childhood.

22. Model Growth for Children

As a parent, model a dynamic, growing life that takes legitimate risks, as this teaches children that life is full of choices and gives them permission to undertake their own developmental stages.

23. Acknowledge Pain as Catalyst

Understand that significant pain or suffering can be a necessary catalyst to gain your attention and prompt self-investigation, as it can be a summons to confront your fears and outgrow reactive patterns.

24. Respect 3 AM Thoughts

Take seriously the thoughts and questions that arise during quiet moments, like a 3 AM conversation, because these thoughts often represent something within you that is seeking your respect and attention.

25. Overcome Doubt and Fear

Address and remove doubt, cynicism, or fear that might prevent you from engaging with your inner depths, such as remembering dreams, because your psyche is not against you and ignoring inner forces means they act autonomously.

26. Align Actions with Inner Feel

Pay attention to your energy systems; if you feel supported, you’re doing what’s right for you, if you’re forcing it, it leads to burnout, because energy supports you when aligned, forcing leads to burnout.

27. Seek Meaningful Living, Not Longevity

Prioritize living a life that is purposefully and meaningfully engaged, rather than solely focusing on extending lifespan, as longevity without meaning is trivial, and a reason to get up in the morning is crucial for a vibrant life.

28. Differentiate Ego from Meaning

Be aware of the ego’s desire for self-perpetuation and distinguish it from the pursuit of a genuinely meaningful life, as this prevents an “infantile” focus on trivial self-perpetuation and redirects energy towards profound contributions.

29. Live with Compassion

Practice compassion for the world and be mindful of your place on the planet, as this enriches life, helps you rediscover lost flavors of existence, and contributes to leaving a better planet for descendants.

30. Maintain Physical Discipline

Engage in physical disciplines (like daily walking) to support your body’s capacity for continued learning and exploration, ensuring your body can continue to support your “marvelous exploration of continuing to learn.”

31. Begin Life’s Examination

Actively start examining your life and its underlying motivations, as this process quickens your capacity for self-reflection and leads to a richer life.