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Why Kindness is The Superpower You Didn't Know You Had with Claudia Hammond #312

Nov 16, 2022 1h 47m 23 insights
When was the last time someone was kind to you – or you did something kind for someone else? I’m sure you won’t have to think back far to find a few examples. And that’s because the world is a much kinder place than we might think.   Today’s guest, Claudia Hammond, is an award-winning broadcaster, author, and psychology lecturer at the University of Sussex. In her latest book, The Keys to Kindness, she’s on a mission to encourage us to look out for the acts of kindness that are all around us.   In this conversation, she shares the results of the world’s largest in-depth study on kindness, and highlights the wide range of mental and physical health benefits for both giver and receiver. We talk about what kindness and compassion really mean, and the huge range of ways we can make a difference. We discuss the fears and obstacles that prevent people from being kind, how to overcome them, and why we should practice more kindness in relationships, as well as in the workplace. Among many other topics, we also look at unkindness on social media, why empathy is a skill you can learn, and how being kind to others starts with being kind to yourself.   I sometimes think kindness has a PR problem. It’s something we see as a bit throwaway, undervaluing it at best, dismissing it as ‘soft’ at worst. But by bringing us the psychology and neuroscience on why kindness matters, Claudia provides a powerful call to action to notice and create more of it in daily life. I hope this conversation inspires you to rise to the challenge. Support the podcast and enjoy Ad-Free episodes. Try FREE for 7 days on Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/feelbetterlivemore or https://fblm.supercast.com. Show notes https://drchatterjee.com/312
Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself, especially when things go wrong or when you feel self-critical, by acknowledging you tried your best and not blaming yourself excessively. This practice is protective of mental health, reduces the risk of depression, and allows you to learn from mistakes without harsh self-judgment.

2. Practice Kindness Daily

Intentionally perform acts of kindness for others, whether small or large. This practice improves your own well-being, mental health, and relationships, and can even help you achieve your goals.

3. Become a “Kindness Twitcher”

Actively look out for and notice acts of kindness happening around you, no matter how small. This helps counteract the negative bias often presented in news and media, giving a more accurate and positive view of the world, and builds on itself by making you more aware of kindness.

4. Develop Empathy

Believe that empathy is a skill you can improve, and actively read novels to gain insight into diverse perspectives and experiences. Reading novels helps you understand others’ feelings and thoughts, thereby enhancing your empathic abilities.

5. Practice Active Listening

When someone is speaking, give them your full, undivided attention, making them the center of your world in that moment, rather than being distracted by your phone or other people. This is a profoundly kind act that strengthens relationships and shows genuine respect and care.

6. Self-Regulate Emotional Responses

Before reacting to an annoying situation, pause and consider if your heightened irritation is due to external stressors (e.g., tiredness, other annoyances) rather than solely the current situation. This helps in responding more kindly and less reactively to others, acknowledging that your state influences your perception.

7. Overcome Fear of Misinterpretation

Offer help in situations where you think you can make a small difference, even if you fear misinterpreting the situation or looking foolish. The potential benefit of kindness outweighs the small risk of embarrassment, as most people appreciate the gesture.

8. Lead with Kindness and Ethics

As a leader or manager, prioritize ethical and kind behavior in the workplace. This approach leads to higher success rates, increased employee retention, reduced absenteeism, and greater job satisfaction among staff.

9. Live in Alignment with Values

Strive to ensure your external actions, especially in challenging situations, align with your inner values of kindness and compassion. This alignment contributes to personal happiness, contentment, and overall well-being.

10. Practice Intentional Kindness with Loved Ones

Make a conscious effort to perform small acts of kindness for your partner or family members daily, such as making them a cup of tea or bringing them water. These simple gestures, though small in effort, have a disproportionately large positive impact on strengthening relationships.

11. Dedicate a “Kindness Day”

Deliberately choose one day to perform multiple (e.g., five) acts of kindness rather than spreading them out, to experience a more concentrated boost in well-being. Performing multiple kind acts in one day can lead to a more significant and immediate boost in personal well-being.

12. Recall Past Kind Acts

Take time to recall kind things you have done for others. This practice can immediately improve your mood, boost your well-being, and even have surprising physical benefits like increased strength.

13. Keep a Kindness Diary

At the end of each day, reflect on and note down three kind things you observed, received, or performed, similar to a gratitude practice. This practice intentionally shifts your attention to kindness, making you more aware of it throughout the day and priming you to perform more kind acts.

14. Value Employees to Encourage Helpfulness

Ensure all employees feel valued in the workplace. Valued employees are more likely to engage in “organizational citizenship behaviors” (e.g., helping with shared tasks, watering plants), which significantly improve overall workplace morale, job satisfaction, and reduce absenteeism.

15. Address Underperformance with Kindness

If a staff member is underperforming, engage in a kind, honest conversation to understand the underlying reasons, explore if the role is a good fit, or if adjustments can be made. This approach is kinder to the individual and the team, potentially leading to a better outcome for all, including long-term loyalty and improved performance.

16. Practice Honest Kindness in Difficult Decisions

When making difficult decisions (e.g., redundancies), be transparent, objective, and fair in your communication. Honesty, delivered kindly, allows people to process difficult news better and can even open up unforeseen opportunities for those affected.

17. Curate Social Media for Kindness

Deliberately follow and engage with people who post positive, reasonable, and nuanced content on social media, while avoiding engagement with negative or hateful posts. This helps to shift algorithms to promote more positive content and contributes to a more constructive online environment.

18. Gradual Kindness for Introverts

If introverted, start with small, low-pressure acts of kindness for people you know, or simple interactions like asking “How are you?” to a shopkeeper. This approach helps build comfort and confidence without triggering social anxiety, making kindness more accessible.

19. Manage Expectations for Kind Acts

When performing a kind act, do not take a neutral or seemingly negative response personally; assume the other person might be busy or preoccupied. This prevents misinterpretation and protects your own well-being, especially if you tend to interpret others’ reactions negatively.

20. Personalize Your Kindness Efforts

Choose acts of kindness that genuinely resonate with you and fit your personality and preferences, rather than forcing yourself into activities that don’t feel authentic. This ensures that your kindness efforts are sustainable and enjoyable, making you more likely to continue them.

21. Don’t Overthink Motives for Kindness

Engage in kind acts, whether anonymous or public, and don’t question your motives too much if the act is authentic and benefits others. Both anonymous and public acts of kindness improve your well-being, and the ultimate goal is to get kind things done, regardless of the personal feeling of satisfaction.

22. Pre-commit to Heroic Kindness

Mentally prepare and decide in advance that you will step forward and act heroically if a situation arises where you can save a life or perform a significant act of kindness. This pre-commitment can overcome hesitation in critical moments, enabling you to act when others might not.

23. Strive to Improve Every Situation

In any interaction or environment, consciously aim to leave the situation slightly better than how you found it. This mindset fosters a continuous practice of positive contribution and kindness.