Prioritize engaging in meaningful, deep, and effective conversations, as they serve as the essential glue that binds society together and prevents fracturing.
Actively strive to improve your conversational skills, viewing it as a valuable area for personal growth and life enhancement, similar to pursuing physical or material improvements.
Adopt a growth mindset towards your conversational abilities, believing that you can consistently improve through hard work, perseverance, and acquiring knowledge.
Before engaging, especially in disagreements, clarify the desired outcome; if your goal is to change the other person’s mind to match yours, the conversation is likely doomed to fail.
Analyze and address your own prejudices, biases, and emotional baggage before entering difficult conversations, as these internal factors can hinder genuine and meaningful dialogue.
Cultivate empathy by imagining yourself in another person’s complete life circumstances, including their childhood and experiences, to better understand their thoughts and actions without necessarily condoning them.
Engage in conversations, particularly with those holding different views, with genuine curiosity, compassion, and a desire to understand their perspective rather than to judge.
Actively embrace the discomfort of not knowing what to say, especially in sensitive situations like grief, to avoid silence and open the door for deeper, more meaningful connection.
Be highly mindful and resist the urge to label individuals based on single characteristics (e.g., political views), as this dehumanizes and prevents meaningful conversation and understanding.
Practice active listening with the primary intent to truly understand the other person’s perspective and feelings, rather than merely waiting for your turn to speak or formulate a reply.
Approach interactions with a mindset focused on receiving and understanding information, rather than constantly broadcasting your own views, especially in an age of performative social media.
Practice ‘Ting’ – a comprehensive active listening technique that engages not only your ears and eyes, but also your mind (to process) and your heart (to feel and empathize), for deeper connection.
Be brave enough to admit when you don’t know something, fostering authenticity and trust in conversations rather than projecting a false sense of knowledge due to insecurity.
Be mindful and thoughtful in your choice of words, recognizing that language is a powerful tool that significantly impacts the effectiveness and outcome of all interactions.
Cultivate the skill of respectful disagreement, allowing for robust exchange of ideas and challenges without resorting to raised voices, shouting, or talking over each other.
When receiving criticism, practice non-defensiveness and actively seek any truth or learning opportunities within it, as this fosters personal growth and improves conversational skills.
Strive to make every person you interact with, even in brief transactional exchanges, feel seen and valued by being present and fully engaged in the moment.
Consciously put away mobile phones during conversations to prevent distraction and allow for more meaningful human connection, as phones are a major disruptor of genuine dialogue.
Physically remove your phone from the immediate conversation area to signal to the other person that their words are valued and to prevent distractions that degrade interaction quality.
Acknowledge and address your own addiction to your phone, recognizing its pernicious influence on communication and taking conscious steps to change behaviors, such as setting screen time alerts.
Deliberately ration your social media use and take regular breaks (e.g., switching off for weekends) to protect your mental health and avoid unproductive conflicts.
Recognize that social media interactions are primarily performative monologues, not genuine dialogues, and avoid mistaking them for deep, authentic conversations.
Select the appropriate medium for your conversations, understanding that platforms like X (Twitter) are often designed for conflict and are unsuitable for nuanced or meaningful dialogue.
Intentionally schedule and prioritize dedicated time for genuine human connection in your week, treating it with the same importance as other essential commitments.
Be conscious of and actively work to overcome transactional conversations, especially with partners, to foster deeper connection and ensure the other person feels valued and seen.
Challenge traditional male conditioning by expressing feelings like ‘I miss you’ or ‘I love you’ to close male friends, as this vulnerability strengthens bonds and combats male loneliness.
Instead of just commenting on social media, call friends directly when they are grieving, as the simple act of reaching out in human connection is a profound form of support.
When supporting someone in grief, focus on active listening and being present without the pressure to solve their pain, as simply providing space for them to communicate is a valuable gift.
Be conscious of and resist the ’low-level degradation of human connection’ by being fully present in everyday interactions, such as removing headphones when interacting with service staff.
Engage in acts of kindness towards others, recognizing that such actions are not purely altruistic but also provide significant personal health and well-being benefits.
Prioritize good conversations for their direct positive impact on mental and physical well-being, as they reduce loneliness, increase connection, and release pleasure hormones like oxytocin.
Use good quality conversation as a tool to address internal discomfort, loneliness, and isolation, rather than resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms like excessive sugar, alcohol, or social media.
Adjust your conversational approach based on the specific context, understanding that what constitutes an ’effective’ conversation varies significantly (e.g., a quick coffee order versus a deep personal discussion).