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Why Being Popular Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be with Professor Mitch Prinstein #34

Oct 31, 2018 1h 2m 9 insights
“We are biologically programmed to care what others think of us” Who doesn't want to be more popular? Leading psychologist, Professor Mitch Prinstein explains why perhaps we should be careful what we wish for… More than childhood intelligence, family background, or prior psychological issues, research indicates that it’s how popular we were in our early years that predicts how successful and how happy we grow up to be. But it’s not always the conventionally popular people who fare the best, for the simple reason that there is more than one type of popularity: the first based on status and the second based on likeability. Although we are hardwired to crave status, research indicates that this type of popularity hurts us more than we realise. In fact, research shows that people who were popular in high school were more likely to suffer from addictions, problems in relationships and had a higher risk of depression, anxiety and loneliness in later life. We discuss how popularity taps into our basic need to survive and examine the surprising links to our health and lifespan, offering important insights for all of us about how we can cultivate the right kind of popularity. This conversation is more relevant today than ever before. In a world that pushes us to pursue power, and click our way to online status, it has become too easy to be lured towards a type of popularity that can harm us, and our children. This is a truly eye-opening conversation – I hope you enjoy it! My upcoming book 'The Stress Solution' covers these topics in detail. You can pre-order it on Amazon. Show notes available at https://drchatterjee.com/34 Follow me on instagram.com/drchatterjee/ Follow me on facebook.com/DrChatterjee/ Follow me on twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk
Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Likability Over Status

Strive to be likable by making others feel happy, included, and valued, rather than pursuing status-based popularity (fame, visibility, influence) which research links to negative long-term outcomes like addiction, relationship difficulties, anxiety, and depression. Likability is remarkably constant from childhood and correlates with better grades, happier relationships, fewer illnesses, and longer lives.

2. Change Social Interaction Pattern

Actively change your behavior in social interactions to become more likable. When entering a room, focus on positive cues and people who are smiling, and engage in welcoming behaviors yourself (smiling, open posture, positive tone) to initiate a new pattern that helps others see you as happy, inclusive, and valuing.

3. Prioritize Offline Human Connection

Ensure offline experiences are not merely for online content; put phones down during face-to-face interactions to foster real conversations and connections. This helps develop crucial social skills, as excessive online time can lead to deficiencies in face-to-face or voice-to-voice social skills needed for adult success.

4. Reflect Social Media Posting Intent

Before posting on social media, consider your motivation: are you seeking likes and status, or genuinely expressing something important and trying to connect with others? Keep status-driven posting in moderation to avoid addiction and foster authentic relationships.

5. Use Social Media for Connections

Leverage social media features like private messaging for genuine conversations and write comments rather than just clicking ’like’ when responding to vulnerable posts. A personal comment, even a quick sentence, provides more meaningful support and connection than an anonymous ’like’ count.

6. Respond Personally to Online Greetings

When receiving multiple online greetings (e.g., birthday wishes), take the extra effort to respond individually to each person with a quick, personal message. This can reignite true relationships and foster deeper connections, despite social media platforms often making it harder to see individual well-wishers.

7. Train Kids Critical Social Media Use

Parents should actively discuss with their children how to critically interpret social media content. Help them understand if dangerous or inappropriate posts are genuine beliefs or just attempts to seem ‘cool’ for likes, and question if ’liking’ such posts implies approval or social pressure.

8. Dedicate Daily Tech-Free Time

Implement dedicated tech-free time every day to improve overall well-being. This helps moderate the use of technology, which can otherwise be damaging to mental health and lead to constant pressure.

9. Consider Daily Nutritional Supplement

If meeting nutritional needs through food is challenging due to a busy lifestyle, consider taking a whole-food greens powder each morning as an ‘insurance policy.’ This can provide essential vitamins, minerals, prebiotics, digestive enzymes, and adaptogens, with many users reporting improved energy.