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What We All Need To Know About Human Emotions & How They Affect Our Behaviour with Batja Mesquita #344

Mar 15, 2023 2h 7m 14 insights
Are emotions universal? Do you think people are programmed to feel a certain way in specific situations? Or is there a clear distinction between what makes you feel angry, happy or sad, compared to someone else? Today’s guest is someone whose work I believe can help all of us to make better connections in a fractured, modern world. Batja Mesquita is a social psychologist, affective scientist, and pioneer of cultural psychology. She’s also a Professor of Psychology at the University of Leuven in Belgium and in her ground-breaking book, Between Us: How Cultures Create Emotions, she suggests emotions don’t live within us, they arise between us. They are made, not innate; they form in response to social interaction and can differ dramatically across societies and cultures. That’s not, of course, to deny our emotions are authentic – or to say that we don’t feel them deeply. Rather it’s a way to acknowledge that not everyone will see the same situation in the same way. We can probably all think of occasions where someone from another culture has responded unusually to us – or where our own behaviour has been misunderstood by them. In this conversation, Batja gives examples of how, as a Dutch academic visiting America, she found her colleagues’ culture of compliments uncomfortable and overfamiliar. She explains that it’s not about our language, although the words we choose to describe our feelings can be significant. Instead, says Batja, our culture, heritage, gender, socioeconomic group or even age influences how we interpret the world – and so what our emotional norms are in a given situation. We cover so many thought-provoking topics, including: What emotions really are – and why anger, shame or pride might differ across cultures. Parenting and how we understand and influence our child’s emotions. The immigrant experience and how being raised with dual cultures might affect your relationships and approach to life. How a better understanding of cultural differences and language interpretation could help doctor-patient relationships. I absolutely loved Batja’s book and I think her work is really important. The more we are able to connect with our fellow humans instead of judging them, the happier and more harmonious the world is going to be. I hope you enjoy listening. Support the podcast and enjoy Ad-Free episodes. Try FREE for 7 days on Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/feelbetterlivemore. For other podcast platforms go to https://fblm.supercast.com. Thanks to our
Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Hope & Resonance

To foster harmony in a divided world, articulate your own needs without immediately viewing other groups as interfering, and strive to understand what is at stake for people with differing values. Cultivate hope as a moral obligation by actively working to resonate with others and understand their perspectives, seeking common ground and compatible needs.

2. Practice Cultural Humility in Healthcare

Healthcare professionals should recognize that patients from different cultures may express distress through physical symptoms or lack direct linguistic equivalents for Western diagnostic terms. Adapt communication by focusing on the patient’s narrative, their position in the world, and what they wish they could do, rather than imposing Western mental health language.

3. Understand Emotions as Interactions

Recognize that emotions are not universal, innate ’things’ inside us, but rather arise from and are shaped by interactions between people and an individual’s engagement with their environment. This perspective allows for different cultural interpretations and responses to situations.

4. Choose Your Emotional Response

Cultivate the skill of choosing your response and emotions by taking other perspectives or focusing on different aspects of a situation, rather than letting external events automatically dictate your feelings. This personal choice can be constrained by cultural and social forces, but it’s a powerful tool for well-being.

5. Seek Others’ Cultural Understanding

Instead of trying to feel what another person feels (which can be misleading due to cultural differences), practice ‘resonating’ by humbly seeking to understand what is at stake for them, their narrative, values, environment, and how they make meaning of their experiences. This approach fosters deeper understanding without projecting one’s own cultural biases.

6. Recognize Cultural Emotion Norms

Be aware that emotional expressions and their interpretations are culturally specific; what one culture perceives as genuine connection another might perceive as formal distance, and vice-versa. Actively seek to understand what is important for other people in interactions and communicate about it, rather than assuming your cultural interpretation is universal.

7. Navigate Individualism’s Costs

Understand the trade-offs of Western individualism: while it offers liberty when doing well, it increases vulnerability and reduces social scaffolding during difficult times like depression, making second-time depression more common. This awareness can help in seeking or building stronger community support.

8. Rethink Emotion Suppression

If you believe emotions are authentic internal forces that must be expressed, suppressing them can lead to increased intensity and burnout. Instead, consider adopting a mindset where emotions are adjusted to situational requirements, which can help change the emotion itself and reduce negative impacts.

9. Empower Collective Emotion Claims

If individual emotional expressions (like anger) are not effective due to social dynamics (e.g., for women or minorities), consider collective action or political claims to restructure social expectations and achieve desired outcomes. This approach leverages group power to challenge existing norms.

10. Parent with Cultural Awareness

Parents should understand their role in co-creating and co-constructing emotions with their children by helping them interpret the world from a cultural perspective. This socialization, while culturally specific, is beneficial for children to function within their society.

11. Support Dual Cultural Identity

Recognize that individuals exposed to multiple cultures can develop hybrid identities, and forcing abandonment of heritage culture can lead to less identification with the national culture. Support the ability to engage in multiple cultures for better integration and personal well-being.

12. Interpret Criticism Culturally

Understand that the purpose and impact of criticism and praise vary across cultures; in some, pointing out deficiencies is a form of motivation for improvement, while in others, it can be demotivating if perceived as a judgment of inherent worth. Consider the cultural context when giving or receiving feedback.

13. Language Organizes Emotion, Not Reflects

Be aware that language organizes our understanding of emotions by creating categories, but it doesn’t necessarily reflect a universal, pre-existing reality of emotions. Avoid the confusion of assuming one word for an emotion means it’s one universal experience.

14. Reflect on Your Own Culture

Recognize that your own way of living and experiencing emotions is just one valid path among many, each with its own costs and benefits. Understanding the emotional lives of others can illuminate the cultural underpinnings of your own experiences and foster self-awareness.