← Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee

The Surprising Truth About Human Nature with Robert Greene #320

Dec 14, 2022 1h 38m 28 insights
What are the laws or principles that underpin all human behaviour? Today's guest is someone who has spent many years trying to crack the code and answer that very important question. Robert Greene is an American author and speaker best known for his books on power, strategy and seduction. He's authored six international bestsellers, including his very latest, The Laws Of Human Nature. Trying to understand why people do what they do may sound simple, but it is a highly complex undertaking. Robert has looked at traits such as narcissism, self-absorption, and envy that, I think it’s fair to say, we would describe as negative. But he says that all these impulses – these laws of human nature – can be found in all of us to varying degrees. Coming to terms with that isn’t always easy, but spotting these qualities in ourselves will better enable us to do the same in others. In fact, Robert takes the view that our ability to understand ourselves and relate to others, is our most important survival tool, because we're all social animals. And by understanding these universal laws of human nature, we will improve our mental resilience, our emotional well-being, we’ll be more successful, and we'll have better relationships. We talk about so many thought-provoking topics in this conversation, including the need for radical honesty if we're truly going to change ourselves and the dangers of black and white thinking. Robert also shares what he learnt when he suffered from a serious stroke, including why he now meditates for 45 minutes every single morning, and the insights he's gained from doing so. This is a really powerful conversation that I think is going to have you thinking, questioning, introspecting and reflecting. But ultimately, it's a conversation that will inspire you to take action. I hope you enjoy listening.  Support the podcast and enjoy Ad-Free episodes. Try FREE for 7 days on Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/feelbetterlivemore. For other podcast platforms go to https://fblm.supercast.com. Thanks to our
Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Radical Honesty

Practice radical honesty with yourself, accepting your traits and behaviors, even negative ones. This transparency is essential for making meaningful personal change.

2. Embrace Urgency for Change

When feeling miserable and blocked, cultivate intense emotional energy and urgency by pushing yourself to confront your unhappiness. This desperate resolve is the catalyst for significant personal change and enables you to accomplish miracles.

3. Develop Deep Self-Awareness

Cultivate deep self-awareness to understand your individuality, thoughts, and emotions. Lack of self-awareness negatively impacts all life activities and makes you a poor observer of others.

4. Practice Intentional Solitude Daily

Incorporate a daily practice of intentional solitude into your routine. This allows for self-reflection and helps you gauge your own emotional and mental state, taking the pulse on your life.

5. View Everything as Instruction

View every experience, especially negative ones, as an opportunity for instruction and learning. Adopt an active stance to extract value and insights from all life events.

6. Shift to Active Responsibility

Shift from a passive, victim mentality to an active, responsible one. Instead of blaming external factors, consider your own role in situations to foster learning and personal growth.

7. Elevate Your Perspective

Practice viewing current dramatic events from the perspective of a year in the future. This ’elevated perspective’ helps you assess their true importance and avoid getting entangled in trivialities or negative energy.

8. Master Nonverbal Communication

Develop your ability to read nonverbal cues by spending more time interacting face-to-face with people. This skill is crucial for understanding others and is degrading due to virtual interactions.

9. Cultivate Extreme Presence

To understand nonverbal cues, cultivate extreme presence with people, turning off internal chatter and judgment. Focus on feeling their moods and emotions rather than categorizing them with words.

10. Prioritize Emotional Understanding

Prioritize understanding a person’s immediate feelings and moods over their thoughts. Emotions are often more real, direct, and immediate indicators of their true state.

11. Practice Deep Listening

Practice saying less and listening more to both verbal and nonverbal cues when interacting with others. This quiet presence enhances your ability to observe and understand.

12. Recognize Shared Human Nature

Abandon the belief that you are superior or fundamentally different from others regarding negative human traits like envy. Recognizing shared human nature is crucial for self-awareness and understanding.

13. Acknowledge Inherent Self-Absorption

Acknowledge your inherent self-absorption before attempting to change it. This acceptance is the first step towards developing empathy and genuine interest in others.

14. Judge People Realistically

Judge people based on who they are, not on your projections or assumptions. This approach simplifies interactions and reduces emotional turmoil in your life.

15. Meditate Daily for Presence

Meditate for 45 minutes every morning without distractions. This practice cultivates self-awareness, sensitivity, and presence, helping you understand and manage your thoughts and emotions.

16. Question Emotional Triggers

When experiencing strong emotions like anger, question the immediate reason you ascribe to it. Recognize that habitual patterns and past experiences often underlie emotional responses, rather than just the immediate trigger.

17. Cultivate Positive Emotions

Actively use your thinking to cultivate positive emotions like awe and astonishment. Consciously direct your thoughts to induce desired emotional states.

18. Avoid Reactive Individuals

Avoid people who are continually reactive and unable to foresee consequences, as their negative energy can be contagious. Protect your emotional state by limiting exposure to such individuals.

19. Manage Anxious Interactions

When dealing with anxious people, either avoid their presence if possible, or if not, employ strategies like maintaining emotional distance, focusing on future outcomes, and analyzing the irrationality of their anxiety to prevent their energy from infecting you.

20. Balance Uniqueness and Empathy

Reconnect with your ‘impulse voices’ from childhood to understand your unique preferences and individuality. Simultaneously, remain attuned to culture, society, and empathy for others, recognizing these aspects are not contradictory.

21. Reject Polarizing Thinking

Embrace both your unique individuality and empathy for others, rejecting polarizing ’either/or’ thinking. This allows for a balanced approach to self-discovery and social interaction.

22. Confront Unhappiness Directly

Avoid rationalizing unhappiness or giving yourself ‘outs’ by settling for mediocrity. Confront your true feelings and the need for change directly, rather than avoiding the alternative.

23. Create a Change Plan

Create a sense of urgency by imagining negative future outcomes if you don’t change. Develop a concrete plan to acquire new skills or education, dedicating significant free time with energy and motivation to escape your current situation.

24. Use Self-Awareness to Respond

Use self-awareness from daily solitude to recognize when you are not at your calmest. This intentional knowledge allows you to choose not to react impulsively and maintain calm in interactions.

25. Take a ‘Half-Step Back’

Cultivate the ability to take a ‘half-step back’ in emotional situations. This slight distance allows for observation and a sense of control, preventing impulsive reactions.

26. Engage in Human Connection

Engage in actions that demonstrate your humanity and connection to others, such as greeting people in person. This nonverbal behavior fosters human-level connection.

27. Understand Emotion’s Nature

Recognize that emotions are complex, fluctuating chemical processes, not simple words or static categories. Avoid oversimplifying or rigidly defining your emotional experiences.

28. Detachment from Involuntary Emotions

Understand that emotions are largely involuntary, originating from ancient brain parts. This perspective can help in detaching from and observing emotions rather than being consumed by them.