Actively find ways to support yourself to adapt and change, rather than blocking or anesthetizing your way out of it, to experience more joy and success in life.
Recognize that pain is an agent of change; give yourself time to reflect and feel it, as suppressed emotions will manifest sideways in relationships or the body.
Avoid using busyness as an anesthetic to stop feeling emotions. Instead, create space and time to process change and allow yourself to feel, which is necessary for adaptation and thriving.
Allow space for both processing difficult emotions (loss orientation) and engaging in restorative activities (restoration orientation) like watching Netflix, holding them side by side and oscillating between them consciously.
Accommodate discomfort, allow it space, and support yourself through it during times of change to adapt, thrive, and grow, as blocking it leads to a limited life.
Understand that emotional systems cannot be processed through logic. Recognize that 80% of decision-making comes from feelings and past experience, not purely cognitive thought.
Understand that past wounds and shadows of experiences stay with us and may resurface unexpectedly. This doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong, but rather that your body remembers and is wired for danger.
Discover and practice ways to express your feelings that work for you, starting with self-connection and self-compassion. This impacts how you build relationships and is key to meaning, purpose, happiness, and health.
When suffering or in pain, acknowledge that you may become a less likable version of yourself. Practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism during these difficult times.
Be in touch with yourself and aware of your internal state. Find a way to express your feelings, as this is crucial for mental thriving and well-being.
Prioritize daily exercise, even for 5-10 minutes to get your heart rate up. This reduces cortisol, raises oxytocin, lessens anxiety, and provides a clearer mind for the day.
Journaling is an effective practice for releasing stuck, invisible feelings by putting them on paper. This makes them visible and provides a sense of release, similar to talking treatments.
If struggling with feelings or thoughts, commit to writing them down for just five minutes a day for one week. Observe the positive impact on your mental state.
Engage in gratitude as a transformative practice. It benefits both the receiver and the sender, enhancing well-being for all involved.
Engage in acts of altruism and kindness towards others. This practice is shown to help your immune system and overall well-being.
Cultivate love and connection to others, alongside an ability to move with and adapt to life’s changes. These are key factors in surviving and thriving.
Actively connect with people you love and who care about you. Recognize that love is strong medicine, even though maintaining these connections can be challenging.
Listen fully to others, paying attention to their body language, eyes, and underlying sentiments. This compassionate and empathetic listening is powerful medicine that enables self-compassion.
Choose trusted individuals who will listen and respect you when expressing vulnerable feelings. Avoid ‘promiscuous honesty’ on public platforms to foster genuine trust and connection.
Recognize that women often lean towards loss-orientation (emoting, reviewing details) and men towards restoration-orientation (moving forward). Partners can help each other engage in both types of processing.
Engage in walking and talking with a loved one as a form of therapy. The movement and flow create synchronicity and a safe space to discuss difficult things without direct eye contact intensity.
After a ‘walk and talk’ about difficult topics, create a ritual like having a treat (e.g., tea, meal) to mark the end of the conversation. Then, consciously avoid revisiting the topic to maintain peace and boundaries.
Before communicating or imprinting your own story, always inquire about and understand what others, especially children, currently believe or perceive about a situation.
To stop the transmission of transgenerational trauma, the current generation must be prepared to feel and process the pain associated with it.
Talk to family members from different generations to learn untold stories and secrets. Understanding your origins provides roots, strength, and higher self-esteem and confidence.
Use a family tree genogram to map out family members and known information about them. This helps to identify patterns of behavior like divorce, addiction, or suicide across generations.
For those who lack knowledge about their past (e.g., adopted individuals), it’s important to grieve the loss of what they wish they knew. Accept the end of imagined dreams and hopes to avoid staying stuck in limbo.
When discussing death, use direct terms like ‘died’ rather than euphemisms like ’lost.’ Death is permanent and irreversible, and clear language avoids misunderstanding and acknowledges its reality.
Engage in conversations about death, including what you would want to happen if you died. Consider creating ethical wills to convey your beliefs and values, not just material possessions.
When someone is grieving, acknowledge their loss directly and genuinely by simply saying, ‘I’m so sorry that [person’s name] has died.’ Avoid platitudes or disappearing.
Provide practical support to bereaved individuals. This can range from showing up with food and company for close friends to sending texts and dropping things off for more distant acquaintances, remembering that shock and numbness last a long time.
Prioritize and maintain love and connection to others during grief. This is the single biggest predictor of positive outcomes in the grieving process.
When explaining death to children, first ask what they understand. Then use simple, truthful language (e.g., ‘Grandpa died; his body doesn’t work anymore’) and allow them to ask questions.
Permit children to express their sadness openly, like jumping in and out of a puddle of emotion, without trying to suppress their feelings. Acknowledge their sadness by validating their feelings.