The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World with Dr Vivek Murthy #114

My guest on today’s conversation is Vivek Murthy. Vivek was the US Surgeon General under the Obama administration and is now author of the fantastic book, Together, about the healing power of human connection. And connect is exactly what Vivek and I did during this conversation in a really deep and profound way. During this conversation, we talk about what authenticity really means and how powerful it is to be truly vulnerable. We also talk about the consequences of this pandemic causing a social recession as well as an economic recession and how lockdown is making an already chronic problem of loneliness much worse. But this conversation is about hope and optimism - could the outcome of our separation in fact be a social revival? Are we realising more than ever before that we need to put people first? When he was in office, Vivek realised that the thread running through so many social and health problems, touching people of all ages, was loneliness. As doctors, we share the conviction that lack of connections is a major factor in many modern health conditions. We discuss how loneliness can manifest as irritability, anger, depression and disturbed sleep. It can also be behind ailments from anxiety to addiction and even obesity. And, of course, in the current pandemic, its effects are amplified. So, could it be time for us to take stock of how much we’ve missed our family, friends, even strangers – and decide how we want those relationships to be going forwards? Vivek believes we need to make an explicit commitment to other people – reaching out to others and giving our undistracted time when we do. Service, he says, is a powerful antidote to loneliness – it’s you adding value to the world. Vivek’s guiding principle is to ‘put people first’ in society, as well as in our individual lives and to let love and compassion be our path out of loneliness and suffering. It’s really hard to disagree with this when you hear this conversation, and I hope you find it as meaningful as I did. Show notes available at https://drchatterjee.com/114 Follow me on instagram.com/drchatterjee/ Follow me on facebook.com/DrChatterjee/ Follow me on twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk

Actionable Insights

1. Put People First

Adopt ‘put people first’ as a guiding credo in your individual life and society, influencing choices about time and attention, and how workplaces, schools, and public policy are designed, to build a stronger, more connected world.

2. Value Love & Emotions as Strength

Value emotions and love as sources of strength, not weakness, as this changes how you approach life, communicate, and express yourself. This is particularly important for men and boys who are often conditioned otherwise.

3. Practice Vulnerability & Authenticity

Show your true authentic and vulnerable self in interactions, as this is magnetic, invites others to be themselves without judgment, and can be extraordinarily healing for both parties. Bottling up shame, conversely, can be destructive.

4. Cultivate Self-Connection & Worth

Cultivate a strong connection with yourself, believing in your self-worth and finding inner peace, as this is essential for interacting meaningfully with other people and being authentic in conversations.

5. Recommit to Relationships

Recommit to relationships in your life by bringing them back to the center of your priorities, using the current moment as an opportunity to reflect on their importance and prevent them from drifting to the periphery.

6. Give Undistracted Time

Focus on the quality of time spent with others by reducing distractions like technology, as even five minutes of deep, present listening can be more powerful than a longer, distracted conversation.

7. Engage in Service to Others

Engage in acts of service to others, as this shifts focus from oneself, reminds you of your value, and is a powerful antidote to loneliness. Small acts include checking on a neighbor or helping a struggling friend.

8. Spend 15 Minutes Daily with Loved Ones

Make a commitment to spend at least 15 minutes each day connecting with someone you love, whether through video conferencing, calling, or writing to check in on them.

9. Form a ‘Moai’ Support Group

Form a ‘Moai’ (close-knit support group) with a few trusted friends, committing to regular video calls (e.g., monthly) and authentic conversations about important life topics like health, relationships, and finances, and leaving voice messages between calls.

10. Find Daily Solitude

Find a few minutes for solitude each day to reconnect with yourself, settle the noise, make sense of the world, and reground, which enables better connection with others. This can involve time in nature, gratitude, meditation, prayer, or reading.

11. Establish Device-Free Zones

Establish device-free zones, such as the dinner table, to ensure full presence and quality interaction during family meals and other important shared times, as children especially notice when you are not fully present.

12. Prioritize Whole Foods & Supplements

Prioritize obtaining nutrition from real whole foods, and if consistently struggling to do so, consider a high-quality whole food supplement like Athletic Greens for optimal function, increased energy, cognition, and better sleep.

13. Listen Before Acting

Prioritize ‘being’ and listening to others before ‘doing’ or taking action, as spending time understanding can lead to better and faster execution.

14. Adopt a Morning Routine

Incorporate a morning routine that includes waking before others and taking a walk in nature, as this can provide a reflective and grounding start to the day.