← Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee

Mel Robbins on How To Take Control of Your Life With One Simple Habit #220

Nov 24, 2021 2h 24m 17 insights
CAUTION: This podcast episode contains swearing. Mel Robbins is one of the most sort after motivational speakers in the world. Her TED talk has been viewed almost 27 million times and she's also the best-selling author of several books, including her latest one, The High Five Habit: Take Control of Your Life With One Simple Habit. In today's conversation, Mel explains that all of us know what we need to do for the best in any given situation but it’s acting on that knowledge that’s hard. It’s so easy to be impulsive or fall into old habits. And I think this is where Mel really comes into her own. Her approach is all about practical, real life advice that busy people with busy lives can easily implement. A prime example is something that Mel calls the five second rule. This is a rule that stops negative thinking in its tracks, and immediately breaks the feedback loop of procrastination and moves us into taking action. It changes a bias of thinking into a bias of action, giving you the confidence to try when you're full of doubt. In fact, it's so simple that my 11 year old son has already seen its benefits in his own life over the past few weeks. We also talk about The High Five Habit (which is the title of Mel’s new book) - this is the idea that by simply giving yourself a high five in the mirror each morning, you can experience transformative effects in your life. This simple exercise is about recognizing yourself and asking yourself what the person looking back at you in the mirror really needs and by doing so, Mel explains that you are retraining your brains neural pathways and convincing your subconscious that you are someone who is worthy of celebration. This really is a wide ranging and in-depth conversation. There is something quite unique about the connection that Mel has with her audience and the way she delivers her message. I think a lot of it comes down to her raw honesty, and the fact that all of her methods are borne out of her own lived experience. She's been there and she is very happy to share her struggles, her insecurities and her battles. I certainly got a lot out of this conversation and I think you will as well.   Show notes available at https://drchatterjee.com/220   Support the podcast and enjoy Ad-Free episodes. Try FREE for 7 days on Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/3oAKmxi. For other podcast platforms go to https://fblm.supercast.com. Follow me on https://www.instagram.com/drchatterjee
Actionable Insights

1. Adopt the High Five Habit

Add the High Five Habit to your morning routine by giving yourself a high five in the mirror each morning. This simple act retrains your brain’s neural pathways, convincing your subconscious that you are worthy of celebration and leading to an enormous breakthrough in how you see and relate to yourself within five days.

2. Implement the 5-Second Rule

When you hesitate or feel stuck, count backwards “5-4-3-2-1” and then immediately take action. This rule interrupts negative thinking, breaks procrastination loops, and shifts your bias from thinking to action, giving you the confidence to try when full of doubt.

3. Shift to Action Bias

Recognize that merely thinking about what you need to do won’t change your life; only taking action will. Actively choose to move from a “bias towards thinking” to a “bias towards action” to overcome paralysis and achieve desired life improvements.

4. Act Like Future Self

Set an intention for the person you want to become and then physically act as that person would. This “behavioral activation therapy” demonstrates to your brain that you care about yourself, changing your internal structure over time.

5. Break Generational Self-Criticism

Understand that self-criticism and self-rejection are often inherited generational patterns. By practicing self-compassion and self-acceptance, you can break these cycles and model a healthier way of relating to oneself for your children and future generations.

6. Perform Mirror High Five

Each morning, after brushing your teeth, pause and look at yourself in the mirror without speaking, then physically give the person in the mirror a high five. This action triggers a universal neuro association of encouragement and celebration, bypassing verbal self-talk and flipping an internal switch of vitality.

7. Cultivate Realistic Optimism

When facing setbacks or disappointment, adopt the mindset that “when you work hard, you’re going to be rewarded” and “this moment is preparing you for something better.” This belief helps you navigate challenges with resilience, trusting that something positive is coming.

8. Start with Smallest Action

When overwhelmed by enormous problems or dreams, begin by taking the smallest possible step. This “littlest thing” can initiate momentum, chip away at challenges, and “crack open something inside you and let some light back in.”

9. Manage Emotional Waves

Acknowledge that emotional waves and nervous system responses occur before conscious thoughts, so you cannot control their initial appearance. Instead of resisting these feelings, choose what you tell yourself about the situation to regain control and prevent your mind from hijacking you.

10. Practice Responsible Venting

Before emotionally venting to a loved one, pause and ask if they have the capacity to listen. This respectful approach prevents inadvertently burdening them or triggering their own insecurities, fostering healthier communication in important relationships.

11. Ask “Is Now Good Time?”

In close relationships, especially when discussing work or potentially stressful topics, always ask if “now is a good time” before initiating the conversation. This simple act respects the other person’s current capacity and helps maintain boundaries.

12. Praise Attributes, Not Looks

When complimenting others, especially children, focus on their positive attributes like loyalty, intelligence, or hard work, rather than solely their physical appearance. This helps them develop a stronger sense of self-worth based on character and actions, rather than external validation.

13. Credit Yourself for Progress

When you achieve positive changes in your life, give yourself the credit for doing the work, even if a tool or advice helped initiate it. Acknowledge your own effort in moving from thinking to doing, reinforcing self-empowerment.

14. Release Outcome, Focus Excellence

After a significant effort, such as an interview, fully commit during the event, then immediately release attachment to the outcome. Shift your focus back to excelling at what you already do well, trusting that if it’s not meant to be, something better is coming.

15. Adopt “What If Works Out?”

When caught in a spiral of worry or negative hypothetical scenarios, consciously shift your thinking by asking, “What if it all works out?” This mantra helps reframe potential outcomes positively, reducing stress and opening your mind to beneficial possibilities.

16. Embrace Simple Solutions

When seeking to implement changes or habits, prioritize simple, easy-to-understand actions rather than complicated lists. Simple, empowering information is more likely to be adopted and tried, especially when facing overwhelming problems.

17. Permit Yourself Happiness

Grant yourself permission to experience happiness and actively choose to no longer accept feeling unwell, believing that you deserve to feel better. This internal awakening is the first step towards seeking and implementing tools for a more enjoyable life.