Prioritize investing time and energy into your relationships, as they offer the best payoff throughout your life by helping regulate negative emotions and preventing chronic stress.
Intentionally prioritize how and with whom you spend your time, as this is crucial for your mental and physical health.
Ensure you have at least one or two ‘securely attached relationships’ where you feel someone will reliably be there for you if you are in trouble, regardless of whether you are shy or extroverted.
Actively take care of your physical body, recognizing that you will need it to function well for a long lifespan.
Ensure frequent contact with the important people in your life, as relationships can wither away from neglect if not kept current.
Focus on cultivating high-quality relationships that are restorative, energizing, reduce stress, and affirm your identity.
Create a list of the 10 most important people in your social universe, then plot them on a chart based on how frequently you’re in contact and whether the relationship is energizing or depleting, to identify areas for intentional change.
Cultivate intentionality in your life choices and relationships, rather than letting important aspects remain on the periphery due to busyness.
Make a habit of regularly reflecting on your life to observe your actions and decide if adjustments are needed, rather than passively letting time pass.
Practice cultivating presence and focused attention, similar to meditation, to truly listen and be interested in what others are experiencing in your relationships.
Demonstrate genuine interest in what others are experiencing, as the perception of care and curiosity is more impactful than always perfectly understanding their thoughts.
Proactively communicate your feelings and stress levels to those around you, explaining that any irritability or mood is not personal, to prevent emotional spillover and misunderstanding.
Actively practice generosity and kindness towards others, whether through words of appreciation or helpful actions, as this benefits the giver with a sense of joy and connection.
Continuously learn ’new dance steps’ in your relationships by adapting to how others are changing, complementing their new endeavors, and trying new things together to keep connections fresh and evolving.
Approach interactions with ‘radical curiosity’ and a ‘beginner’s mind,’ seeking to understand others’ experiences, motivations, and perspectives without judgment, as this enriches connections and fosters learning.
Avoid over-investing all your relational needs in one primary partner; instead, distribute your emotional and social investments across a collection of people to gain diverse support and experiences.
If you’ve experienced a toxic past, intentionally seek out new relationships with people who don’t fit those negative molds, as this can slowly shift your expectations and dramatically improve your comfort with others.
Identify and address relationships filled with tension or toxicity, as they can be a significant source of stress and negatively impact your health.
Actively work on personal growth to learn new ways of engaging in relationships, tolerating difficulties, and sitting with challenging feelings, which can transform depleting connections into energizing ones.
During significant life transitions like middle age or retirement, actively lean in and nurture your friendships, as these periods can threaten existing connections.
Be intentional about scheduling time for social activities like walks or dinners with important people to actively maintain relationships, especially as life gets busier.
Think of someone you miss or have lost touch with, then send a simple text, email, or make a call to say ‘Hi, I was just thinking of you and wanted to connect,’ as people are often thrilled to hear from you.
Implement a regular, dedicated period, similar to a Sabbath, where you intentionally switch off from distractions and focus on those around you, to prevent the modern world from consuming your time.
When spending time with friends, intentionally turn off your phone and remove other digital distractions to lean into your connections and foster deeper engagement.
Periodically engage in retreats or dedicated times to slow down, simplify, and mindfully experience the simplest aspects of being alive, free from external connections and phones, to feel refreshed.
Identify and engage in activities that allow you to become completely absorbed, entering a ‘state of flow’ where time passes effortlessly, as this is very nourishing and energizing.
Leverage strong relationships, particularly with a partner, as a form of decompression and emotional management after a challenging day.
Intentionally schedule mental breaks between meetings or tasks to allow yourself to transition, decompress, and release focus from the previous activity before engaging with the next.
During breaks, step outside and engage your peripheral vision by looking at a tree or nature, as this helps to de-stress and relax you, leading to more intentional focus afterwards.
Use social media for active connection with others rather than passive consumption, as active engagement enhances well-being while passive scrolling can decrease self-esteem and increase negative emotions.
After spending 10-15 minutes on a digital platform, check in with yourself to assess if your energy is lower or if you feel more closed off; if so, disengage from that platform.
Periodically check in with your partners, children, and friends to get their perspective on your technology use, as their observations can reveal impacts you might not notice yourself.
Consciously prioritize spending time with the people you care about, as a common regret at the end of life is having spent too much time at work instead.
Consciously reduce the amount of time and energy you spend worrying about what other people think, as this is a common regret expressed later in life.
Focus on improving the quality of your relationships, as good connections can naturally reduce unhealthy coping behaviors like comfort eating or excessive social media use, which often stem from isolation or conflict.
Actively cultivate emotional well-being, as it enhances your ability to focus, learn, and engage in cognitive tasks by freeing up mental capacity.
Deeply internalize the truth that everything is constantly changing, as embracing impermanence can help many life issues sort themselves out and foster greater acceptance.
Acknowledge and work through fears of vulnerability and past hurts, as these ‘ideas in our head’ often prevent us from fully engaging in the messy, yet beautiful, nature of relationships.
Refrain from comparing your internal experiences and challenges to the curated external appearances of others, as this can lead to unrealistic expectations and dissatisfaction.
Embrace the belief that it’s never too late to improve your connections and relationships; seize the present moment to implement changes that can profoundly impact your life.
Cultivate relationships where you feel the freedom to take personal risks, knowing that the other person will offer support.
Actively seek out relationships that offer a diverse range of support, as this breadth of connection helps moderate life’s stressors and prevents suffering.