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Jonny Wilkinson: Why Everything You Know About Success Is Wrong #257

Apr 12, 2022 1h 54m 62 insights
Jonny Wilkinson is one of the most decorated and recognisable faces in rugby history and he’s probably best known for kicking the winning goal in 2003 to help England win the Rugby World Cup. But this episode of my podcast is not a conversation about rugby. It’s a conversation about what it truly means to live a meaningful and contented life.   Jonny shares how winning the World Cup led to disappointment, discontentment and a mental health crisis. He explains how he spent his entire life trying to realise his dreams, only to discover that achieving them did not make him happy. In this deep and soulful conversation, Jonny explains how his relationship with rugby changed from initially being a ‘celebration of his talent’ to later becoming something that only caused him stress, anxiety and made him fearful.    Jonny has been to the extremes of life - extreme levels of success but also extreme levels of discontentment. And, by going to those extremes, I think Jonny has learned some incredible truths and wisdom, which he shares in our conversation. We talk about the difference between success and happiness, the price we often pay for pursuing our dreams, the importance of awareness and living in the moment, as well as the importance of letting go of old beliefs when they no longer serve us. We also talk about Identity and how limiting the labels we put on ourselves can be, how we can use micro-moments of resistance in our daily lives to grow and learn and how our past can actually change, depending on what perspective we put on it in the present moment.   This is a powerful, thought-provoking and engaging conversation with an incredible human being that I truly believe has the potential to transform the way you look at life - I hope you enjoy listening. Thanks to our
Actionable Insights

1. Transform Your Core Energy

Prioritize changing your fundamental energy state (e.g., from needy to peaceful) before trying to alter your thoughts, feelings, or actions, as energy is the root of all subsequent experiences.

2. Acknowledge Your Inherent Completeness

Start by realizing you are already enough and perfect, as feeling a lack blocks your creative process and nothing external can truly complete or make you more worthy.

3. Prioritize Internal Worth

Understand that your true worth comes from your internal state, not from external achievements or manifestations, as attaching worth to external things can lead to emptiness.

4. Let Go During Challenges

When faced with a challenge or resistance, the solution is to let go of something (an old idea, a fixed belief) rather than trying to add more to resolve the conflict.

5. Release Old Ideas for Freedom

Practice letting go of old ideas and fixed notions about yourself and the world, as this process is the key to experiencing true freedom.

6. Empower Your Present Identity

Reframe your understanding of self from being a product of your past experiences to choosing who you want to be now, recognizing that your present choice influences how you perceive your past.

7. Embrace Pure “I Am”

Strive to identify with the pure “I Am” state, before attaching any labels or roles (e.g., “I am a doctor,” “I am good”), as these attachments limit your true, boundless potential.

8. Befriend the Unknown

Actively make friends with the unknown aspects of life and yourself, as this is the most crucial step to deeply connecting with your true self.

9. Initiate Self-Trust

Take a “punt on trust” by starting with self-trust, even if you feel let down by others, as this internal trust will naturally radiate outwards and foster trust in the world.

10. Cultivate Peaceful Energy State

Regularly check your energy state, asking “How do I want it to be?” and strive to cultivate a peaceful, quiet, compassionate, and gently excited energy, as this state brings clarity to all your actions.

11. Heighten Daily Awareness

Develop greater conscious awareness in your daily life to better tune into moments of internal resistance, which serve as opportunities for growth and letting go.

12. Monitor Feelings and Perceptions

To understand your core energy, become more interested in how you are seeing things and how you are feeling in the present moment, as these are closer to your fundamental energy state than your thoughts or actions.

13. Dissolve Questions for Clarity

Ask yourself “How am I right now?” and understand that the “answer” isn’t a new thought, but the dissolution of the question itself, leading to clarity and release.

14. Shift Reality Through Energy

Unfix your absolute ideas by realizing that there is no single objective truth, but rather a reality that stems from your energy system, and by changing your energy, you can change your reality.

15. Embrace the Power of Dreaming

Engage in the process of dreaming and exploring your desires in life, conjuring up excitement and passion, as the act of dreaming itself is powerful and brings enjoyment, whereas the realization of the dream might not.

16. Dream Without Attachment

Approach your dreams with the boundless, unattached possibility of a child, rather than with worry or a rigid attachment to specific outcomes, which can limit your creative flow.

17. Dream from Expansive Joy

When dreaming, focus on the expansive joy of how great everything can be, setting your desires in motion from this positive energy to allow for natural, boundless creative expansion.

18. Cultivate Effortless Creation

Strive for an effortless approach in your creative process, as trying too hard often stems from a needy, obsessive drive rather than true creative flow.

19. Prioritize Energy Over Identity

Shift your interest from fixed ideas about your identity and what you “should” do, to understanding and cultivating your underlying energy state.

20. Play with Memory by Releasing Emotion

Engage playfully with your memories by releasing the emotional attachments that bind them, allowing you to reframe past events and integrate them in a way that serves your present self.

21. Open Past, Unlock Future

By re-evaluating and “opening up” your past (through releasing emotional attachments to memories), you simultaneously open up possibilities for your future and reignite your capacity to dream freely.

22. Gauge Energy Through Dreams

Assess your current energy state by observing the clarity and uninterrupted nature of your dreams; if your dreams are easily interrupted by self-doubt or limiting beliefs, it indicates a need to work on your energy.

23. Limit External Focus

Cultivate the freedom to not over-focus on external events, as excessive attention to “what’s happening around us” can limit your perception of possibilities and hinder your creative process.

24. Approach Life Playfully

Approach everything with playfulness, finding beauty, grace, humor, and love in all situations to create space for new possibilities; if you struggle with this, focus on improving your underlying energy state.

25. Disengage from Overthinking

When feeling stuck or stressed, physically remove yourself from the situation (e.g., go for a walk) to relax, rather than trying to “solve it” through continuous thinking, which can exacerbate negative emotional states.

26. Unify Preparation and Performance

View preparation and performance as a single, integrated process, rather than separate stages, by fully engaging in every moment as if it were the “big moment.”

27. Embrace Full Presence in Roles

Strive to be fully present and authentic in each moment and role, metaphorically “taking off” one identity and “putting on” another, to avoid carrying mental baggage between different parts of your life.

28. Maximize Present Engagement

Evaluate your “preparation” by asking how involved and fully engaged you are in the present moment, rather than focusing on how you are preparing for future events.

29. Assess Your Present Moment

Be honest with yourself about your current state, recognizing if you are “skipping the now” in anticipation of a better future, and redirect your focus to fully experiencing the present.

30. Avoid Resistance to Mundane

Approach mundane tasks without frustration or resistance, as these negative emotions pull you out of the present moment and create unnecessary physical tension and stress in your body.

31. Alleviate Emotional Tension

Recognize that resisting “what is” and holding emotional tension creates real physical stress in your body, leading to tension and potential health issues, so practice letting go.

32. Integrate Stress and Recovery

Be aware of the constant interplay between stress (energy out) and recovery (energy in), and consciously integrate recovery into your daily life rather than deferring it.

33. Heal While Performing

Aim to operate in a state where you are recovering and performing (or healing and expending energy) simultaneously, by aligning your actions with your true desires and worthiness, reducing the need for extensive separate recovery periods.

34. Maximize Every Moment’s Potential

Clear limiting ideas about the potential of any given moment, even mundane ones, by stepping out of your own way and being receptive to unexpected interactions or opportunities that may arise.

35. Question Self-Imposed Limits

Recognize that limitations on what can happen in a moment or with a person are often self-imposed choices, and challenge these beliefs to open up new possibilities.

36. Allow Life’s Mutual Serving

Trust that everything in your path serves a purpose for mutual growth; instead of over-analyzing, simply allow experiences, people, or ideas to unfold and reveal their lessons.

37. Fuel Desires with Energy

Cultivate strong, positive energy for your desires, as this intensity will attract more opportunities and circumstances to serve your goals.

38. Examine Intention Behind Actions

Look beyond the surface of actions or concepts like dreaming, motivation, or success, and instead examine the underlying energy and intention driving them, as this determines their true impact.

39. Stop Resisting for Flow

Understand that resisting something often causes it to persist; therefore, practice letting go of resistance to allow for change and flow.

40. Grant Self-Permission to Let Go

Recognize that “permission” to heal or change often comes from within, not from external circumstances; actively give yourself permission to let go of old patterns and beliefs.

41. Practice Non-Self-Serving Activities

Engage in practices like meditation and other “non-self-serving” activities, as these can provide the internal permission needed to let go and heal.

42. Cultivate Happiness Through Gratitude

Cultivate happiness by connecting with a sense of inherent worth and practicing gratitude for simply being alive, as this fosters immediate and deep engagement with life.

43. Find Joy in Engaged Worthiness

Seek joy through full engagement and involvement in life, rooted in gratitude for your existence and the recognition that you deserve what you want simply by being here.

44. Recognize Your Inherent Importance

Acknowledge your inherent importance to the universe and life itself, understanding that your presence is essential for existence to be “all it can be,” which can foster a deep sense of belonging and purpose.

45. Cultivate Receptivity to Life

Practice being receptive to what life offers, as this openness allows you to receive and recognize the lessons and opportunities that are constantly being presented.

46. Practice Probing and Allowing

In conversations and explorations, practice “probing” with questions to understand, and then “allowing” the answers to unfold without judgment or immediate control.

47. Expand Your Self-Concept

Continuously expand your ideas about who you are, recognizing that your true self has no boundaries, and this expansion brings you closer to your infinite potential.

48. Embrace Your Unknown Self

Cultivate a state of being “unknown” to yourself, embracing curiosity and excitement about not having a fixed identity, rather than clinging to past certainties.

49. Enjoy Moments Without Attachment

Live with the understanding that you’ll never “arrive” at a final answer, viewing every moment as an opportunity in a “car garage” of infinite choices, enjoying each one without becoming attached.

50. Welcome Triggered Moments

When triggered by criticism or negativity, welcome it as an opportunity for self-reflection and growth, rather than trying to prove yourself or deflect.

51. Seek Self-Revelation

Actively seek out experiences or feedback that can “shine a bright light” on hidden aspects of yourself, even uncomfortable ones, as this helps you uncover and address what needs clearing.

52. Recognize Shared Human Desires

Remember that deep down, most people share the fundamental desire for freedom and happiness, which can be a basis for connection and understanding.

53. Connect Through Deeper Questions

To foster deeper connections, ask people about what they truly want in life or what holds them back, as these fundamental questions often reveal common ground.

54. Abandon Judgment, See Equal Worth

Abandon judgmental language and attitudes towards others, recognizing that everyone is equally valuable and worthy, which frees you from the need to compare or put others down to feel better about yourself.

55. Guide to Deeper Conversations

Allow conversations to naturally gravitate towards deeper, more meaningful topics, as people often desire to discuss growth and self-discovery regardless of the initial subject.

56. Read Conversational Energy

Practice reading the energy and receptiveness of others in conversation, adjusting your communication to meet them where they are, rather than imposing your own agenda.

57. Acknowledge Universal Challenges

Understand that everyone faces valid challenges and operates from their current energy state; recognize that no one is inherently better or worse, fostering compassion and non-judgment.

58. Self-Knowledge for Understanding Others

To truly understand others, focus on the deep work of knowing yourself first, as your capacity to know others is directly linked to your self-knowledge.

59. Offer Full Self Through Self-Work

Offer your “full self” to others by continuously working on removing internal blocks that prevent you from being authentic, as this self-work is the greatest respect you can show and enables others to be fully themselves around you.

60. Cultivate Compassionate Understanding

Move beyond mere tolerance to genuine compassion by stripping away superficial judgments (age, appearance, story) and recognizing the deeper, shared purpose behind every human interaction.

61. Embrace Constructive Feedback

Be open and receptive to constructive criticism and suggestions from others, using their input as an opportunity for mutual growth and improvement.

62. Implement One Insight

After listening, identify at least one actionable insight that resonates with you and commit to introducing it into your own life.