Ensure you get enough sleep, as exhaustion makes everything harder, reduces patience, weakens the immune system, and decreases focus, hindering your ability to pursue happiness.
Prioritize developing and maintaining strong, intimate, and enduring bonds where you feel you belong, can confide, and both give and receive support, as these are fundamental to happiness.
Take care of your own well-being first, as this provides the emotional and physical capacity to effectively care for and support other people.
When making decisions, consider if actions will be beneficial in both the short-term and the long-term, avoiding choices that offer immediate pleasure but lead to negative future consequences.
Understand that happiness does not mean feeling good all the time; it includes experiencing negative emotions and engaging in activities that are meaningful or serve higher values, even if they don’t feel good in the moment.
Instead of asking ‘Am I happy?’, ask ‘Will this make me happier?’ or ‘Will this bring me more love and less guilt, anger, and resentment?’ to make the concept more concrete and actionable.
To foster happiness, regularly check if your life choices are in harmony with your core values and if you are experiencing personal growth or learning.
Be aware of ‘drift,’ which is making decisions by not deciding, and instead intentionally and purposefully make choices about what you want, what you’re good at, and what you value.
If you feel stuck or unsure of your path, examine how you naturally choose to spend your free time, as these activities often reveal your true interests and potential professional inclinations.
When facing significant decisions, especially when pros and cons are balanced, ask yourself ‘What is the bigger life?’ to tap into your core values and make a choice that expands your experience.
Gain self-knowledge by identifying your own and others’ ‘Four Tendencies’ (Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, Rebel) to better achieve aims, make decisions, meet deadlines, reduce stress, and engage more deeply.
Understanding the Four Tendencies promotes compassion by helping you realize that others’ behaviors stem from their inherent nature, not personal affronts, reducing friction and judgment in relationships.
Tailor your communication style and approach, such as how you phrase emails or requests, based on the other person’s Four Tendency to reduce friction and increase effectiveness.
Instead of wishing to change your inherent tendency, focus on understanding and harnessing its strengths while developing workarounds for its limitations to achieve your goals more effectively.
When interacting with Obligers, remember they need outer accountability to meet expectations, even inner ones; offer or help them find external structures to support their commitments.
If you are an Obliger, understand that you need outer accountability to meet your inner expectations; find external structures like a book group, trainer, or charity event to ensure you follow through on personal goals.
To prevent ‘obliger rebellion’ (where obligers snap after being exploited), ensure fairness in workload distribution, actively encourage breaks like vacation time, and address feelings of being taken advantage of.
When asking a Questioner to do something, always explain the reasoning and justification behind the request, as they resist anything that feels arbitrary or lacks a clear purpose.
If you are a Questioner experiencing analysis paralysis, use efficiency and experimentation as motivators: choose a good option, try it, and learn from the experience to move forward rather than endlessly researching.
When interacting with Upholders, provide as much advance notice as possible for any changes or disruptions, as they prefer structure and can become uneasy with spontaneity.
If you are an Upholder, understand that sticking to your habits and routines, even deepening them, can provide comfort and reassurance during stressful or uncertain times.
When interacting with Rebels, frame requests in terms of their identity, freedom, and choice, emphasizing how an action aligns with who they want to be or what they choose to do.
To influence a Rebel, provide them with all necessary information, clearly outline the consequences of their actions or inactions, and then allow them to make their own choice without pressure.
When dealing with Rebels, allow them to act on their impulses and do things on their own timeline; avoid nagging, reminding, or setting rigid schedules, as this can trigger resistance.
If you are a Rebel, opt for flexible arrangements that allow for spontaneity and choice, such as a gym with varied classes, rather than rigid schedules or commitments that can feel confining.
Instead of directing children, act as a mirror to reflect their observed strengths and interests, helping them develop self-knowledge and confidence in their abilities.
To deepen connections at home, practice warm hellos and goodbyes by actively greeting and acknowledging family members with hugs or kisses when they come and go, fostering a tender and attentive atmosphere.
To maintain connection with distant family or friends, send a short ‘update’ email every 5-7 days detailing mundane daily life events, as this granular information helps bridge gaps and facilitates deeper conversations when you do connect.