Define success not just by achieving goals, but by living in alignment with your values, as hitting goals without living by principles can be a form of failure.
Evaluate if the ends of your hard work are worthy, as hard work is only virtuous if the goals align with your values and principles.
Recognize that character (how you show up on a hard day) is a skill that can be developed and improved over time, rather than an innate trait.
Understand that confidence is built through making progress in an activity, rather than being a prerequisite for starting new endeavors.
When evaluating potential, focus on the trajectory of improvement over time rather than just the current starting point, as consistent progress indicates a capacity for growth.
Adopt a giving approach in interactions, as givers tend to be happier, experience a greater sense of meaning and purpose, and build stronger, more trusted relationships.
Dedicate at least 15 minutes a day to “me time,” doing something unashamedly for yourself, as this self-care can be transformative for your health and stress management.
Reframe self-care not as a selfish act, but as an essential act of self-preservation, particularly for those with an inclination towards selflessness and a tendency to burn out.
Transform the “daily grind” of skill building into a source of joy by breaking down tasks and incorporating “deliberate play,” making the learning process fun and enjoyable.
Engage in a hobby completely unrelated to your job where you can experience a sense of progress, as this builds self-efficacy and confidence that transfers to managing work stress and combating languishing.
Integrate “play” directly into your daily or weekly schedule, recognizing it as an essential activity for well-being rather than a reward reserved for after all tasks are completed.
Elevate the importance of hobbies to the same level as diet and exercise for overall health and well-being, especially in an era of rising burnout and endless to-do lists.
Incorporate both relaxation-oriented activities (e.g., reading, meditating) and mastery activities (e.g., learning new skills, hobbies) into your routine to effectively recover from stress and prevent burnout.
Seek out projects, hobbies, or activities that require full concentration and challenge, allowing you to enter a “flow state” where time and self-consciousness melt away, providing deep focus and enjoyment.
Recognize that humans are serial processors and can only focus well on one thing at a time; block out dedicated, uninterrupted time for a single project to maximize productivity and flow.
To foster pro-social skills in children, regularly ask them “Who did you help this week?” to shift their attention to helping others and encourage them to seek opportunities to do so.
In addition to asking who they helped, ask children “Who helped you?” to teach them to recognize kindness in others and to encourage building friendships with givers.
After helping someone, reflect on “How did I feel straight after I did something to make them happy?” to reinforce the positive emotional benefits of giving and make the activity more life-giving.
When interacting with children, praise not only their enjoyment and effort, but also the specific progress they have made, to help them develop an identity of persistence and move towards excellence.
Recognize that perfectionism is a strong predictor of burnout and mental distress; avoid constantly feeling “never enough” or ruminating over minor mistakes.
To foster growth, actively challenge perfectionist tendencies that lead to avoiding failure, and instead embrace taking on new challenges, risks, and working on weaknesses outside your comfort zone.
Shift your goal from unattainable perfection to achievable excellence, setting reasonable target scores for tasks to guide improvement rather than striving for an impossible ideal.
Calibrate your standards based on the importance of the task; aim higher for critical projects but accept lower, more realistic scores for less important tasks to avoid burnout.
Avoid defining your identity by your beliefs; instead, recognize that beliefs can evolve and should be open to change based on new information, separating what you think from who you are.
Anchor your sense of self in your core values (what you think is important) rather than your beliefs (what you think is true), allowing for intellectual flexibility and growth without threatening your identity.
Approach learning with the goal of evolving your existing beliefs, rather than merely affirming them, to foster continuous intellectual growth and discovery.
Combine insights from scientific research (what works on average) with your personal experience (what works for you) to make informed decisions, recognizing that individual differences mean science won’t always tell you exactly what works.
In dynamic, unstable, or unfamiliar environments, actively question your intuition and past experience, as patterns from the past may not be relevant or reliable in new contexts.
Instead of relying on a single mentor, seek out multiple mentors with diverse expertise to gain a broader range of advice and guidance, fostering greater advancement and growth.
Prioritize mentors who are just one or two steps ahead of you in a particular skill or journey, as they are often best equipped to explain and unpack complex concepts in an accessible way.
To deepen your understanding and retention of a subject, actively teach it to someone else, as the act of explaining and guiding reinforces your own learning.
Engage in teaching others, as the process of explaining and guiding can significantly boost your own confidence in your knowledge and abilities.
When feeling stuck, offer guidance to someone facing similar challenges, as this act of coaching can be highly motivating by revealing your existing knowledge and capabilities.
Disregard generic morning routines and instead identify and follow a schedule that genuinely works best for your personal energy and productivity, aligning with your own unique rhythm.
When seeking improvement, ask others for “advice” on what you can do better next time, rather than “feedback” on past performance, as advice is more actionable and focuses on future growth without shaming.
After any important task, ask for a 0-10 score and then specifically request “What suggestions/advice do you have for me next time?” to get actionable insights for future improvement.
When seeking advice, ask multiple people about the same performance or task to distinguish between subjective “taste” and objective “quality control issues,” focusing on consistent suggestions for improvement.
Pay attention to the advice you offer others, as it often reflects the wisdom and guidance you yourself need to apply to your own life.
Don’t be afraid to “move backward” or “hit the reset button” when stuck, as retreating can provide the necessary perspective, momentum, or a better route to ultimately move forward and achieve your goals.
If you realize you’re on the wrong path, admit to “wasting” past years rather than continuing down an unfulfilling path, to prevent wasting even more time in the future.