Understand that self-trust, not confidence, is the fundamental antidote to self-doubt. Actively work to build self-trust to stop getting in your own way, loosen the grip of self-doubt, and enable meaningful change.
Prioritize developing the habit of self-acceptance to improve self-esteem and feel fundamentally worthy and lovable. Strengthening self-acceptance can make other aspects of self-trust and life easier, as it reduces the need for external validation.
Consistently follow through on commitments you make to yourself, no matter how small, as each fulfilled promise builds self-trust and reinforces the identity of who you want to become. Repeatedly breaking promises erodes self-trust and reinforces negative self-beliefs.
Acknowledge that your self-image and limiting beliefs act as a confining ‘pot’ for your life. Consciously recognize you are in this pot and actively work to move yourself to a bigger one or ‘plant yourself in open soil’ to expand your potential.
Do not wait to feel confident before taking action, as confidence is a result, not a prerequisite. Take action first to gain proof points and evidence of your capability, which then builds self-efficacy and confidence.
Recognize that your ’narrative identity’ shapes your experience of life. Actively edit the stories you tell yourself about who you are, what you’re capable of, and your past experiences to foster a ‘redemptive story’ of growth and personal power.
Recognize that personality is not fixed and can be changed through active intervention. Engage in practices like therapy, journaling, meditation, or applying tools from books to intentionally rewire your brain and alter aspects of your personality.
Ensure your daily actions and behaviors (expressed values) are consistent with the values you claim to hold (professed values). Cultivate self-trust to live in alignment with your core values, rather than letting external influences dictate your choices.
Recognize that knowing what to do is different from actually doing it. Cultivate self-trust to bridge this ‘knowing-doing gap’ and translate intentions into actions, leading to significant personal growth and achievement.
Instead of solely relying on a ’to-do list,’ create a ’to-be list’ by envisioning the qualities you want people to remember about you at the end of your life. Each morning, choose one quality from this list to embody throughout the day.
Start each morning by asking yourself which quality you want to showcase to the world today, aligning your actions and focus with your desired self-image and values.
Allow yourself to be a beginner and embrace the ‘messy imperfection’ of starting something new, rather than waiting for perfection or high-level performance. This reduces the discomfort associated with learning and encourages action.
Break the habit of constant complaining by catching yourself each time you complain and reframing it either into an actionable step or an expression of gratitude. Complaining reactivates negative brain patterns and keeps you stuck in a victim mindset.
When faced with challenges or misfortunes, shift your mindset from ‘Why me?’ to ‘What now?’ This powerful reframe encourages focusing on what you can control and taking the next actionable step, rather than feeling powerless.
Actively seek out and embrace discomfort, viewing it as a sign of expanding possibilities and growth, similar to how bison walk towards a storm to get through it quicker. Progressively increase your tolerance for uncomfortable situations to build resilience and personal strength.
Cultivate adaptability by learning to stay emotionally grounded when doubt or strong emotions arise. View emotions as temporary visitors, observe them without being driven by them, and avoid rumination to prevent them from becoming permanent moods.
Systematically desensitize yourself to fears and discomfort by practicing ‘micro braveries.’ Start with small, low-risk actions that make you slightly uncomfortable, repeating them until they no longer feel daunting, then gradually increase the challenge.
Increase your ’luck surface area’ by expanding your tolerance for discomfort and consistently doing hard things. This makes you more available to receive opportunities and capitalize on them when they arise, making you appear ’lucky.’
When setting goals, proactively identify all potential obstacles and create ‘implementation intentions’ – specific plans for what you will do when those obstacles arise. This pragmatic approach increases your likelihood of staying on track and achieving your goals.
Engage in a hobby, especially if you define yourself solely by your work or struggle with self-acceptance. Hobbies provide an identity outside of work, increase self-esteem, and encourage embracing imperfect beginnings without the pressure to perform at a high level.
View life transitions, such as children leaving home, as opportunities for reinvention. Reflect on who you want to be and what passions you can pursue now that previous responsibilities may have shifted, allowing you to ‘replant yourself outside’ your previous ‘pot.’
When setting goals, frame them around who you want to be (e.g., ‘be a helper’) rather than just what you want to do (e.g., ‘help’). This leverages identity to increase follow-through and consistency.
Be aware of the four patterns indicating a lack of self-acceptance: constant pressure to prove worth, falling into the likability trap (people-pleasing), shrinking potential due to fear of failure, and experiencing Schadenfreude (relishing in others’ misfortune). Recognizing these signs is the first step to addressing them.
Be aware of the four behavioral patterns indicating low autonomy: constant complaining, resentment towards others, blaming external factors, and dwelling on past hurts. Recognizing these patterns can help you shift towards taking more control.
When struggling with self-acceptance or fear of failure, reframe your focus from ‘me’ to ‘service.’ Actively choose to ‘self-forget’ by concentrating on being of value, impact, and helping others, which can reduce egocentric derailment and foster a pro-social high.
Be cautious with traditional New Year’s resolutions, as repeated failures to follow through can erode self-trust and reinforce negative self-beliefs. Focus on building consistent self-trust rather than setting large, often-broken annual goals.