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How To Stop Feeling Overwhelmed with Oliver Burkeman #260

Apr 19, 2022 1h 45m 32 insights
The average person has 4,000 weeks on earth. It doesn’t sound like much does it? You’re probably doing mental arithmetic right now trying to work out how many weeks you might have left. But if that sounds like a pessimistic start to this podcast, fear not. My guest today is Oliver Burkeman, journalist and author, whose latest book is Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management For Mortals. And in this conversation, he shares a positive philosophy that can help us all overcome the overwhelm, make better choices, and build a meaningful relationship with time.   We begin by talking about our concept of time and how we falsely believe it’s something we can control. We think of time as infinite and don’t realise how distraction – that modern-day temptation – is robbing it from us. Or maybe we do know time is finite, says Oliver, but we just feel overwhelmed by all the things we have to do or want to do. How will we fit them all in? The truth, he points out, is that we won’t. Many of the productivity hacks that we learn are a delusion. Time management doesn’t mean becoming more productive, it means deciding what to neglect. And once we realise we can never fit everything in, we get the freedom to prioritise. Thinking about our limited lifespan may sound bleak, but Oliver is convinced that imposing limits of knowledge like this can help us live a more fulfilled and less stressed life. We’re more likely to use time mindfully, or be more creative, when we know it’s finite.   I absolutely loved talking with Oliver and I think his words will give you plenty to reflect on. In a world of demands, distractions and endless to-do lists, this conversation might be the most useful time-management tool of all. This conversation is full of mind-blowing facts and insights but it’s also really empowering and contains simple, practical tips that all of us can use to improve our lives. I hope you enjoy listening. Thanks to our
Actionable Insights

1. Embrace Finite Time, Make Choices

Recognize that your time is limited, which necessitates making tough choices and consciously deciding not to do some things that would matter, rather than trying to fit everything in.

2. Time Management: Decide What to Neglect

Understand that true time management isn’t about increasing productivity to do everything, but rather about consciously deciding which tasks, opportunities, or obligations you will neglect.

3. Accept Limits, Gain Prioritization Freedom

Accept the truth that you can never fit everything into your life, which liberates you to prioritize what truly matters instead of feeling overwhelmed by an impossible to-do list.

4. Say No to Desired Things

Practice saying no not only to things you don’t want to do, but also to things you do want to do, because the world offers more appealing opportunities than you could ever fit into your finite life.

5. Focus on Some Things That Matter

Instead of trying to make time for everything that matters, choose to focus on a select few, accepting that you cannot do everything and letting go of the rest.

6. Prioritize What Truly Matters Today

Act as if you know you won’t get everything done today; use this perspective to make time now for something you genuinely care about, rather than deferring it until all other tasks are complete.

7. Simple 2-Step Time Management

For effective time management, first choose something that truly matters to you, then schedule at least 20 minutes for it today or this week, accepting that other things will inevitably be neglected.

8. Time Is Life, Not a Resource

Stop viewing time as a commodity or resource you possess and control; instead, understand that you are time, experiencing one moment at a time, which shifts focus from managing to living.

9. Make Conscious Life Choices

Recognize that you are always making choices about how to spend your finite time, and strive to make these decisions consciously rather than unconsciously, to gain real agency.

10. Impose Limits for Fulfillment & Creativity

Consciously impose limits on your time and activities, as this awareness of finitude can lead to a more fulfilled, less stressed life and foster mindful time usage and creativity.

11. Embrace Community Constraints

Seek out and embrace the temporal structures and rhythms imposed by community and social connections, as these can provide a fulfilling framework for life that individualistic freedom often lacks.

12. Value Communal Rhythms Over Freedom

Understand that while communal rhythms (e.g., school, family schedules) can be frustrating, they offer benefits and a sense of belonging that is preferable to the loneliness of total individualistic freedom.

13. Self-Impose Regular Sabbaths

Create self-imposed ‘Sabbaths’ or periods of intentional rest in your week, where you disengage from work, emails, and scheduled activities to spend quality time with family or in nature.

14. Separate Work and Family Time

Clearly delineate and commit to specific days or periods as non-work time, especially on weekends, to reduce friction and anxiety caused by trying to juggle both simultaneously.

15. Apply Parkinson’s Law to Work

Consciously limit the time you allocate to work, understanding that work tends to expand to fill the available time, and conversely, it can contract to fit less time if imposed.

16. Start Day with Most Important Task

Allocate the first part of your day to the task or activity you care about the most, rather than letting less important tasks (like emails) consume your valuable time.

17. Avoid Email Efficiency Trap

Recognize that becoming highly efficient at processing emails often leads to receiving more emails, creating an endless cycle that consumes your time without reaching a true ‘inbox zero.’

18. Don’t Let Infinite Tasks Consume You

If you have an infinite supply of incoming tasks (like emails) and you make it your goal to get through all of them, this will inevitably take over your entire work and life.

19. Be Intentional About Email

If you choose to prioritize staying on top of all emails, make that an intentional decision, but do not delude yourself that it won’t consume significant time that could otherwise be spent on other important matters.

20. Combat Procrastination by Starting

Overcome procrastination by recognizing that the desire for perfect control often prevents starting important projects; begin imperfectly to bring them into reality.

21. Embrace ‘Good Enough’ by Deadline

Accept that by a deadline, your work will be the best you could do at that moment, rather than striving for an elusive perfection that delays completion and causes stress.

22. Embrace Improvisation in Parenting

Accept that parenting, especially with small children, is a continuous process of improvisation and ‘winging it,’ rather than striving for an impossible perfection.

23. Make Decisions to Reduce Stress

When faced with a difficult choice, make a decision rather than endlessly postponing it, as the act of not deciding often causes more stress than dealing with the consequences of a choice.

24. Recognize All Choices Are Commitments

Understand that even delaying commitment or ‘keeping options open’ is a choice that commits your finite time in a particular way, with its own trade-offs and consequences.

25. Choose Enlargement Over Happiness

When faced with a significant life choice, ask yourself what option would ’enlarge’ or help you grow as a person, rather than solely focusing on what might make you immediately happy.

26. Be Willing to ‘Waste’ Time

Allow yourself to engage in activities that are not instrumentally productive or goal-oriented, as these ‘wasted’ moments can paradoxically lead to a more meaningful and absorbing experience of life.

27. Focus on Present, Not Just Outcomes

Shift your attention from constantly striving for future outcomes to fully experiencing the present moment, which can lead to a richer and more meaningful engagement with life.

28. Relax Into Experiences

Stop trying to maximize every experience or achieve specific outcomes, and instead allow yourself to relax and simply be in the moment, which can paradoxically lead to better results and enjoyment.

29. Surrender to Life’s Unpredictability

Cultivate the ability to surrender to the unpredictable nature of life, accepting that you cannot control what comes next, which can lead to greater peace and curiosity.

30. Adopt a Curious Perspective

When plans deviate or unexpected events occur, shift your perspective from worry or judgment to curiosity, viewing it as an opportunity to learn and discover what happens next.

31. Abandon Future Reassurance Seeking

Recognize that the future can never provide the absolute certainty or reassurance you seek, and surrender to the inherent unpredictability of life to reduce anxiety.

32. Limit Exposure to Overwhelming Issues

Reduce constant exposure to overwhelming global issues (e.g., through news/social media) to protect your presence in daily life, improving the quality of your work, relationships, and parenting.