Use the “Let Them, Let Me” mindset tool: “Let them” to accept what you cannot control, and “Let me” to focus on what you can control (your thoughts, actions, and emotional responses). This helps reclaim power and reduce stress.
Consistently focus your energy on the only three things you can control: your thoughts, your actions (including inaction), and your emotional reactions, to maintain agency and peace.
To gain control and power in your own life, stop attempting to control others’ thoughts, actions, or expectations, and cease giving your personal power away to external factors.
Reflect on your life from the perspective of your deathbed; if you cannot authentically say you are proud of who you are and how you spend your time, then make conscious changes, knowing that you are capable.
Recognize that adults can be emotionally immature; do not allow others’ emotional reactions to dictate your choices, or you will consistently neglect your own needs and desires.
To effectively address your own needs, you must first stop prioritizing and over-giving to everyone else’s needs ahead of your own.
Take responsibility for your life by understanding that your power lies in your ability to choose your response to any situation, rather than trying to control external events.
Focus on making choices that make you proud of yourself and how you show up in life daily, as this internal pride naturally reduces preoccupation with others’ opinions.
Improve relationship quality by accepting people as they are, rather than wishing them to be different, which fosters compassion and reduces frustration.
When you feel anger or jealousy towards someone, recognize it as a signal that something matters to you and that your excuses for not pursuing it are unfounded; use this emotion to spur action.
When afraid of failing, recognize that this fear is often rooted in concern for others’ opinions, not actual failure, which can help you move past self-imposed limitations.
Allow others to be upset or disappointed without feeling compelled to change your behavior to alleviate their feelings, maintaining your boundaries and choices.
Do not sacrifice your personal dreams and desires to gain approval from others, as this can lead to deep dissatisfaction, feeling stuck, and losing self-liking later in life.
Break the habit of taking out external stress and frustration on loved ones; instead, develop the ability to protect yourself from outside stressors and process your emotions internally.
Actively protect yourself from daily micro-stressors (like slow queues) by using “let them” to accept uncontrollable situations, and “let me” to choose a calming response (e.g., breathing exercises or leaving), preventing a full stress response.
Apply the “Let Them” theory to reduce internal stress caused by others’ actions, as cultivating inner calm can naturally improve health behaviors that were previously symptoms of stress (e.g., excessive sugar or alcohol consumption).
Make a firm decision to grow, learn, and change, then commit to a long-term timeline (e.g., a decade) for personal transformation, understanding that significant change is achievable over time.
Process regrets by accepting that past experiences led you to your present, understanding the lessons learned from causing pain, and committing to behavioral change as the most authentic form of apology and personal growth.
Believe in your inherent ability to change your life for the better and achieve beyond imagination, recognizing that self-imposed limitations are lies, and you always have power through your attitude, actions, and emotional responses.
Instead of viewing others’ success as your loss, see it as a demonstration of what is possible for you, using it as inspiration rather than a source of jealousy.
Stop wasting time and energy on jealousy and insecurity, and instead redirect that focus towards consistently working on your own goals and aspirations.
Recognize that others are capable of experiencing and overcoming disappointment, and it is not your responsibility to prevent them from feeling this normal human emotion.
If someone tries to guilt-trip you with disappointment, “let them,” understanding that their tactic only holds power if you allow it to influence your actions.
Consistently remind yourself that your primary responsibility is to live your life in a way that aligns with your personal values, regardless of external pressures.
End each day by reflecting on whether you are proud of how you showed up and if you lived in alignment with your values, making this self-assessment your primary daily responsibility.
When others communicate their reasons or feelings, choose to believe them at face value instead of projecting your own assumptions or creating alternative narratives.
Grant others the autonomy to cancel plans, hold different opinions, change their minds, or struggle, and release the expectation that they should conform to your desires.
Improve your relationships and your own life by letting go of expectations that others should be different, and instead, accept them for who they are.
Develop the fundamental relationship skill of accepting and loving people as they are, practicing compassion and grace instead of constant judgment, opinions, or wishing they were different.
Release the unfair self-imposed expectation that you are responsible for the happiness or social plans of other adults.
Use social media primarily for your own self-expression or business marketing, rather than editing yourself to seek validation or likes from others, which gives away your power.
Cease the self-defeating habit of trying to guarantee external validation (likes, shares, comments) on social media, as this is uncontrollable, leads to stress, and hinders genuine self-expression.
Do not alter your self-expression or identity to gain validation from others, as this reinforces an unhealthy pattern of sacrificing authenticity for external approval.
Stop wasting your precious time and energy seeking validation, chasing opinions, or trying to please others, and redirect it towards living a life that makes you proud.
To avoid a common deathbed regret, consciously choose to live your own authentic life rather than conforming to the expectations of others.
Recognize that you are the only one stopping yourself from living the life you desire, often by externalizing problems or seeking external validation; instead, cultivate internal validation.
Understand that procrastination is often a physiological stress response (freeze) to tasks requiring significant mental energy, not a character flaw.
Combat overthinking by recognizing that it’s often driven by anticipating others’ reactions; consciously choose to disregard these external considerations when making decisions.
When overthinking about potential negative reactions from others, explicitly use “let them” (e.g., “let them think something negative,” “let them be disappointed”) to directly confront and disarm the fear driving the overthinking.
Do not allow the imagined or potential negative reactions or opinions of others to prevent you from taking action towards your goals, such as applying for a job or pursuing a dream.
Recognize that the time spent overthinking and worrying about others’ opinions far exceeds the time it would take to simply act, so prioritize swift action to avoid this wasteful cycle.
Reflect on past pain and self-destructive patterns as lessons, and use these learnings to improve yourself and share insights that can help others avoid similar suffering, contributing to a life well-lived.
Remain connected to your past struggles and painful experiences to ensure your insights and advice are relatable and genuinely help “move the needle” in normal people’s lives.
When you find yourself complaining or feeling jealous about others’ achievements, stop the negative thought cycle and simply decide to take action and start pursuing your own goals.
Strive for authenticity in all aspects of your life, and commit to continuous personal growth to become a better person, learning from past mistakes to avoid causing pain to yourself or others.
In moments of despair, recognize that the missing element is often hope, not ability; challenge the belief that things are too far gone and cultivate hope to motivate trying new approaches.
Understand that if your work or message is impactful and interesting, it will inevitably attract criticism, so view negative opinions as a sign of relevance rather than a deterrent.
When facing personal attacks or dismissals of your message, recognize that critics often attack the messenger or the message they actually need, and do not let this deter you.
When communicating, aim for profound simplicity, as this approach is most impactful and provides hope to those feeling overwhelmed, rather than intellectual complexity.
When something appears easy, recognize that it is often the result of an extraordinary amount of hard work and effort, fostering appreciation rather than dismissiveness.
In relationships, allow for and respect differing opinions, even on the same event, and then openly communicate to find a solution without trying to manage or change each other’s perspectives.
While caring about family opinions, ensure you give more weight to your own, and cultivate tolerance for opposing views to avoid relationship stress.
Develop emotional maturity, compassion, and confidence to genuinely care about others’ thoughts and reasons, while prioritizing your own life decisions and accepting that two opposing truths can coexist.
When facing criticism from loved ones, understand that it often stems from concern or fear of change, not malice; allow them their opinions while maintaining love and making your own choices.
Allow others to hold their beliefs by saying “let them,” then create space to understand the deeper, often experiential, reasons behind their differing opinions.
When interacting with emotionally draining or narcissistic individuals, use “let them” to accept their consistent behavior, and “let me” to consciously choose how much energy, time, and engagement you give to the interaction.
When confronted with adult emotional immaturity (e.g., a screaming boss or rage texts), reframe your perception by imagining them as an “eight-year-old kid in a big body,” fostering pity rather than fear, and reminding yourself it’s not your job to parent them.
When you do have an emotional reaction, significantly reduce the time between the reaction and your apology or “cleaning it up,” as this dramatically improves relationships and reduces future occurrences.
To eliminate self-doubt, stop attempting to control others’ thoughts, feelings, or actions, and cease navigating your life around their moods; redirect this wasted energy to what you can control.
Build confidence and capability by consistently focusing on what you can control – your choices, thoughts, and responses – which restores your sense of agency and creates forward momentum.
Address self-doubt by taking action instead of stopping yourself, and by ceasing to obsessively push against uncontrollable circumstances.