← Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee

How To Change Your Mindset and Transform Your Life with Ryan Holiday #171

Apr 6, 2021 1h 9m 43 insights
CAUTION ADVISED: This podcast contains swearing. Today's conversation takes a deep dive into an ancient philosophy and comes out with some practical strategies that really couldn't be more useful for these uncertain times. My guest is Ryan Holiday, someone who I've been really keen to speak with, ever since a close friend of mine gifted me his incredible book, The Obstacle Is The Way. Ryan is someone who's making timeless ancient wisdom accessible to millions of people all over the world through his books and blogs. And he's making a strong case that stoicism, the ancient Greek and Roman philosophy, is a viable life hack for our busy 21st century lives. Whether you are familiar with stoic philosophy or not, I think you'll get a lot of value from today's conversation. Ryan explains that it's not what happens to us in life that really matters, it's how we react to it. We can all learn from unwelcome challenges and, more often than not, become better as a result of them. He also explains how these ancient ideas can be applied to our busy modern lives and how we can use them to build resilience and humility, and how we can use simple tools such as journaling, to help us find more stillness. I think you'll find this conversation full of powerful advice and my hope is that you find it engaging, accessible and inspiring. Show notes available at https://drchatterjee.com/171 Follow me on instagram.com/drchatterjee/ Follow me on facebook.com/DrChatterjee/ Follow me on twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk
Actionable Insights

1. Embrace the Present Moment

Stop wishing things were otherwise and accept the current moment. This prevents rejecting the ‘gift of the moment’ and wasting precious, short life.

2. Control Your Judgment

Recognize that your upset comes from your judgment about things, not the events themselves. This prevents external events from controlling your emotional state.

3. Focus on Your Reaction

Consciously choose your response to unwelcome challenges, aiming to learn and become better. Your reaction, not the event, determines the outcome and your growth.

4. Obstacles Are Opportunities

View obstacles as opportunities to become better, learn, or do something new. This transforms impediments into pathways for progress and growth.

5. Control the Controllables

Direct your energy and efforts only towards things within your control. This avoids wasting time and energy on unchangeable aspects and reduces stress.

6. Face Reality Unflinchingly

Accept and confront the reality of a situation, no matter how negative, before attempting to change anything. Change is impossible without first acknowledging the truth.

7. Abandon Fairness Concept

Accept that life and nature are not inherently fair; things just happen. This avoids wasting energy bemoaning unfairness and feeling uniquely wronged.

8. Limit Self-Inflicted Suffering

Consciously decide to move past prolonged self-flagellation or allowing one negative event to define your entire life. This prevents a single negative event from making the rest of your life horrible.

9. Extract Good from Bad

Believe that even in the worst situations, some good can be found or created. This helps maintain hope and actively seek positive outcomes.

10. Control Your Narrative

Understand that events are neutral; choose the story you tell yourself about them. This empowers you and prevents you from being a victim of circumstances.

11. Meditate on Mortality Regularly

Regularly reflect on your mortality (memento mori) to gain perspective and clarify priorities. This is a singularly valuable exercise for slowing down, being present, and valuing the right things.

12. Cherish Loved Ones, Be Present

When with loved ones, reflect on their mortality to appreciate the moment and avoid taking them for granted. This encourages presence and deep appreciation.

13. Cultivate Solitude and Quiet

Practice sitting quietly alone, confronting uncomfortable feelings. This addresses the root of many human problems and avoids destructive actions driven by discontent.

14. Guard Your Stillness

Actively protect and prioritize time and space for stillness in your life. This prevents external demands from consuming your inner peace.

15. Find Stillness Amidst Chaos

Learn to access inner stillness even when external circumstances are chaotic and noisy. Stillness shouldn’t depend solely on external quiet; it’s an internal state.

16. Practice Radical Presence

In chaotic moments, pause, breathe, and accept the present reality without wishing it were different. This helps find stillness and appreciate the moment, even if it’s crazy.

17. Maintain Daily Stillness Practice

Consistently engage in a daily practice (like meditation) to cultivate stillness and presence throughout the day. A regular practice helps maintain stillness and prevents falling back into old, unhelpful patterns.

18. Practice Personal Journaling

Engage in journaling as a personal practice, writing to yourself about thoughts, struggles, and areas for improvement. This fosters a lifelong dialogue with yourself, absorbs ideas, and gains wisdom.

19. Journal to Process Emotions

Journal for 5-10 minutes daily to process thoughts and emotions, clearing out mental ‘junk.’ This reduces anxiety, lowers your stress threshold, and prevents minor daily stresses from overwhelming you.

20. Challenge Your Own Thoughts

Through journaling, force yourself to reckon with and spell out your thoughts, opinions, and impulses. This helps identify and discard preposterous, illogical, or undesirable thoughts.

21. Establish Phone-Free Morning

Avoid touching your phone for the first hour after waking and don’t sleep with it in the room. This protects your morning from distractions and external demands.

22. Prioritize Core Work Early

Identify your essential daily work (e.g., writing) and do it as early and for as long as possible, before allowing interruptions. This guarantees daily success and prevents distraction or procrastination from derailing your main task.

23. Focus on Process, Not Outcome

Concentrate on consistent daily practices and steps, rather than fixating solely on the desired end outcome. Consistent process leads to eventual success and habit change.

24. Practice Moderation and Balance

Strive for moderation and balance in all aspects of life, ensuring virtues don’t become vices. Extremes can lead to downfall and pain, even in pursuit of noble goals.

25. Evaluate Cost of Ambition

Consider the potential costs of single-minded pursuit of a goal, especially if it compromises other virtues or relationships. This prevents a virtue (like mastery) from becoming a vice and causing downfall.

26. Prioritize Soul Over Worldly

Question your motivations for pursuing external success and ensure they align with your inner values. This helps avoid sacrificing your true self for superficial achievements.

27. Be a Solution, Not Supplicant

In situations like job interviews or auditions, reframe your perspective to see yourself as a solution to the other party’s problem. This allows you to approach situations with confidence and persuasiveness, rather than desperation.

28. Address Inner Demons

Do not suppress emotions or ignore inner demons; address them directly. Ignoring inner turmoil can lead to self-destruction and chaos, even for highly disciplined individuals.

29. Practice Self-Acceptance, Honesty

Accept your flaws and mistakes, and be honest about them, especially with your children. Acceptance is the first step towards growth and provides a foundation for honest relationships.

30. Learn from Others’ Struggles

Observe and learn from the struggles, successes, and failures of others, rather than judging them. This helps inform the kind of person you aspire to be.

31. Avoid Blame and Being Right

Resist the urge to assign blame or focus on being right, as this doesn’t improve the situation. Blame is at the heart of many problems and wastes energy.

32. Conserve Time and Energy

Stop bemoaning misfortunes, feeling singled out, or hopeless. This consumes precious time, adds stress, and prevents focusing on solutions.

33. Seek Lessons in Adversity

When facing adversity, ask what you can learn, how it’s testing you, and what opportunities it creates to rise above or help others. This helps find purpose and growth in difficult situations.

34. Serve the Common Good

Actively work towards the common good, even while accepting reality. It’s a core Stoic belief and a way to make a difference.

35. Live Meaningfully, Not Just Long

Focus on the quality and meaning of your life’s actions, rather than just its duration. This ensures your life is well-lived, not just long.

36. Study Stoicism for Resilience

Learn about Stoic philosophy. This helps build resilience and endure life’s challenges.

37. Confront Mortality to Live

Reflect on your mortality and the fragility of life. This helps come to terms with existence and prioritize what truly matters.

38. Teach Morals Through Stories

Expose children to epic stories from history, Aesop’s fables, and poems with morals. This instills wisdom and values through narrative, allowing them to internalize ideas over time.

39. Use Repetitive Wisdom Exposure

Repeatedly expose yourself or your children to wise poems or stories (e.g., through illustrated videos). This slowly internalizes profound ideas, even without conscious effort.

40. Learn Through Stories

Seek out ideas and philosophies presented in narrative or story form. The human brain is wired for narrative, making stories a powerful way to absorb and remember ideas.

41. Encourage Children’s Journaling

Introduce and encourage daily journaling for children. This helps them develop a beneficial daily practice and experience its benefits.

42. Incorporate Family Walks

Take your children for a walk in the morning. This allows for spending time together, connecting with nature, and telling stories.

43. Avoid Rationalizing Bad Behavior

When studying successful individuals, be careful not to rationalize your own worst impulses by attributing their success to those flaws. This ensures you learn positive lessons, not justifications for negative traits.