Create change for yourself regardless of what others do or don’t do, as you can’t control other people. This puts you in charge of your own experience and allows you to affect change around factors you control.
Understand that your current identity and beliefs are not fixed and you don’t have to remain who you are right now. It’s possible to override and change core beliefs that no longer serve you.
Alongside awareness, cultivate radical honesty with yourself to acknowledge your contribution to situations, such as conflicts with partners or children. Without this honesty, you risk remaining stuck.
Begin your self-discovery journey by first creating safety and consciousness within your body and mind. This foundational step is integral before exploring deeper feelings or connecting with your authentic self.
The first step to changing anything is becoming conscious of what’s happening now, including the role you play in habits that keep you stuck. This allows you to observe your habits and create space for new choices.
Learn to observe your daily habits, such as how you care for your body and mental world each morning, and how you relate to others. This helps you become conscious of your autopilot behaviors.
When triggered or bothered by external events (e.g., social media comments), turn the focus inward and ask why it’s bothering you. This practice puts you in charge and helps reveal internal areas where you’re not ‘cool’ or okay.
In moments where old habits are ready to dictate your actions, inhabit a conscious space to make a new choice instead of reacting habitually. New choices over time translate to change and transformation.
Acknowledge that you cannot control other people or their actions (e.g., making someone text you back). Focus on controlling your own responses and interpretations of what’s happening.
Move from feeling like the world is happening to you and causing your feelings, to identifying the internal factors you can change. This allows you to locate yourself as a participant and make choices.
To achieve long-term health changes, practice compassion towards yourself rather than using willpower to beat yourself up. Without self-compassion, changes often hit a ceiling and revert.
Care for your nervous system daily through nutrient-dense foods, adequate sleep and rest, gentle movement, stretching to relieve muscle tension, and intentional breath work. This helps regulate your body so you can access conscious choices.
Practice dropping into your body by attuning to how your muscles feel and consciously observing your breathing. This helps you assess if your body is feeling tense or calm.
Pay attention to your breathing patterns; quicker or shallower breathing indicates nervous system activation and a perceived threat. This awareness can be a first step in recognizing dysregulation.
When building new habits, make promises that are so small they are manageable, like five deep breaths. This helps overcome the threat of newness and builds confidence by aligning intentions with daily action.
Commit to taking five deep belly breaths every morning before getting out of bed, laying down with a hand on your belly. This small, manageable promise teaches your body to send signals of safety and primes your awareness of the tool.
Utilize breath work (like deep belly breathing) in real-time when feeling activated or agitated to internally regulate yourself and stay grounded. This helps you retain choice and respond consciously rather than reactively.
Engage in a physiological sigh, which involves breathing in (e.g., for 4 seconds) and then breathing out for double that time (e.g., 8 seconds), elongating the out-breath. This is a natural way your body calms energy and releases tension.
Explore different breathwork practices and find one that resonates with you, works for you, and is most likely for you to utilize consistently throughout your day. Consistency is key for building this foundational practice.
Before reacting, implement an ’empowerment pause’ by taking a literal pause, perhaps a deep breath, before responding or acting. This simple second can be palpable for yourself and those around you.
When feeling triggered or unable to give a rational response during a conflict, ask for a pause (e.g., ‘Can we continue this in 5-10 minutes?’). This allows you to self-regulate and re-engage in a calmer, more productive way.
Understand that you cannot truly change anyone outside of yourself, even loved ones or children. While you can urge or try to shift their behavior, real change must come from their own choices.
If a relationship dynamic is problematic or abusive, take responsibility to separate yourself by setting new boundaries, limits, or reducing contact. This protects yourself and changes the dynamic, regardless of the other person’s reaction.
Instead of directly trying to change others, focus on making changes for yourself. Your loved ones may become inspired by seeing and experiencing your transformation, motivating them to seek change for themselves.
If others don’t change despite your efforts, view their reactions and the ongoing dynamic as information. Use this information to learn and make different choices about how to navigate the relationship moving forward.
When feeling worse or thinking you’re going backward in your healing journey, reframe this discomfort as progress. Often, it means you’re becoming consciously aware of how things have truly been, rather than experiencing a setback.
Recognize that healing and personal growth are an ongoing process of evolution, not a fixed end point or finish line. Embrace the continuous movement, change, and shifting of energy in your life.
Understand that the process of healing and self-discovery is where the true value lies, not just the end goal. Embrace the journey and the discoveries made along the way.
Aim for more moments of pure existence, consciousness, and presence, simply ‘being’ rather than constantly ‘doing.’ This includes not hyper-doing even internal healing work, but allowing for states of pure presence.
Intentionally create moments of stillness and non-doing, such as sitting quietly without engaging in other activities like listening to podcasts or journaling. This helps break the addiction to constant busyness and allows for pure presence.
To effectively practice stillness and meditation, cultivate a sense of safety in your nervous system. Your body needs to feel it’s okay to stop moving and being on alert, which is a prerequisite for true relaxation.
Utilize trusted loved ones (partners, close friends) to get objective feedback on your habits and patterns. Their observations can help you see aspects of yourself that are harder to perceive with blinders on, creating space for new choices.
Become aware of how much you censor your beliefs, ideas, and feelings, often due to past conditioning or perceived expectations. Challenge this self-censorship to express your authentic self.
Make a commitment to share your personal journey, struggles, and healing process authentically. This can be a powerful act of self-healing and connection, regardless of external expectations or outcomes.
Recognize your tendency to focus more time and emotional energy on negative comments or feedback, while easily dismissing positive validation. This awareness is a step towards challenging ingrained beliefs of not being ‘good enough.’
Make a conscious choice to allow in and sit with positive validation and feedback, even if it feels uncomfortable. This challenges deep-rooted beliefs of unworthiness and helps integrate a sense of being ’enough.’