Recognize that pain is an unavoidable part of life’s events, but suffering is a choice to replay that pain over and over in your head. Focus on accepting the pain without choosing to suffer indefinitely.
Understand that happiness is defined by ’events minus expectations.’ To achieve happiness, either ensure events meet or beat your expectations, or adjust your expectations to be more realistic and accepting of life as it is.
Take radical responsibility for your emotions by acknowledging that you own them and choose the stories you attach to events. Practice choosing empowering narratives in any situation to shift your experience.
Understand that events themselves are neutral; it is your choice to charge them negatively or positively, and to react to them in a chosen manner. Practice choosing empowering narratives to influence your emotional outcome.
Recognize that the greatest prison you will ever live inside is the one you create in your own mind through disempowering stories and perceptions. Actively work to change these stories and choose empowering ones.
Recognize that happiness is your default state and is found in the absence of unhappiness. You don’t need to achieve anything to be happy, but rather remove the ‘piles of stones and burdens’ that cover your natural contentment.
Engage in reflection to consciously decide what truly makes you tick and ensure your daily living is aligned with your true self. This prevents you from just doing what you’re good at or what society expects.
Start by knowing yourself and, crucially, loving yourself, as this is the biggest missing thing in the world today. Self-love is essential because it prevents you from accepting the wrong person or situation and allows you to attract what truly aligns with you.
View your life as a credit of heartbeats, and consciously decide how you spend each second. Exchange your heartbeats for meaningful experiences and connections rather than just money or unproductive activities.
Counter the hyper-masculine, left-brain dominant world by actively practicing ‘being.’ Engage in moments of silence, reflection, gratitude, admiration, sensing, feeling, and flowing with life, rather than constantly doing, thinking, and analyzing.
Prioritize investing your time and energy into cultivating happiness, rather than complaining about life’s problems or solely chasing conventional success. Dedicate an hour a day to consuming content that supports happiness.
Instead of being influenced by what others believe you should become, define your unique ‘superhero’ identity based on who you truly are. This helps you avoid trying to justify others’ behaviors or expectations.
Identify what you are passionate about and good at, then dedicate your hours to those areas. Limit other commitments to the bare minimum to live a life true to your desired self and maximize your impact.
Avoid defining your self-worth by material possessions, titles, or external validation, as attachment to these makes you vulnerable to unhappiness if they are lost or threatened. True happiness comes from within.
Use your ego or identity (e.g., professional title, hobbies) as a utility to signal to others, but ensure your identity doesn’t own you. If you become hyper-protective or offended when your identity is threatened, you are in trouble.
Actively question the ways society, upbringing, and culture have shaped your worldview. Challenge ingrained beliefs and perceptions to uncover deeper truths and broaden your understanding of what truly matters.
Foster a happier, more compassionate world by understanding that not everyone perceives events or the world through the same lens. Recognize and respect different cultural and individual contexts to reduce judgment.
Understand that love is distinct from romance and relationships. While romance and relationships may naturally decline or change over time, true love can endure and evolve in different forms.
Recognize that relationships naturally follow an ‘S-curve’ of excitement and decline. To sustain them, consciously choose to ‘ignite it again’ by falling in love with the evolving version of your partner, rather than letting it stagnate.
Recognize that relationships can continue even after a loved one’s physical departure. Maintain connection through memories, thoughts, and by infusing their essence into your actions and purpose.
When faced with negative events (like global conflicts), choose to trigger feelings like compassion, kindness, and generosity instead of anger. This allows you to make a tangible difference and fosters personal happiness.
Continue to work and be productive, but make a conscious effort to listen to and follow your heart’s guidance more frequently in your decisions and actions. This leads to a more aligned and fulfilling life.
Reflect on the finite nature of your life and consciously decide where to invest your remaining ‘heartbeats’ – your time and energy. Prioritize activities and connections that truly align with your values and bring you joy.
Prioritize happiness over conventional success (money, fame) because hard work leads to success, but success does not always lead to happiness. Many successful people are clinically depressed, indicating a misprioritization.
Exchange your heartbeats for time with loved ones and human connection, as memories are often registered around these moments. Avoid wasting time on solitary activities like endless work or social media that don’t foster deep connections.
Review your memories to identify moments you truly lived, noting how often they involve human connection, love, awe, or new experiences. This helps you understand what genuinely enriches your life and guides future choices.
Spend time reflecting to define what you are passionate about and good at, then consciously allocate your time to these areas. Minimize other commitments to live a life that is true to what you actually want to be.
Recognize that you cannot want to be someone else without all the ‘accessories’ of their life, including their hidden struggles. Choose your heroes and models carefully, understanding the full picture of their lives, not just the visible successes.
Understand that being good at something doesn’t necessarily make it ‘you.’ Distinguish between your skills and your true self to ensure your life aligns with who you are, not just what you excel at or what others expect.
Reflect on your true dreams and question why you chase things you don’t need, especially if it costs you precious heartbeats, stress, unhappiness, and disconnection. These are irreplaceable assets that should be protected.
Address the ‘all-pervasive dissatisfaction’ by recognizing it and questioning its source, rather than trying to cure it by acquiring more material things. Understand that external additions won’t fill an internal void.
Be okay with life as it is, practicing calm and peaceful contentment, rather than constantly expecting perfection or specific outcomes. This mindset fosters inner peace regardless of external circumstances.
Understand that true love is a question of acceptance, meaning you love someone as they are, rather than expecting them to be perfect or conform to an ideal. This fosters deeper, more realistic connections.
Recognize that choosing to replay unhappiness or feel victimized is often an unconscious habit, stemming from early programming. Consciously choose to exercise your capability to focus elsewhere and break this pattern.
Realize you are no longer a child and can choose not to be a victim. This is an easy shortcut to happiness, as it allows you to stop expecting external comfort or validation for your unhappiness.
Recognize that anger is pure energy that can be channeled. Instead of using it destructively, choose to use its energy to stand up and change the world or make a positive difference.
Reduce stress by not creating rigid ideas or expectations in your head about how events (like a talk or a project) need to be. Recognize that such expectations are self-generated and lead to unnecessary stress.
When experiencing profound loss, choose to keep the essence of the loved one alive by sharing what they taught you with the world. This transforms personal grief into a mission that honors their memory and creates lasting impact.
Even in profound grief, choose to reflect on the positive aspects of what you had, such as the gift of having had the person in your life. This balances the pain of absence with gratitude for past presence.
Understand that death is an inevitable truth of life. Accepting this finality and the certainty of future reunion can help manage grief and suffering, fostering a sense of peace.
Do not obsess over past pain or loss by replaying it over and over for years. Acknowledge the pain, but consciously choose not to suffer from it indefinitely, as this is a choice.
View emotional pain similarly to physical soreness from a workout: it’s present, but you can be okay and peaceful with it, even loving the experience for what it signifies. This allows for growth and resilience.
Embrace surrender not as weakness, but as ultimate strength. Accept the unchangeable aspects of life, like loss, rather than resisting them, which is the wise way to navigate challenges and find peace.
When desiring anything from life, ensure your expectations are realistic. This is the first step to avoiding unhappiness caused by events not meeting inflated or unrealistic expectations.
Stop living in fantasy stories and expecting life to conform to them. Happiness is found by acknowledging the truth of what is actually happening and dealing with it directly, rather than resisting reality.
Challenge the belief that if something cannot be seen, observed, or measured, it doesn’t exist. Recognize that science is a method, not the sole arbiter of truth, and other aspects of life (like love) exist beyond its current scope.
Understand that life is not merely physical and exists beyond birth and death. This perspective, drawing from physics and philosophy, can help reframe loss and foster a sense of eternal connection.
Challenge traditional, Hollywood-sold narratives of relationships and recognize that an infinite number of other models exist. Define what works for you based on your needs and desires, rather than conforming.
Reflect on various scales (e.g., hookup to commitment, freedom to confinement) to define your personal ideal relationship model. Knowing where you stand allows you to make choices aligned with your true desires.
Love yourself as you are and authentically present your true self to the world. This approach, though it may deter many, will attract those who truly value and desire who you are, leading to more fulfilling connections.
Understand the ’economics of love’: instead of trying to appeal to everyone in relationships, authentically present your true self to attract the few who will value you immensely. Avoid diminishing your value by trying to be available for every possible mate.
To find love, simplify your approach: love yourself authentically, and engage in activities that you genuinely love. This attracts compatible connections and fosters inner fulfillment.
Understand that the physiological response to a negative emotion (like anger) lasts only 90 seconds. After this, any continued suffering is a choice to replay the event in your mind, which you can choose not to do.
Dedicate an hour a day to consuming content that supports happiness (podcasts, books, documentaries), surround yourself with happy people, and switch off news feeds that instill fear or negativity. This builds your ‘happiness gym’.