← Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee

How to Accept Yourself in a World Striving for Perfection with Haemin Sunim #62

May 15, 2019 1h 7m 19 insights
This week, I sit down with one of the most influential Zen Buddhist monks and teachers in South Korea, Haemin Sunim. He offers a unique perspective on vulnerability, authenticity and the journey to finding out who we really are. Haemin believes that we have become used to sacrificing the present for the sake of the future and that intentional living is key to happiness. He argues that only by accepting yourself – and the flaws which make you who you are – can you have compassionate and fulfilling relationships with your partner, family and friends.  We discuss the importance of stealing back some down-time in our busy lives and learning to say no. Haemin reveals what he does each day to bring about happiness and calm in his own life as well as some brilliant tips that we can all put into practice to improve the way that we feel. This is an uplifting and thought-provoking conversation – I hope you enjoy it as much as I did! Show notes available at drchatterjee.com/62 Follow me on instagram.com/drchatterjee/ Follow me on facebook.com/DrChatterjee/ Follow me on twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk
Actionable Insights

1. Accept Your Whole Self

Work towards accepting your own shortcomings and flaws, as this is a critical step to achieve true calm and foster compassionate, fulfilling relationships with others.

2. Practice Vulnerability

Take off your ‘mask’ and reveal your genuine self, including your ‘dark side,’ to friends and loved ones. This creates an opportunity for them to reveal their true feelings, leading to deeper, more meaningful relationships.

3. Communicate Beyond Facts

Engage in deeper conversations in your relationships by sharing your thoughts and feelings, not just factual information. This exposes your true self, fosters intimacy, and builds stronger connections.

4. Learn to Say No

Practice saying ’no’ to demands that overwhelm you to avoid resentment and improve relationships in the long run. Have honest conversations with partners, friends, or coworkers about how you feel and what is or isn’t working.

5. Own Your Desires

Take baby steps to understand and express what you truly desire, even in simple situations like ordering coffee. This process helps you become more self-aware and find out what works for you.

6. Live with Intent

Dedicate time each day to do at least one small thing with mindful intent, such as making a cup of tea, fully observing the process. This practice helps extend mindfulness and attention to detail into bigger aspects of your life.

7. Prioritize Relationships

Intentionally schedule and nourish your important relationships, like a weekly ‘date night’ with a partner. This dedicated time is crucial to prevent relationships from withering and to maintain their health and depth.

8. Engage in Community

Seek out and connect with communities of people who share similar difficult experiences, such as support groups for illness or loss. This allows you to express emotions, find healing, feel empowered, and realize you are not alone.

9. Move Your Body Daily

Engage in physical activity as much as possible, such as walking, yoga, running, or swimming. A nimble and soft body promotes flexible thinking, helps alleviate depression or unhappiness, and prevents mental tension.

10. Start Day with Calm

Practice daily meditation or deep breathing first thing in the morning, before touching your phone or computer. This helps cultivate calmness, makes you feel alive, and fosters a sense of interconnectedness, leading to peacefulness and happiness.

11. Walk and Bless Others

Go for a daily walk, especially in a beautiful park, and secretly bless natural elements and people (including those who cause you trouble) with wishes for happiness, health, and peace. This practice helps you feel more connected to others and reduces resentment.

12. End Day with Reflection

Before going to sleep, pray or reflect on someone you deeply admire and respect, such as a deity, hero, or real person. Thinking about their great qualities helps you aspire to and slowly emulate those traits.

13. Keep a Gratitude Journal

Write down five things you are grateful for every day, ideally before sleep, taking only two to three minutes. This habit trains your mind to actively look for positive aspects throughout the day, shifting focus from problems to gratitude.

14. Initiate, Don’t Just Respond

Make a list of things you want to do and actively initiate those activities, rather than passively responding to others’ requests or demands. This allows you to take control of your time and get things done intentionally.

15. Schedule Daily Priorities

Spend five minutes each morning to schedule and prioritize the three to five most important tasks you want to achieve that day. This helps you take control of your tasks, reduces frustration, and ensures key objectives are met.

16. Manage Email Expectations

Consider using an email autoresponder to inform others of your email checking schedule (e.g., twice a day at specific times). This helps set expectations, prevents frustration, and allows you to take ownership of your time.

17. Use Difficulties for Growth

When faced with difficult life situations like illness, tragedy, or job loss, pause and reflect on the meaning of your life. These turning points offer opportunities for spiritual maturity and developing deeper relationships.

18. Find Meaning in Helping Others

Realize your purpose and experience deep connection by helping and serving other people, especially your loved ones. Supporting your family, for example, can provide a profound sense of connection and love.

19. Consider Nutritional Supplements

If you find it challenging to get all your nutrition from food, consider taking a nutrient-dense whole food supplement, like Athletic Greens, each morning. This can serve as an insurance policy to ensure you meet your nutritional needs.