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Gabor Maté: Is Coronavirus Showing Us Who We Really Are? #106

Apr 7, 2020 1h 24m 26 insights
Think back four or five weeks ago. How much of what you were engaged in then seems relatively trivial now? How much has the experience of coronavirus already clarified what your values really are? When you see people standing in the street, clapping for their healthcare workers; or Europeans on their balconies, serenading each other through lockdown, how does that make you feel? For this week’s podcast, I was honoured to welcome back Dr Gabor Maté, one of the most important voices globally on health, compassion and addiction, to discuss the life lessons that might emerge from this pandemic. This podcast contains tremendous insights on the value of sitting with our feelings; how we can avoid passing our anxieties on to our kids; as well as why some of us can be so judgemental of others during a crisis. Whilst we both fully endorse the medical advice on staying at home, we discuss the social and economic damage that is arising from this essential policy. What will the consequences of isolation be on our mental health? And afterwards – will we be so grateful to go back to our lives that we’ll forget the lessons we’ve learned? Or, could this challenge be the biggest opportunity for growth we’ve ever lived through, personally and as a society? Listen now to find out.  Show notes available at: https://drchatterjee.com/106 Follow me on instagram.com/drchatterjee/ Follow me on facebook.com/DrChatterjee/ Follow me on twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk
Actionable Insights

1. Practice Compassionate Self-Inquiry

When noticing uneasy feelings, treat yourself with compassion, sitting with, noticing, and allowing the feeling, as if attending to an anxious child. This compassionate attention is a healing process, helping you understand and process emotions without judgment or suppression.

2. Cultivate Self-Awareness

Use challenging times as an opportunity to sit with discomfort, understand yourself, and determine if feelings are new or familiar, fostering deeper self-awareness. Many behaviors are distractions from internal discomfort, and this period offers a chance to confront and understand those feelings.

3. Sit with Your Feelings

Value sitting with your feelings instead of distracting yourself with external stimuli like Netflix or social media. This allows for deeper understanding and processing of emotions.

4. Listen to Your Body’s Signals

Pay attention to your body’s physical signals (e.g., tension in a specific area) as warning signs that you might be putting too much pressure on yourself. Recognizing these signals is key to self-awareness and preventing burnout.

5. Parent Self-Timeout for Upset

When feeling tense or upset as a parent, take a personal timeout (e.g., take breaths, sit and think, listen to music) to calm your nervous system without acting out on close ones. This allows you to process emotions and acknowledge vulnerability without making it your child’s problem.

6. Prioritize Self-Care for Parenting

The most effective action parents can take for their children is to prioritize their own self-care. If parents are internally anxious, children can sense it, so managing parental anxiety is crucial.

7. Be Honest with Kids

When feeling tense or busy, be honest and explain your feelings and situation to your children, rather than snapping or dismissing them. Children often understand and appreciate honesty, leading to better interactions and outcomes.

8. Involve Kids in Self-Care

If appropriate, offer children a way to help you unwind, such as playing a quick game, explaining that it would help you calm down. This makes children feel important and responsible, fostering connection while you manage your stress.

9. Inquire into Self-Pressure

When feeling self-imposed pressure (e.g., to do more than your body can bear), inquire into which ‘part’ of you is creating this pressure and its origins, potentially tracing it to childhood programming. This helps differentiate genuine desires from trauma-driven behaviors.

10. Be Vulnerable, Ask for Help

Allow yourself to be vulnerable and actively ask for help when you need it. This is a crucial lesson for everyone, especially during challenging times.

11. Practice Non-Judgmental Compassion

Cultivate compassion and the ability to non-judgmentally understand others, even those whose behavior (e.g., not social distancing, panic buying) might be frustrating. This is described as the most important skill for human beings, helping to understand others’ insecurities or trauma responses rather than just judging them.

12. Practice Daily Gratitude Journaling

Keep a daily journal to write down thoughts, especially little things you are now appreciative of and grateful for, that you might have taken for granted. This helps you sit with and understand yourself, and ensures you don’t forget these valuable lessons and insights when the crisis is over.

13. View Crisis as Growth Opportunity

Adopt a mindset that views the current global crisis as a significant learning opportunity and a ‘stress test’ for your emotional system. This perspective allows for personal growth and the development of internal resources to deal with threats to well-being.

14. Continuously Ask ‘What Can I Learn?’

As you navigate challenging times, make it a practice to continuously ask yourself, ‘What is here to be learned? What can I learn today?’ This helps you identify powerful teachings and internal resources, fostering personal growth during a crisis.

15. Reflect on Clarified Values

Reflect on how the pandemic has clarified your values, considering what previously preoccupied you now seems trivial. This helps identify what is truly important in life, such as how you feel about yourself and others, and the communality, solidarity, love, and compassion you experience.

16. Prioritize Giving Over Accumulation

Reflect on when you feel best, recognizing that giving out of free choice often brings more peace and joy than individual accumulation. This aligns with our true human nature and can be a valuable lesson from the crisis.

17. Prioritize Your Health

Make looking after your health a top priority right now. This will not only help you in the short term but also build resilience for the challenges ahead.

18. Sit in Silence to Tune In

Try to sit in silence a little bit more to truly understand and get in tune with what you are feeling. This practice is beneficial for self-understanding and emotional awareness.

19. Limit Compulsive News Consumption

Be aware that constant engagement with information about the virus, beyond what’s necessary (e.g., 5 minutes a day), can spread panic and fear virally. Excessive news consumption can be a distraction from your own feelings.

20. Form Virtual Book Clubs

Consider forming virtual book clubs with friends to discuss helpful audiobooks, listening to a chapter every few days and meeting over Zoom to share learnings. This can help understand topics like stress, anxiety, and practical ways to alleviate them, fostering calm and control.

21. Incorporate Morning Health Routine

Incorporate a morning routine, such as taking a nutrient-dense supplement like Athletic Greens, as an insurance policy for nutritional needs. Having a routine is important and can make you feel proactive for your health.

22. Seek Professional Therapy

Consider getting regular professional therapy if something is interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving goals. Therapy can help in personal and professional life, offering professional counseling done securely online.

23. Utilize Audiobooks for Learning

Utilize audiobooks, especially during times when physical books are hard to access, to continue learning and gaining insights. Audiobooks are immediately downloadable and can provide valuable information on topics like stress and health.

24. Acknowledge Vulnerability & Upset

Don’t be ashamed to acknowledge your vulnerability and upset emotions. This is part of giving upset emotions space and checking in with yourself.

25. Join a Supportive Community

Join a supportive community, such as the ‘Dr. Chastgy Four Pillar Community Tribe’ on Facebook, to get inspiration, motivation, new ideas, tips, and support for your struggles. Having a supportive community is important, especially during challenging times.

26. Share Valuable Content

Share valuable podcast content with friends and family via social media or word-of-mouth. This helps spread helpful information and inspiration to more people.