To initiate change in others, focus on altering your own behavior and the narrative you hold, as your actions dynamically influence the entire relationship interplay.
Do not defer play, pleasure, joy, and fun, especially during times of crisis, as these experiences are fundamental to humanity and essential for maintaining connection to nature, beauty, laughter, and sensuality.
In conversations, offer to simply listen, aiming to give the other person’s point of view space and validity without needing to agree, recognizing that multiple experiences coexist in a relationship.
Before initiating a difficult conversation, consciously cultivate an open and receptive ‘state of yes’ within yourself, as this mindset improves the chances of constructive dialogue.
Establish a consistent ritual, like a ’tea ritual,’ where you dedicate focused, uninterrupted time to connect with your partner, reinforcing that your relationship matters and fostering appreciation and vitality.
When receiving criticism, try to reframe it as an underlying wish or desire from the other person, which can help you respond constructively rather than defensively.
Instead of defensiveness, respond to criticism by thanking the person for reminding you, acknowledging their high expectations for the relationship, and inviting them to hold you accountable.
If you are stuck in a toxic or unhelpful narrative about your relationship, actively work to rewrite that story, as changing the narrative can change the experience and dynamics.
Recognize that relationships inherently involve a continuous rhythm of connection, disconnection, and reconnection, rather than expecting constant harmony.
Understand that you only truly know yourself through your interactions with others, as your self-perception is influenced by how others see you and how you engage with them.
Invest in understanding yourself better, as this self-awareness allows you to show up in relationships more meaningfully and with less personal baggage, improving the dynamic.
Cultivate awareness that your actions provoke reactions in others, and their reactions then influence your subsequent actions, understanding that relationships are a continuous, reciprocal dynamic.
If you find yourself in repetitive negative conversational patterns, consciously try saying something different than your usual response to change the dynamic and rewrite the relationship story.
Consciously establish routines, rituals, and boundaries in your relationships to provide structure, meaning, and protection, especially during challenging times.
Actively incorporate touch and eye contact into your daily interactions with those in your household, as physical connection is a powerful source of soothing, calming, and grounding.
Engage in both face-to-face conversations for direct connection and side-by-side activities (like walks or car rides) for a relaxed intimacy that can facilitate deeper conversations.
Engage in activities that involve physical movement, such as walking, as motion liberates and releases energy that can transform into deeper connection.
When approaching difficult conversations, lead with a positive stance, as this approach tends to yield better outcomes than starting with negativity.
When engaging in challenging conversations, understand that the essence lies not just in what you say, but critically, in how well you listen to the other person.
Begin challenging conversations by acknowledging the discomfort of the topic but emphasizing that the relationship matters too much to avoid addressing it.
When facing relationship impasses, analyze the underlying themes such as power, control, care, closeness, recognition, and integrity, as most conflicts revolve around these fundamental issues.
Remember to incorporate humor even in the midst of crisis or challenging conversations, as it can be a necessary element for maintaining humanity and perspective.
Cultivate relational intelligence in the workplace, as it is now considered a core skill for business success and employee retention, impacting job satisfaction and performance.
Understand that the quality of your relationships at work significantly impacts your overall well-being, including sleep, making them a crucial area to prioritize.
Improve your relationships by engaging in ‘relationship therapy’ through diverse means like listening to podcasts, reading books, and discussing with friends, not solely through formal therapy sessions.
If you are struggling with relationships, listen to Esther Perel’s podcast ‘Where Should We Begin?’ to gain tools and insights from real couples’ stories that you can apply to your own life.
Combat the pressure of portraying a perfect relationship by openly sharing your struggles and asking others about their challenges, fostering mutual support and learning.
Recognize and challenge the societal pressure to constantly portray a perfect relationship, understanding that seeking improvement does not equate to a ‘bad’ relationship or personal failure.
Understand that longevity alone is not the sole marker of a successful relationship; sometimes, leaving a relationship for good reasons, when options exist, can also be commendable.
Understand that you are not one fixed person, but rather different with each individual, as you are shaped by the specific relationship dynamic and interactions.
Explore various activities like walks, sitting on a bench, or shared experiences to create rituals that consistently communicate ’nothing else matters at this moment but us,’ fostering connection and presence.