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Dr Rangan Chatterjee: My 3 Biggest Failures In Life #272

May 17, 2022 1h 13m 13 insights
This week, I decided to do something a little bit different - instead of me inviting a guest onto my podcast and speaking to them about their ideas and work, I'm releasing a conversation that I had back in February with the wonderful Elizabeth Day on her podcast, How To Fail. Her podcast is about celebrating the things that have not gone right in our life and is centred around the topic of failure and learning from our mistakes.   In this conversation, I share with Elizabeth what I consider to be my three biggest failures in life. We talk about happiness and Elizabeth asks me about my latest book, Happy Mind, Happy Life. We also chat about people-pleasing, authenticity, low self-worth and the harmful consequences of doing things solely for external validation. I also share how I met my wife and why these days, I feel happier and more content than ever before.   This really was a powerful, intimate and revealing conversation. I hope you enjoy listening.  Thanks to our
Actionable Insights

1. Embrace Authenticity & Alignment

Live true to your inner values and external actions, avoiding faking happiness or suppressing emotions, as incongruence creates a void that leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

2. Understand Behavior’s Root Cause

To effectively change any behavior, especially junk happiness habits, first understand the underlying role it serves in your life (e.g., loneliness, escape) before attempting to modify it.

3. Practice Self-Compassion Daily

Talk to yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend or loved one, fostering inner well-being and setting a positive example for children.

4. Develop Happiness as Skill

View happiness as a skill that can be cultivated through consistent, small daily practices, strengthening your sense of alignment, control, and contentment to build resilience.

5. Practice Active, Non-Judgmental Listening

Offer a safe, non-judgmental space for others by listening attentively without attachment to the conversation’s outcome, allowing them to process and heal themselves.

6. Engage in Micro-Connections

Initiate small, positive interactions with strangers (e.g., a smile, a brief ‘hi’) to boost your own happiness, increase your sense of control, and foster a feeling of safety in your social environment.

7. Assert Your True Identity

Overcome people-pleasing tendencies by asserting simple aspects of your identity, such as correcting your name’s pronunciation, rather than constantly trying to fit in or avoid inconvenience.

8. Be Fully Present in Interactions

Dedicate yourself to fully mindful and present conversations, free from digital distractions, to enhance listening, communication skills, and overall presence in your daily life.

9. Reframe “Failure” at Happiness

Shift your perspective from ‘failing at happiness’ to recognizing that you simply haven’t learned the skill yet, understanding that happiness is a learnable practice that improves with effort.

10. Take Ownership of Health

Acknowledge your role as the architect of your own health and happiness, committing to small, sustainable lifestyle changes that lead to feeling better and living more.

11. Recognize Drive to Avoid Losing

Reflect on whether your motivation stems from a genuine desire to succeed or an underlying fear of losing, as the latter can come at a significant internal cost.

12. Rediscover Personal Desires

If you’ve habitually people-pleased, actively work to reconnect with and identify your own genuine preferences and desires, which may have been suppressed over time.

13. Consider Daily AG1 Supplementation

Incorporate AG1 into your daily routine to support digestion and enrich your gut microbiome with beneficial bacteria, contributing to overall health and well-being. First-time subscribers can get a free flavor sampler, welcome kit, and vitamin D3 and K2.