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Developing Confidence and Learning to Say No with Chloe Brotheridge #65

Jun 5, 2019 1h 8m 22 insights
Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you were more confident? This week, I sit down with hypnotherapist, anxiety expert and author, Chloe Brotheridge, to talk about how confidence is a skill that everybody can learn. Chloe explains that by taking small steps to challenge yourself, you can retrain your nervous system and gradually, you will be able to achieve things that you never thought would be possible.  We discuss how shame can be the root of many of our anxieties and why striving for perfection is so problematic. We talk about how we can all cultivate more acceptance by embracing things as they are. Finally, we delve into the importance of learning to say no – in a world where we are all struggling to find time for ourselves, by saying no to the things you don’t want to do, you are freeing up time for the things you do want to do and saying yes to yourself. Chloe finishes with some brilliant tops tips that will help you transform the way that you feel. This is a really empowering conversation – I hope it helps you in your lives. Show notes available at drchatterjee.com/bravenewgirl Follow me on instagram.com/drchatterjee/ Follow me on facebook.com/DrChatterjee/ Follow me on twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk
Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Self-Love

Recognize that self-love is the highest form of love and crucial for being caring, calm, and relaxed with others, as prioritizing yourself first makes you a better partner, parent, colleague, and friend.

2. Prioritize Self-Care

Understand that self-care, including adequate sleep and good nutrition, is not selfish but essential for filling yourself up first, enabling you to be more present and effective for others.

3. Reframe “No” as “Yes”

Close your eyes and imagine all the times you said yes to things you didn’t want to do, then reframe saying “no” in the future as saying “yes” to more time for yourself, your kids, sleep, fun, or passionate projects.

4. Gradual Self-Challenge Builds Confidence

Take small, incremental steps to challenge yourself, which helps retrain your nervous system and gradually enables you to achieve things you previously thought impossible, like working out a muscle.

5. Act Despite Fear

Understand that confidence isn’t a prerequisite for action; you can feel afraid and still try new things, acting courageously even without rock-solid confidence.

6. Embrace “Good Enough”

Let go of the need for perfection and instead focus on things being “good enough,” being kind to yourself, and understanding that progress, not perfection, is the goal.

7. Learn From “Failures”

Instead of beating yourself up after a setback, ask what you can learn from the experience and how to use that information to improve next time, viewing it as a valuable learning opportunity.

8. Practice Daily Meditation

Incorporate meditation into your routine, using an app like Calm, as it can improve mood, sleep quality, reduce anxiety, and enhance productivity and focus. Aim for consistency, even if not daily, as long-term practice yields benefits.

9. Practice Stream-of-Consciousness Journaling

Dedicate time, ideally daily, to write a stream of consciousness in a notepad, putting all your worries and thoughts onto paper to process emotions, gain control, and achieve clarity.

10. Daily Positive Self-Reflection

Counteract negativity bias by daily reflecting on and writing down three things you appreciated about yourself, did well, or liked about yourself, to train your mind to think more positively and grow self-esteem.

11. Set Clear Boundaries

Establish strict boundaries, especially regarding your time, and communicate them openly and honestly, as people often understand and respect your needs more than you anticipate.

12. Schedule Rest & Self-Care

Intentionally block out significant space in your diary for rest and self-care, recognizing that having every minute booked out can be detrimental to mental health and overall well-being.

13. Check In With Your Needs

Before instinctively saying yes to things, pause to check in with yourself and ask what you truly want and what your needs are in that moment, to avoid developing resentment or burnout.

14. Reframe Anxiety as Excitement

If you’re feeling anxious, tell yourself you’re excited, as the physical symptoms are similar, and this reframing can make you feel more confident and resourceful in challenging situations.

15. Reframe Racing Heart as Invitation

When your heart starts to race due to nervousness, reframe it not as a signal to avoid the situation, but as an invitation to walk towards a challenge and an opportunity to overcome a fear.

16. Tackle “Stretch Zone” Challenges

Identify activities that feel like a “stretch” but won’t cause complete panic, and focus on doing those first to gradually expand your comfort zone and build confidence.

17. Accurately Label Emotions

Use a “feelings wheel” to find more accurate words to describe your emotions beyond just “stressed,” as precisely labeling feelings helps calm you down, makes you more resilient, and enables appropriate action.

18. Distance From Negative Self-Talk

Use practices like meditation to gain distance from your inner critic and negative self-talk, helping you achieve a calmer mindset and clearer thinking.

19. Practice Self-Compassion

Constantly remind yourself to be kind to yourself and avoid excessive self-criticism, speaking to yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer a friend.

20. Curate Social Media Feed

Unfollow social media accounts that trigger insecurities or bad feelings, or take a complete break to reset, ensuring your feed makes you feel good rather than fostering comparison or resentment.

21. Share Vulnerabilities, Reduce Isolation

Be open and vulnerable about your struggles, as sharing personal experiences can reveal that others feel the same way, reducing feelings of isolation and providing relief.

22. Daily Nutrient Supplement

Take a nutrient-dense whole food supplement each morning as an “insurance policy” to ensure you are meeting your nutritional needs, especially when busy or not eating ideally, which can improve energy levels and mood.