Recognize that many mental health issues, including OCD, addiction, anxiety, and depression, are often signals from your brain that you are living in a way that is ’not true to yourself.’ Listen to these signals as they are your brain’s attempt to protect you.
In a fast-paced modern life, resist the urge to numb uncomfortable thoughts or feelings with distractions like alcohol, food, or social media. Instead, sit with your thoughts and listen to the signals your body is sending, as they are trying to tell you something important.
Accept all parts of yourself, including ‘bad’ or ‘irresponsible’ thoughts, without labeling yourself as a bad person for having them. Step back and question if acting on those thoughts would be a good idea, rather than shaming yourself.
Actively resist the urge to isolate, especially when struggling with mental health issues, as isolation allows the problem to take hold. Instead, force yourself to go out, call someone, or be around people, even if you don’t want to.
If your brain is ‘wired slightly wrong’ and you have urges to do things that are unhealthy (e.g., drink, drugs, eat junk, stay up late), consider doing the opposite. Conversely, if you don’t want to do something healthy (e.g., run, get up, call someone), you should probably do it.
Acknowledge that you know very little and have no control over future events. Understand that feelings, perspectives, and even unhealthy habits are not permanent and can change massively over time, fostering hope and adaptability.
Allow yourself to experience and go through difficult feelings rather than suppressing them, as these emotions are present for a reason and processing them often leads to feeling better afterwards.
Resist the addictive tendency to desire immediate gratification or to reach a goal ‘from A to Z without going through B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.’ Understand that genuine change and feeling better require doing the necessary work and experiencing the process.
Do not attempt to treat mental health struggles or pain with alcohol or drugs, as this can lead to destructive patterns and addiction. Bryony used alcohol as an escape when no other treatment options were available, which led to further problems.
Challenge the pervasive ‘diet culture’ that instills beliefs like ‘you can be better,’ ‘you are not enough,’ or ‘you are too much.’ Recognize that these messages prevent self-liking and are detrimental to self-esteem.
Cultivate a desire to stop hating your body, as it’s a ‘waste of time’ and energy. Focus on body acceptance rather than chasing an elusive concept of ‘confidence.’
Shift your motivation for exercise from punishing yourself or ‘shrinking’ your body to focusing on its ‘growth properties,’ such as mental clarity, space, endorphins, and time outdoors. This perspective can transform your relationship with physical activity.
Focus on actual healthy behaviors like regular running, cold water swimming, and strength training, rather than societal ‘popular metrics’ of size or BMI. True health can exist independently of conventional weight classifications.
Recognize that while you may not wake up wanting to exercise, you rarely regret doing it. Use this understanding to motivate yourself to engage in some form of physical activity, whether it’s running, swimming, or strength training.
When you engage in old, unhelpful patterns like binging, be mindful of your actions and replace a harsh, self-critical inner voice (‘you awful piece of shit’) with a more compassionate one (‘why are you doing that to yourself, babes?’).
Combat feelings of uselessness by engaging in small, everyday acts of being useful, such as offering a cup of tea, asking someone how they are, or smiling at a stranger. These simple gestures can have a profound impact on your own well-being.
Reframe mundane tasks or requests from others as ‘small acts of service’ rather than resentful chores. Acknowledge that these contributions to others’ well-being can be a meaningful ‘point of life.’
When performing tasks for others or responding to requests, shift your perspective from resentment to gratitude, recognizing the privilege of having these people in your life. This mindset change can significantly improve your feelings.
When encountering rude or inconsiderate behavior from others, reframe it by assuming they are likely struggling or in a rush, rather than taking it personally. This allows you to ‘just let it be’ and avoid internalizing resentment.
Embrace the principle that ‘you only keep what you have by giving it away,’ meaning that acts of service and generosity are crucial for maintaining your own well-being and recovery.
Be honest about your struggles, especially with addiction or mental illness, as secrecy allows these issues to thrive. Sharing openly can help others feel less alone and foster a more supportive environment for recovery.
If you feel bad or ashamed about something, put your hand up and share it, even if you haven’t met anyone else who admits to feeling the same way. This act of vulnerability helps others feel less alone and fosters a sense of community.
If a friend or loved one is struggling with addiction, let them know you love them, but understand that you cannot force them to change. People are ready to change when they are ready, not a moment sooner.
Be cautious of identifying too strongly with mental health labels, as they can sometimes hinder breaking free from problematic patterns by becoming part of your identity. Focus on understanding the underlying messages your body and mind are sending.
Become aware if you are ‘addicted to your own drama’ or have a subconscious need for chaos in your life. Identifying this pattern is the first step towards choosing a more peaceful existence.
Step back from social media platforms, especially if you find yourself obsessively checking metrics or living life ‘according to the algorithm.’ These platforms are designed to addict and can negatively impact mental health.
Recognize that constantly comparing yourself to others, especially on social media, leads to feelings of inadequacy and prevents you from focusing on your own capabilities. This comparison habit can be detrimental to mental well-being.
Select role models who demonstrate healthy relationships with partners and children, and who balance work with personal well-being, rather than those solely defined by external success metrics. This helps avoid internalizing unrealistic or unhealthy aspirations.
Question societal metrics of success, such as extreme wealth or overworking, as they often stem from a ‘desperate need to fill a hole’ and can lead to unhappiness. Focus on what truly brings contentment rather than external validation.
Engage in ‘boring things that are the key to well-being’ such as sleeping a full eight hours a night, eating well, not drinking alcohol, and exercising. This is what Bryony’s younger self would consider boring but are crucial for well-being.
Do not feel shame if you cannot adhere to culturally imposed ‘resolution dates’ like Dry January, as human behavior is more complex than binary thinking allows. Change happens when you are ready, often due to significant pain, not on a set calendar date.
If you’re struggling to get out of bed due to depression, allow yourself to stay there without self-judgment, treating it as a nourishing act. However, if you find yourself beating yourself up while in bed, try to get out, even if it’s just to walk around the block, knowing your bed will always be there.
Recognize that shame is not a cure for mental illness, including disordered eating or obesity, which can have significant mental health components. Approach these issues with understanding rather than self-blame.
Understand that your body is capable of far more than you might realize. Engaging in physical challenges can reveal its amazing potential and build appreciation for what it can do.
When undertaking physical challenges like marathons or triathlons, prioritize the act of participation and completion over obsessive focus on times or rankings. The achievement is in doing it, regardless of your position.
Accept that you cannot control everything or predict the future. Focus on the present moment, do your best, and be present, rather than worrying about what life might throw at you.
Recognize that children are not extensions of yourself; they are their own individuals. This perspective helps in allowing them to be themselves and fostering their unique development.
Allow your children to feel their feelings without dismissing them (e.g., ‘don’t cry,’ ‘don’t be silly’). This teaches them emotional validation and healthy processing.
Avoid beating yourself up over parenting mistakes; instead, acknowledge that you could have handled a situation better and commit to trying differently next time. This models self-forgiveness and growth.
Acknowledge and communicate your mistakes to your children, showing them that it’s okay to err and that you can learn and move on. This fosters a healthy understanding of imperfection.
Cease playing roles dictated by societal expectations, such as sexualizing yourself to feel worthy or attractive to others. This shift in mindset can occur when you realize your body’s capabilities and desire a different world for future generations.