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BITESIZE | Improve Your Relationship and Transform Your Life | Esther Perel #156

Feb 12, 2021 14m 26s 10 insights
Relationships are integral to our lives – they can bring us joy and happiness but navigating them can sometimes be hard. Feel Better Live More Bitesize is my new weekly podcast for your mind, body and heart. Each week I’ll be featuring inspirational stories and practical tips from some of my former guests. Today’s clip is from episode 119 of the podcast with Esther Perel. Esther is arguably one of the world’s leading and most original thinkers on modern relationships. She explains why relationships shape every aspect of our lives and why we often feel under pressure to have the perfect relationship. Esther talks us through how much the concept of marriage has changed over the past century and how our modern-day relationships are so different from the relationships of the past. Where once we would have had support from extended families and communities, increasingly we look to just one person to meet all our needs. Esther believes it is the quality of our relationships that determines the quality of our lives and she offers some relationship tips we can all start implementing today. Show notes and the full podcast are available at drchatterjee.com/119 Follow me on instagram.com/drchatterjee/ Follow me on facebook.com/DrChatterjee/ Follow me on twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk
Actionable Insights

1. Change Yourself to Change Others

If you desire change in your partner or the relationship dynamic, focus on altering your own behavior and narrative, as your changed story can influence and shift their story as well.

2. Prioritize Joy Amidst Crisis

Do not defer play, pleasure, joy, and fun until difficulties pass; these experiences are incredibly important for maintaining your humanity and connection even in the midst of crisis. Actively stay connected to nature, beauty, joy, laughter, and especially sensuality.

3. Practice Validating Listening

In conversations, sometimes the most effective way to communicate is to listen, giving the other person’s point of view space and validity without needing to agree, recognizing that multiple perspectives coexist in any relationship.

4. Share Relationship Challenges

Counter the societal pressure for ‘perfect’ relationships by openly sharing your struggles and asking others about their challenges and what they’ve found useful, fostering mutual support and exchanging ‘relationship intelligence’.

5. Reinvent Relationship Narratives

Reject the notion of a single ‘perfect’ relationship model and actively work to reinvent or rewrite your relationship story. If you’ve been responding in a certain way for years, try saying or doing something different to change the experience.

6. Discover Self Through Relationships

Challenge the idea that you must fully know or love yourself before entering a relationship; instead, understand that you primarily discover and define who you are through your interactions and relationships with others.

7. Adjust Relationship Expectations

Recognize that modern relationships often place an unprecedented burden on one person to provide what an entire community once did. Be aware of these high expectations and adjust them to avoid overwhelming your partner.

8. Recognize Relationship Co-creation

Understand that relationships are a dynamic co-creation, where your actions influence your partner and vice-versa. The relationship is the space in between, shaping both individuals involved.

9. Embrace Relationship Rhythm

View relationships as a continuous rhythm of harmony, disharmony, and repair (connection, disconnection, reconnection). This understanding helps to accept that challenges and changes are natural and do not necessarily mean the relationship is ‘bad’.

10. Support Gut Health Daily

Consider incorporating a daily health drink like AG1, which contains five strains of gut bacteria and plant-based compounds, to support digestion and enrich your gut microbiome.