Wake up before reaching for your phone and consciously identify the thoughts, behaviors (e.g., complaining, blaming), and emotions (e.g., sadness, fear) you no longer want to embody. Then, mentally rehearse who you do want to be, how you want to think, act, and feel, practicing until you can feel those desired emotions on command to teach your body emotionally to change.
To install new neurological circuitry, intentionally think about how a new, desired personality would think and live. Close your eyes and mentally rehearse how you will be in specific situations (e.g., Zoom calls, relationships), as the brain doesn’t differentiate between real experience and vivid imagination, thereby creating a map to your future self.
Teach your body emotionally what it feels like to embody your new personality (e.g., being in love with life, resourceful) before the actual experience occurs. By repeatedly bringing up these desired feelings, you can condition your body to change in alignment with your new thoughts and images.
The crucial first step to change is to become deeply conscious of your unconscious thoughts, behaviors (e.g., complaining, blaming, judging), and emotions (e.g., guilt, sadness, victimization). By naming and recognizing these ingrained patterns, you prevent yourself from unconsciously reverting to your old self.
When you decide to make a different choice, be prepared for feelings of discomfort, unfamiliarity, and uncertainty as you step into the unknown. Recognizing that your body prefers the familiar, even familiar suffering, helps you navigate the initial resistance to change.
Realize that you are not hardwired to be a certain way for life and are not doomed by your genes, but rather are capable of adaptability and change. Understand that your personality is often who you had to become, not who you truly are, which opens the door for intentional transformation.
When attempting to change, recognize and resist the internal ‘chatter’ (e.g., ‘start tomorrow,’ ‘you’re a loser’) that arises from your body trying to pull you back to familiar patterns. Do not accept, believe, or surrender to these old thoughts, as doing so will lead you back to old choices and emotions.