← Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee

BITESIZE | How To Stay Calm, Connected And In Control During Difficult Conversations | Jefferson Fisher #627

Feb 20, 2026 23m 46s 12 insights
Most of us spend our lives in conversation – yet very few of us are ever taught how to communicate well. Whether it’s with our partners, colleagues, family or friends, we often assume that being heard is the same as being understood. But true communication isn’t just about the words we use – it’s about the tone, timing and energy behind them. Feel Better Live More Bitesize is my weekly podcast for your mind, body, and heart. Each week I’ll be featuring inspirational stories and practical tips from some of my former guests. Today’s clip is from episode 571 with trial lawyer, sought after public speaker and author of the book, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More -  Jefferson Fisher Jefferson believes that better communication can transform not only our relationships, but our health and happiness as well. In this clip, he shares the three essential principles to better communication, and how to shift from reaction to reflection by making your first word your breath. Thanks to our sponsor ⁠⁠⁠https://heights.com/livemore Show notes and the full podcast are available at https://drchatterjee.com/571 Support the podcast and enjoy Ad-Free episodes. Try FREE for 7 days on Apple Podcasts ⁠⁠https://apple.co/feelbetterlivemore⁠⁠ For other podcast platforms go to ⁠⁠https://fblm.supercast.com.
Actionable Insights

1. Control Yourself in Conversations

In difficult conversations, shift your focus from attempting to control the other person to controlling your own reactions and responses, as this approach leads to greater success and better outcomes.

2. Prioritize Breath in Conflict

In disagreements or situations requiring a thoughtful response, consciously make your breath the ‘first word’ before speaking, allowing time to slow down the moment and maintain a sense of control.

3. Master the Conversational Breath

Practice the ‘conversational breath’ – a silent double inhale through your nose (3 seconds, then 2 more at the top) followed by a full exhale through your nose – to calm your nervous system and respond thoughtfully when agitated.

4. Regulate Nervous System for Communication

Develop self-awareness and actively manage the state of your nervous system, recognizing that your internal state directly influences the quality and energy of your communication.

5. Cultivate Confidence Through Assertiveness

Understand that confidence is an outcome, not a prerequisite, for effective communication; actively cultivate it by using your assertive voice in conversations.

6. Connect with Understanding & Acknowledgment

To build strong connections in conversations, ensure you both truly understand what the other person is saying and acknowledge their perspective, as both components are essential.

7. Seek Depth in Others’ Words

When someone says something you dislike, pause to question why they might be saying it and consider their underlying struggles or influences, rather than immediately reacting to the surface-level statement.

8. Slow Down Conversations

Intentionally slow down the pace of your conversations, especially when discussing difficult or worrying topics, as this practice consistently leads to better outcomes and clearer perspective.

9. Reframe Disagreement for Connection

When expressing a differing opinion, use phrases like ‘I see things differently’ or ‘I look at it another way’ instead of ‘I disagree’ to prevent defensiveness and encourage open dialogue.

10. Focus on the Next Conversation

To improve communication skills, concentrate on applying new techniques to your immediate next conversation, making the goal more manageable and less overwhelming.

11. Daily Longevity Supplement

Consider taking Thrive, a daily longevity supplement from Heights, which is designed to support healthy aging at a cellular level, enhancing clarity, energy, and resilience.

12. Subscribe to Friday Five

Sign up for the free ‘Friday Five’ email at drchatterjee.com/fridayfive to receive weekly doses of positivity, articles, books, quotes, and research to prepare for the weekend.