Instead of trying to emulate an idealized extrovert, identify and embrace your own authentic style of confidence, recognizing that confidence can manifest in various ways (e.g., quiet, powerful introvert; nurturing, empathetic healer).
Focus on genuine confidence, as authentic expressions (like a real smile that engages upper cheek muscles and eyes) positively impact others, while faking it makes you less memorable and impactful.
Consciously avoid the one-sided mouth raise or smirk, as this universal micro-expression of contempt is often misinterpreted as ambivalence but is a strong predictor of relationship breakdown and festers into disrespect.
If you spot cues of contempt (like a one-sided mouth raise) in yourself or others, address them early to prevent the emotion from growing and festering into hatred and disrespect, which can severely damage relationships.
Recognize that 65-90% of communication is nonverbal, so don’t solely focus on words; pay attention to your posture, gestures, face, pace, volume, and cadence to communicate effectively.
In initial interactions, consciously signal warmth (friendliness, likability, trust) and competence (capability, efficiency) through your nonverbal and vocal cues, as people are subconsciously trying to answer ‘Can I trust you?’ and ‘Can I rely on you?’
Be clear and intentional with your nonverbal cues to signal warmth and competence, as this provides clarity for others, reduces their cognitive load, and makes you more magnetic and trustworthy.
Understand that confidence is a cycle where feeling confident improves your outward presentation, and improving your outward presentation can, in turn, make you feel more confident.
Be aware of social overthinking and the tendency to misinterpret neutral non-verbal cues as negative, as this can erode your confidence.
If you are highly competent but perceived as cold or intimidating, intentionally dial up warmth cues to make people more receptive to you and your ideas.
If you are high in warmth but want to be taken more seriously or ensure your ideas are heard, intentionally dial up competence cues to project an innate sense of pride and capability.
Practice radical transparency by openly sharing your discomfort, anxiety, or awkwardness (e.g., by introducing yourself as a ‘recovering awkward person’), as vulnerability is a powerful warmth cue that encourages others to lean in and connect.
For profile photos, either show a genuine, big smile by thinking of something happy, or maintain a neutral expression, but always avoid asymmetrical expressions like a one-sided mouth raise (smirk) which signals contempt.
Employ a slow, purposeful triple nod (one, two, three) while listening, as research shows this simple warmth cue encourages the other person to speak three to four times longer.
When listening, occasionally tilt your head to the side, as this warmth cue encourages the other person to feel more engaged and accepted.
Start interactions, especially video calls, with open palm or open hand gestures to signal openness, honesty, and that you are not hiding or concealing anything.
To project competence and confidence, consciously maximize the space between your earlobes and shoulders by avoiding rolled-up shoulders and a tilted-down chin, which are instinctive protective gestures signaling anxiety.
Identify and leverage the nonverbal cues you naturally use that make you feel like your best self and that you appreciate in others, then hone these to enhance your authentic confidence and charisma.
Observe the nonverbal cues used by people you consider highly charismatic and consider trying on some of those cues yourself to enhance your own communication and presence.