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BITESIZE | How to Heal and Let Go of the Past | Julia Samuel #359

May 4, 2023 15m 54s 16 insights
Our family is wired in us genetically and it shows in our responses to life, our beliefs, and the ‘fault lines’ that trigger us in daily life. Could finding out more about our families be the key to knowing more about ourselves? Feel Better Live More Bitesize is my weekly podcast for your mind, body, and heart. Each week I’ll be featuring inspirational stories and practical tips from some of my former guests. Today’s clip is from episode 246 of the podcast with Julia Samuel - renowned psychotherapist and author of the book ‘Every Family Has a Story: How We Inherit Love and Loss’. In this clip, Julia explains why our present-day struggles probably didn’t start with us and how finding out more about our family history can help us heal. CAUTION: Contains mild swearing Support the podcast and enjoy Ad-Free episodes. Try FREE for 7 days on Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/feelbetterlivemore. For other podcast platforms go to https://fblm.supercast.com. Show notes and the full podcast are available at drchatterjee.com/246 Follow me on instagram.com/drchatterjee Follow me on facebook.com/DrChatterjee Follow me on twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk
Actionable Insights

1. Practice Self-Compassion

Begin your journey of understanding family dynamics by turning inward with compassion towards your own feelings, recognizing that your struggles likely didn’t originate with you.

2. Explore Family History

Investigate untold stories, secrets, and hidden things in your family history to understand that your present-day struggles or vulnerabilities may not have originated with you, but rather be unprocessed trauma from previous generations.

3. Break Generational Cycles

By allowing yourself to hear and feel the loss of past family secrets and untold stories, you can prevent passing down unprocessed trauma to the next generation.

4. Face Difficult Truths

Acknowledge that denial is a natural response to difficult truths, but allow yourself to gradually turn towards and face unwelcome news or losses at your own pace to begin dealing with them.

5. Practice Daily Solitude

Dedicate 5-10 minutes daily to solitude, sitting with yourself without distractions like smartphones or social media, to allow feelings to come up and become aware of your inner state.

6. Avoid Self-Medicating Feelings

Refrain from self-medicating overwhelming feelings or emotional pain with distractions like smartphones, busyness, alcohol, or sugar, as this prevents you from understanding and addressing the underlying issues.

7. Name and Express Emotions

Turn your attention inward, breathe, be aware of what you feel, and name your emotions, as they are transmitters of information that need to be expressed and allowed through your system to avoid getting stuck in dysfunctional patterns.

8. Respond to Emotional Messages

Become aware of your inner emotional state, respond to the messages these emotions convey, and meet the needs they indicate, otherwise, negative feelings will persist and worsen over time.

9. Prioritize Family Time

Reflect on whether you are prioritizing your time to spend with family, especially if family is a core value, to create soulful, meaningful conversations and deeper connections.

10. Difficult Talks During Activities

When needing to have a difficult conversation or broach a sensitive topic, do so while engaged in a shared activity (like puzzling or walking) to make the interaction less threatening and allow things to come up naturally.

11. Use Puzzles for Family Dialogue

Keep a large puzzle ongoing in your home as a low-pressure environment where family members can gather, engage in a shared activity, and naturally ease into difficult or tricky conversations.

12. Ask Specific Family Questions

Initiate conversations with family members by asking specific questions about past generations’ beliefs (e.g., about sex, money), upbringing, or difficulties, to uncover untold stories that may help you understand your own unvoiced disturbances.

13. Journal or Talk Feelings

Engage in journaling or conversations to articulate your feelings, as voicing or writing them down can reveal emotions you didn’t consciously know were present.

14. Voice Memo Self-Reflection

Try walking and talking with a close friend, or using your phone’s voice memo to journal aloud, as voicing thoughts can release unconscious insights and surprise you with unexpected words.

15. Start Small in Family Exploration

Dare to begin exploring family dynamics by talking to parents, siblings, or children about things that have been bothering you but were never voiced, starting with small steps.

16. Daily AG1 for Gut Health

Consume AG1 daily to support digestion and enrich the gut microbiome by increasing beneficial bacteria, as it contains five strains tested in clinical trials and plant-based compounds.