Focus on finding and healing the state of alarm stored in your body from old unresolved trauma, rather than solely trying to manage anxious thoughts, as the body’s alarm is the true root cause of anxiety.
When feeling anxious, close your eyes and scan your body to find where the alarm lives (e.g., solar plexus, throat). Place a hand over this area, consciously feel the sensation, and connect with it as your younger self asking for attention.
Once you’ve located the alarm in your body, verbally reassure that younger version of yourself by saying, ‘I see you, I hear you, I will love you and I will protect you. We will always be together,’ to foster a sense of safety and connection.
When feeling anxious, especially at night, ask or affirm to yourself, ‘Am I safe in this moment?’ to bring yourself into the present moment and disrupt future- or past-oriented worry, as there is no anxiety in the present moment.
Perform a modified physiological sigh: take two deep sniffs, expand your chest, hold for 2-3 seconds, then exhale slowly through closed teeth, imagining an over-inflated tire relaxing. This technique calms your nervous system.
Regularly practice the calming breathing technique for at least five minutes a day, even when not anxious, to train your autonomic nervous system to relax and build resilience for stressful situations.
To consciously connect with your body’s alarm, describe its physical characteristics such as temperature (hot/cold), size (e.g., grape, baseball), color, and texture. This detailed identification aids in understanding and addressing the sensation.
To weaken the alarm’s intensity, consciously pendulate your focus between the uncomfortable sensation of the alarm in your body and the felt sensation of a positive, joyful memory, realizing the alarm is not all of you.
Participate in conscious physical movements like yoga, Tai Chi, or Qigong, matching your breath with your movement, to bring your mind and body back into connection and foster self-regulation.
When distressed, cross your hands across the midline of your body and gently rub your cheeks. This action helps to stimulate the somatosensory cortex and bring you into the present moment.
Engage in chanting, singing, or vocalizing sounds like ‘voo’ while feeling the vibration in your throat. This stimulates the vagus nerve, promoting a sense of calm and sending a message of safety to your brain.
Cultivate awareness of subtle physical sensations (e.g., tingling in thighs) that precede the full alarm state. Recognizing these early signs allows for conscious intervention before the alarm escalates and becomes harder to manage effectively.
Place a picture of your partner as a child in a visible location (e.g., kitchen) to remind yourself who you are arguing with during disagreements, fostering empathy and making it easier to de-escalate conflicts.
Show your children abundant facial expressions, along with touch and verbal affirmations of love, to help mature their social engagement system and build their capacity for self-soothing and connection.
When reassuring children, place a hand over their heart and another on their back, staying present with them. Combine this touch with verbal affirmations like ‘Paco loves you and Paco is here for you’ to deepen their sense of connection and safety.
When parting ways with children, always bridge to the next connection by mentioning a specific, desired shared activity (e.g., ‘I’m looking forward to watching that movie with you later’) to reinforce emotional resonance and connection.
When telling children ‘you’re happy, you’re safe, you’re loved,’ vary the order of the phrases, incorporate affectionate touch (like a back rub), and make eye contact to prevent the message from becoming rote and ensure their nervous system truly absorbs the sense of security.
Bring your younger self (e.g., a 12-year-old version) into your present life by sharing current positive experiences and achievements with them. This helps them recognize the safety and success of your adult self, changing their perception of past trauma.