Conduct a deep dive to understand the core reasons behind your self-sabotaging behaviors, as this understanding can diminish their power.
When procrastinating, ask yourself “What are you afraid of?” or “What pain is this task bringing up?” Understanding the discomfort and underlying beliefs can help reduce procrastination’s power.
Intentionally ask yourself “Who am I? What do I stand for? What am I about?” daily to create distance from social comparison and align with your personal values.
If you are in a consistently toxic relationship and your efforts aren’t changing it, practice radical acceptance that the dynamic is unlikely to shift, and set realistic expectations for what you have.
Understand that your inner critic’s negative voices may be an attempt to protect you from perceived dangers like failure or looking foolish, rather than pure self-sabotage.
Learn to express your needs directly and healthily, especially if you were shamed for doing so in childhood, to avoid passive-aggressive behaviors and ensure your needs are met.
Break down overwhelming tasks into smaller, manageable chunks, either by time (e.g., 15 minutes) or by component pieces, to make them less daunting and easier to start, fostering habit creation.
Recognize that you are capable of forming daily habits, just like brushing your teeth, and apply this mindset to new behaviors, especially when insecurity isn’t a factor.
Practice tolerating the discomfort of imperfection by intentionally allowing things to be less than perfect (e.g., leaving some laundry out when guests come), to reduce anxiety and break the perfectionism cycle.
Avoid attaching your well-being to a single external outcome by developing multiple plans and “falling in love with your plan B,” fostering flexibility and openness to different possibilities.
Implement clear, meaningful rewards after completing tasks (e.g., a walk, playing with your dog, calling a friend) to associate accomplishment with positive feelings and motivate continued progress.
Recognize and prioritize your need for downtime and enjoyable activities, rather than pathologizing these needs by feeling you “should” be doing something else like cleaning.
Do not ignore your body’s symptoms or delay preventative healthcare, as pathologizing your needs can lead to serious health consequences by dismissing physical warning signs.
Address messiness in your immediate environment, especially your workspace, as it can be associated with mental health issues and procrastination; tidying it can make it easier to get started on other tasks.
Instead of relying on external social comparison, focus on what matters to you, your family, and what works for your life, rather than living in service to external expectations.
Ask yourself how you will proceed in a relationship if you know the person and circumstances are not going to change, rather than living on the hope that things will get better.
Identify your unmet needs (e.g., someone to talk to, people to spend time with) and actively cultivate friendships, join social clubs, or get involved in community/spiritual groups to meet these needs outside of a toxic relationship.
Share good news with supportive friends first to receive positive energy, and bad news with empathetic confidantes, before discussing with toxic individuals, to protect your emotional well-being.
Engage in grief work to mourn the relationship you wished you had, especially with family members, rather than repeatedly seeking validation or change from those who consistently disappoint.
Gain perspective by hearing the truth from others about their struggles and imperfections, and consider being transparent about your own, to foster common humanity and challenge the myth of perfection.
Instead of striving for self-love, focus on self-compassion by being kinder, more forgiving, and less judgmental towards yourself, recognizing your shared humanity in struggles.
Use cognitive diffusion techniques from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to detach from negative thoughts by reframing them (e.g., “I have the thought that I am stupid”) so they don’t become literal reality.
Write out your thoughts and feelings, diagrammatically if possible, to externalize them and gain perspective, helping you see their origins and explore alternative responses rather than internalizing them as identity.
Engage in regular journaling, whether writing, typing, or speaking, to foster continuous self-reflection and gain perspective on your struggles beyond formal therapy sessions.
Begin meditation with short, manageable sessions (e.g., 5 minutes) focusing on sensory details like five things you see, four things you hear, and three things you can touch, to make it less overwhelming and pull you out of thought loops.
Engage in the “fine art of description” by sitting in front of an object or scene and describing everything you see, to get lost in the details and break free from thought and feeling loops.
Metaphorically “lift your eyes” out of your current situation to gain a different perspective, change things up, or step outside, as even a rush of cold air can shift your outlook.
Use guided imagery or mental experiments to envision what your day-to-day life would truly look like if you achieved externally desired things, and assess if that aligns with what you genuinely want.
Aim to be a “good enough” parent, making just enough mistakes to allow your child to develop self-soothing and problem-solving skills, rather than over-correcting past parental errors or hovering excessively.
Be as mindful and present with your children as possible, even in small moments, to ensure they feel heard, seen, and recognized, which is crucial for their development.
Permit children to experience disappointment, as “bubble wrapping” them prevents the development of self-regulation skills, which are essential to avoid external coping mechanisms later in life.
If procrastination is causing significant distress due to underlying anxiety, consider therapy to explore and manage what you are truly anxious about.