Recognize that both solving life’s problems and accepting what cannot be changed are crucial for reducing distress and misery. Strive to synthesize these two seemingly opposing forces.
Avoid being solely controlled by emotions (emotion mind) or facts/logic (reasonable mind). Instead, strive to synthesize both, finding what is valid in each, to make decisions that are effective and aligned with your values.
When an emotion is intense or doesn’t fit the situation, act contrary to the urges associated with that emotion (e.g., activate when sad, approach when fearful, disclose when ashamed). This sends feedback to your brain to change how you feel.
Fully accept yourself, situations, and the present moment exactly as they are, without judgment or resistance. This practice can reduce suffering and potentially allow you to experience joy.
Radical acceptance is an active, continuous process of choosing to move towards acceptance, often multiple times a minute. When faced with a choice between acceptance and refusal, willingly choose the path of acceptance.
Recognize that much suffering comes from ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. Actively let go of these thoughts and experience the current moment to significantly reduce distress.
Understand that life inherently involves pain (emotional and physical), and acceptance is not about eradicating it. Instead, it’s about not adding to suffering by trying to escape or deny that pain.
When struggling with radical acceptance, ask yourself, ‘What’s the alternative?’ Recognize that refusing to accept reality often consumes more mental resources and leads to greater long-term suffering.
In a moment of crisis or high distress, focus on accepting the current reality rather than trying to problem-solve for the future. Effective problem-solving is difficult when emotions are overwhelming.
Acknowledge contradictions and tensions, find validity in opposing viewpoints, and seek a synthesis that integrates both perspectives. This approach helps avoid conflict and fosters a more nuanced understanding.
When seeking a ‘wise mind’ solution, aim for a new perspective that validates and integrates both opposing sides. This is more profound than simply meeting in the middle.
Recognize what makes you susceptible to negative emotions, stress, or distress (e.g., lack of sleep, excessive commitments). Proactively manage these factors to improve emotional regulation and overall well-being.
To change undesirable behaviors, systematically analyze the chain of events, thoughts, and actions that lead up to the behavior, as well as its consequences. This helps identify precise points for intervention.
Focus on improving mindfulness (present moment awareness), interpersonal effectiveness (asking/saying no), emotion regulation (managing emotions), distress tolerance (handling stress without worsening it), and self-management (doing what you need to do).
Employ the DEAR MAN (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce; Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate) framework to effectively ask for what you want or say no. This increases the likelihood of a positive outcome in interpersonal interactions.
Overcome the challenge of indirect communication by clearly and directly stating what you want or need. Avoid expecting others to infer your wishes.
When making a request, explicitly state the benefits or rewards for the other person if they comply. This reinforcement can be tangible or simply your appreciation.
When using DEAR MAN, state the facts of the situation briefly and objectively. Avoid interpretations or judgments to maintain the other person’s engagement and clarity.
In interpersonal interactions, explicitly state your emotions related to the situation. Do so without adding judgments or accusations to foster clearer communication.
If sad, activate instead of withdrawing. If fearful, approach instead of running. If ashamed, disclose or confront instead of hiding. These specific opposite actions help shift your emotional state.
When feeling the desire to withdraw, actively force yourself to engage with loved ones. This opposite action can lead to improved mood and connection, counteracting the urge to isolate.
When performing an opposite action, engage not just physically but also mentally. Fully immerse yourself in the activity to effectively change your emotional state.
Engage in mindfulness to identify thoughts and create a distance between yourself and those thoughts. This practice prevents thoughts from overwhelming you.
Engage in any form of mindfulness (e.g., yoga, mindful walking, formal meditation) to strengthen your ‘mindfulness muscle’. This enhances present moment awareness and emotional regulation.
Instead of questioning or rejecting your pain (‘Why am I feeling this way?’), validate your experience by acknowledging, ‘Of course, I feel this way; it’s okay to feel this way.’ This reduces secondary suffering.
When experiencing any emotion or pain, simply tell yourself, ‘It’s okay to feel this.’ This simple phrase can be a powerful experience for self-validation and reducing resistance to your current experience.
Acknowledge that physical pain can increase irritability and reduce patience. During such times, reduce demands on yourself, practice self-kindness, and explicitly communicate your needs to others.
Since physical pain is often internal, practice interpersonal effectiveness by explicitly verbalizing your suffering to others. This allows you to set boundaries or request space to manage your emotional state.
Develop the ability to consistently perform necessary tasks, even when undesirable. This includes maintaining routines like waking up early, exercising, and eating healthy.
Identify and question mistaken beliefs about emotions that hinder your ability to regulate them. These myths can perpetuate dysregulation and prevent effective coping.
Recognize how certain emotional behaviors (e.g., anger, crying) might be subtly reinforced by others’ responses. This awareness helps you understand why these behaviors might increase in specific contexts.
Move beyond basic emotions like anger to recognize and label more nuanced feelings such as helplessness, sadness, hurt, and fear. This is a crucial step in effective emotion regulation.
Focus on present thoughts and behaviors contributing to issues, then work to modify or change them. For example, with insomnia, identify and modify thoughts/behaviors hindering sleep.
Instead of avoiding feared situations, repeatedly expose yourself to them to learn you can handle it and that the feared outcome won’t occur. Simultaneously practice alternative, competing thoughts.
Work to make negative thoughts more balanced and evidence-based. Counter the tendency to retreat by getting active and systematically solving problems contributing to depression.
Demonstrate calm and skillful responses to challenges, rather than resorting to authoritarian or dysregulated reactions. This teaches children healthier coping mechanisms through example.
If children are learning DBT, parents and caregivers should also participate in skills training. These skills are beneficial for everyone and can significantly improve family dynamics.
Start by exposing yourself to DBT skills through videos or workbooks to see if they resonate and if you can apply them on your own. If you struggle, then seek professional help.
Even without a formal diagnosis, many individuals can benefit from learning and applying DBT skills. These skills can improve various aspects of their lives and emotional health.
A key indicator of a well-trained DBT therapist is their participation in a weekly consultation team meeting with other DBT therapists. This helps ensure adherence to the model and ongoing professional development.
When seeking a DBT therapist, look for those certified by the Linehan Board of Certification (LBC) as a strong indicator of adherence to standards. However, note that uncertified therapists can also be effective.