Consciously work to reframe the stories you tell yourself about your experiences and relationships, as these narratives profoundly shape your feelings, actions, and overall reality.
Cultivate the ability to sit with and radically accept uncomfortable emotions without immediately trying to numb, judge, or escape them, as this is essential for a meaningful life and personal growth.
Be aware that your internal narratives directly drive your emotional experiences and subsequent behaviors, often leading you away from desired outcomes; understanding this link is crucial for change.
Recognize that trauma responses often make you react as if past events are happening now; actively work to differentiate current reality from past trauma to create a new, present-focused experience of yourself.
In relationships, shift your focus from identifying what your partner is doing wrong to how you can personally improve and contribute positively to the dynamic.
Understand that self-knowledge is deeply intertwined with relationships; focus on the dual track of intrapersonal experiences and how they affect interpersonal dynamics, as one cannot truly know oneself in isolation.
Practice holding contradictory emotions simultaneously (e.g., love and anger towards the same person) rather than splitting them off, as this allows for a more integrated and nuanced understanding of relationships.
Recognize that your thoughts and feelings are not always objective truths; cultivate a critical distance from them, understanding that the mind can sometimes create deceptive or unhelpful narratives.
Reflect on coping mechanisms that once served you but are no longer adaptive in your current reality, and work to let go of behaviors that are no longer necessary or helpful.
Recognize that others’ behaviors, especially those rooted in past trauma, may not be a reflection of your worth but rather a consequence of their own experiences; similarly, understand how your coping mechanisms impact others.
View the ability to recognize when you need help and actively seek it out as a crucial aspect of resilience, rather than solely relying on internal strength.
Actively seek and accept help from supportive figures (teachers, coaches, neighbors, friends) who see potential in you, as these connections can be a significant factor in leading a richer life.
After experiencing collective trauma, actively engage in community to rebuild, share stories, celebrate, and find collective resilience, as attempting to heal alone is less effective.
Approach your inner emotional life with curiosity and kindness, avoiding contempt, judgment, despair, or terror, to foster a healthier relationship with your feelings.
In difficult circumstances, engage in basic acts that maintain a sense of humanity and dignity, such as mending clothes or folding them, as this can foster a will to live.
In dire situations, finding ways to help others can provide a sense of agency and mastery, which can be a powerful factor in one’s own survival and resilience.
Understand that your ‘will’ or desire for change is not fixed but is significantly shaped by the responses and interactions of others, especially in close relationships.
When offered alternative interpretations or reframes of past events, consider adopting the one that resonates and offers a more constructive or preferred way of viewing your life and actions.
Proactively seek out mentors who believe in you and from whom you want to learn, asking if you can ‘shadow’ them to observe and learn their craft.
When faced with criticism, use humor and playful reframing to diffuse the situation and prevent it from getting ‘under your skin,’ such as by jokingly thanking the person for trying to improve you.
Make walks in nature, such as forests, a regular ritual, as being in nature is recognized as a healing practice.
To calm nerves and manage stress, consider traditional therapies like thalassotherapy, mud therapy, walking on wet grass, and hot-to-cold water treatments, which were historically used for ’nerve issues.’
Consider seeking couples or relationship therapy earlier, before issues become deeply entrenched, as intervention is often more effective when problems are not yet severe.
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