When your inner critic is active, acknowledge its underlying fear for your safety and express gratitude for its concern, then reassure it that you will do everything to keep yourself safe, which allows a more compassionate voice to motivate change.
When you are about to engage in self-criticism, picture that a close friend experienced the same upsetting event and console yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer them.
Speak to yourself silently as if you were speaking to a friend, offering active kindness and support when you are hurting or facing difficulties, acknowledging the situation and your feelings.
Learn to approach any pain or suffering with a kind, supportive stance, as this practice can help you develop earned secure attachment and consistently meet your own needs as an adult.
When you experience failure, practice self-compassion to gain the presence of mind needed to objectively analyze mistakes and learn from your experiences, rather than being consumed by shame or anger.
When going through a difficult time in your life, adopt a compassionate approach to yourself, as this is identified as the best way to navigate personal challenges.
Recognize that your compassionate self, which is often exercised when relating to others, is already developed; consciously aim this compassion inward to immediately change your internal mental and physiological landscape.
When facing devastating news or intense emotions, allow every feeling (grief, disappointment, fear) to surface without suppression or fighting, and actively give yourself support and kindness for experiencing them.
Learn to consistently meet your own needs for help, support, or comfort, especially when frightened, even if your parents did not consistently meet them in childhood.
During stressful or difficult moments, practice informal mindfulness and self-compassion breaks, such as feeling the soles of your feet to return to the present, or placing a hand on your heart and using a supportive phrase.
In moments of stress or difficulty, use portable self-compassion practices like placing your hand on your heart and silently saying something supportive to yourself, as this is scalable and accessible anywhere.
After a negative experience, take out your phone and record a voice message to yourself, speaking as though you were consoling a friend, using your own name and offering understanding and perspective.
Instead of harsh self-criticism, use a constructive voice that identifies what went wrong and suggests improvements, offering support and belief in your ability to do better, as this is more effective for performance and well-being.
Instead of criticizing yourself for self-criticism, cultivate compassion for your inner critic by recognizing its underlying motive is a natural desire for safety and well-being.
When your inner critic speaks, discern what is useful (e.g., identifying mistakes and areas for improvement) from what is unhelpful (e.g., calling yourself worthless), and only claim the useful insights for growth.
To learn and practice self-compassion in a structured way, use ‘The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook,’ which guides you through an empirically supported eight-week program.
Introduce the concept of being one’s own best friend to children, especially around age seven or eight when they learn about friendship, encouraging them to apply the same kindness and support to themselves.
Understand that while meditation is a common way to increase mindfulness, you can also cultivate mindfulness (being aware of your suffering in a balanced way) through other practices without formal meditation.
For one week, write a compassionate letter to yourself daily, incorporating mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness, as this practice has been shown to reduce depression for three months and increase happiness for six months.
Consider exploring Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, which posits that we have different parts of ourselves that interact like a family, to better understand and integrate your internal landscape.
When facing significant personal difficulties, actively seek out and utilize your support network to help you cope.
Consider learning about Buddhism, as it can be a way of understanding the mind and helping you through stress and trauma.
When engaging in existing self-improvement or therapeutic interventions, explicitly integrate self-compassion practices to strengthen their effectiveness, even if the intervention already includes mindfulness.
If you prefer personal stories over structured workbooks, read ‘Self-Compassion’ by Kristen Neff or ‘The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion’ by Chris Germer to deepen your understanding of the topic.