Practice vulnerability by letting down your guards, as this allows deeper connection with others and enriches your life with meaningful relationships.
Actively work to change negative self-talk and internal narratives about yourself, as this is fundamental to overcoming past trauma and self-blame.
Understand that shared pain can deeply connect people; allow vulnerability and shared experiences to foster empathy and genuine connection with others.
Learn the ’trauma tree’ model (abuse, abandonment, neglect, enmeshment, witnessing tragic events leading to shame) to identify how childhood wounds manifest in adult behaviors like addiction and emotional dysregulation.
When a loved one is struggling or self-destructing, shift your response from anger or frustration to vulnerability and empathy, asking ‘how can I help you?’
Reject the idea that people are inherently ‘bad’; instead, seek to understand the underlying circumstances, trauma, or lack of tools that lead to destructive behaviors.
Actively pinpoint and challenge the internal voice that undermines your efforts to change, recognizing it as an enemy that tries to keep you stuck in old patterns.
Shift your attitude from complaining about circumstances to appreciating them, as this change can prevent negative emotional outbursts and destructive behaviors.
Learn to prioritize and advocate for your own self-care and personal growth, even when it feels uncomfortable or goes against old identities or external expectations of toughness.
Establish regular routines including physical exercise (pull-ups, dips, pushups, running), mindfulness (stretching, yoga, meditation), reading, and helping/listening to others for sustained personal growth.
For those who desire change but lack the ‘how-to,’ actively seek out structured programs or ‘playbooks’ that provide strategies and tactics for personal transformation.
Recognize that fear of failure and lack of hope are significant barriers to change; cultivate hope and a willingness to try, even if it means risking failure.
Engage in communities or activities (like 12-step programs) that foster humility and a recognition of shared human struggles, which can be a powerful foundation for growth.
When pursuing self-improvement, selectively absorb useful elements from various methods and discard what doesn’t serve you, rather than rigidly adhering to one dogma.
Acknowledge the gifts and support you’ve received in life and actively seek opportunities to support and help others, creating a virtuous cycle of giving back.
Before committing to programs or individuals, conduct thorough research (e.g., listening to podcasts, reading websites) to ensure their efficacy and trustworthiness.
Actively look for opportunities (like volunteering in prisons) that foster empathy, compassion, and human connection, as these can provide profound perspective and appreciation.
Adopt a mindset of ’endure and overcome’ to push through difficult periods by putting your head down and continuously moving forward.