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Rey Flemings: A Different Definition of Success

Aug 22, 2023 1h 6m 24 insights
Dubbed during his career as “The Man Who Knows What the World’s Richest People Want (and How To Get It),” Rey Flemings has years of experience dealing with success. He sees it every day as the co-founder and CEO of Myria, a company that provides concierge services to fewer than 100 elite clients with a combined wealth of over $400 billion. On this episode, Flemings discusses what he’s learned about wealth, money, success and happiness while on the job, how he makes impossible tasks possible, and what it was like to try and smuggle ventilators into New York City during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic.   Flemings founded Myria in 2021 and has worked in the luxury services industry since 2017. He also served as the founder and CEO of Stripple, a web imagery monetization company, and CEO of Particle, an Internet services company acquired by Apple. -- Want even more? Members get early access, hand-edited transcripts, member-only episodes, and so much more. Learn more here: https://fs.blog/membership/ Every Sunday our Brain Food newsletter shares timeless insights and ideas that you can use at work and home. Add it to your inbox: https://fs.blog/newsletter/ Follow Shane on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/ShaneAParrish Our
Actionable Insights

1. Redefine Personal Success Beyond Money

Challenge the societal definition of success as solely accumulating money, as this pursuit has no end and can lead to a constant state of wanting more, even after achieving significant wealth.

2. Practice Deep Self-Reflection

Regularly ask yourself probing questions such as: ‘What do I want to have done in life?’, ‘What would loved ones say about me at my 80th birthday, and what’s the gap to today?’, and ‘If I had one year to live, what would I change?’ to gain clarity on your values, priorities, and desired legacy.

3. Confront Personal Challenges Directly

When confronted with difficult personal challenges or the need for significant change, face and embrace them directly rather than shying away or delaying, as confronting discomfort is essential for overcoming obstacles and achieving freedom.

4. Reframe Adversity for Growth

When facing major life crises or difficult challenges, try to reframe the experience by believing that things are happening ‘for you’ rather than ’to you,’ which can lead to profound personal growth and positive transformation.

5. Embark on an Inward Journey

Undertake an ‘inward journey’ of self-reconnection and understanding, stepping outside your own perspective to see yourself more honestly, as this process can lead to significant personal transformation and improvement in various life areas.

6. Avoid ‘Happy If/When’ Trap

Recognize the ‘happy if/when’ trap, where achieving a goal only shifts your baseline for happiness, leading to a continuous chase for the next goal without lasting satisfaction.

7. Broaden Your Trust Circle

Actively seek to expand your social circle beyond those directly related to your wealth or primary focus, connecting with diverse individuals who offer different perspectives and can provide honest feedback, counteracting the isolating effects of success.

8. Don’t Envy Unbalanced Success

Avoid envying individuals who achieve extreme success in one area (e.g., career, money) at the expense of other life domains (e.g., family, health), as their lives may be deeply unbalanced, and you wouldn’t want to trade your problems for theirs.

9. Prioritize Heartfelt Personal Success

Define success by prioritizing heartfelt personal aspects such as being a better parent, focusing on family, and fulfilling social responsibilities, recognizing that these contributions can be more meaningful than external achievements.

10. Grow the Collective Pie

Shift your mindset from competing for a larger share of a fixed ‘pie’ to collaborating on ways to ‘grow the pie’ for everyone, fostering collective prosperity over individual selfishness.

11. Collaborate to Change Systems

When facing systemic problems like inequality, focus on collaborating to change the underlying ‘game’ or system rather than solely blaming individuals who are operating within its existing rules.

12. Promote Honest, Open Conversations

Engage in honest and open conversations about societal problems, believing in humanity’s innate desire to do the right thing, to find positive and collaborative solutions rather than allowing divisiveness to escalate into conflict.

13. Actively Reconnect with Community

Actively seek opportunities to reconnect with diverse segments of society and your community, as isolation can lead to a narrow worldview, selfishness, and a lack of understanding of the full spectrum of human experience.

14. Value and Support Service Workers

Be nice to and tip well the people who provide services, ensuring they are taken care of, as this small act of kindness is often a ‘rounding error’ financially but contributes to a healthier, more respectful ecosystem.

15. Advocate for Living Wages

Advocate for and ensure living wages for all workers, recognizing that a system where people work long hours but cannot afford basic necessities is unsustainable and leads to societal breakdown.

16. Embrace Truth & Reconciliation Principles

Consider applying principles similar to South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission to address historical wrongs and societal divisions, encouraging open admission, accountability, and a path forward to restore trust and move past conflict.

17. Cultivate Inclusive Exclusive Communities

Foster communities that embrace ‘inclusive exclusivity,’ bringing together successful individuals from diverse fields (not just financially rich) who are actively changing the world, to collectively address societal problems and promote broader definitions of success.

18. Parent with Patience and Freedom

When raising children, practice patience and allow them the freedom to be themselves, as this approach is often associated with raising happy and successful individuals.

19. Avoid Over-Managing Children

Refrain from excessive ‘helicopter parenting’ or over-managing your children, as overly controlling or hands-on approaches, whether positive or negative, can strain parent-child relationships.

20. Align Lifestyle with Expectations

Ensure your family’s lifestyle aligns with the expectations you set for your children, as attempting to impose a different standard (e.g., expecting a middle-class work ethic while living an ultra-wealthy lifestyle) can lead to resentment and disconnect.

21. Cultivate Humility via Perspective

Use moments of profound perspective, like contemplating the vastness of knowledge (e.g., AI’s capabilities) or the ‘pale blue dot’ idea, to cultivate humility and a more realistic understanding of humanity’s place.

22. Grasp Large Numbers Intuitively

Develop a better intuitive grasp of large numbers (millions, billions) by relating them to understandable concepts like time (e.g., a million seconds is 12.5 days, a billion seconds is 32 years) to better comprehend their true scale and implications.

23. Prioritize Rebuilding Societal Trust

Actively work to rebuild trust within society, as the economy and social cohesion fundamentally rely on it, and its erosion leads to societal breakdown and division.

24. Address Compounding Human Problems

Shift focus from solely compounding personal wealth to addressing humanity’s problems, recognizing that these issues are compounding faster than individual financial growth, as exemplified by Warren Buffett’s realization.