Define your identity by the underlying reasons and values (the ‘why’) that drive your passions, rather than specific activities (the ‘what’), to build a more resilient self that can adapt to life’s changes. This allows you to find expressions of your core self in new mediums even after significant loss.
Proactively design your physical and digital environment to reduce reliance on willpower by making desired actions easily accessible and undesirable temptations unavailable. This choice architecture helps you achieve goals more effortlessly.
Pair an undesirable task you have to do (e.g., exercise) with a desirable activity you want to do (e.g., watching a favorite show), but only if you deny yourself the desirable activity in all other contexts. This maintains its motivational power and makes the undesirable task more appealing.
Cultivate multiple layers of identity, from specific roles to deeper values, allowing you to opportunistically choose the most helpful identity layer for a given situation. This provides a ‘safe landing’ or parachute when one aspect of your identity is threatened, fostering resilience.
Consciously use aspirational identities (e.g., ‘a runner,’ ‘a voter’) to prime yourself for consistent behaviors that align with those identities. Avoid negative self-labels, which can needlessly hold you back from making progress.
Incorporate ‘get out of jail free cards’ or planned deviations into your goal-setting process, acknowledging that real life will happen. This empathy gap bridging helps you stay the course and reach goals sustainably, rather than giving up after a minor setback.
Break down ambitious, long-term goals (e.g., year-long) into much shorter, week-long goals to minimize the ‘middle problem’ of waning motivation. This allows you to experience motivational dips in a more constrained timeframe, making it easier to rebound.
When trying to change someone’s viewpoint, ground your arguments in moral terms that affirm their existing values rather than threatening them. This approach allows people to entertain new ideas without feeling their entire moral compass is at risk.
For important messages, especially in public policy or community issues, prioritize messengers who are trusted members of the community over official authority figures. Trust from peers and neighbors can be far more effective in conveying information and fostering belief.
In conversations where you aim to change minds, significantly increase your question-to-statement ratio. Instead of telling people what to think, ask more questions to genuinely understand their perspective and facilitate their own mindset shift.
When engaging with someone whose views you find abhorrent, express genuine curiosity about how they arrived at those views. Understanding their journey from point A to point B can open the door to conversation rather than immediate confrontation.
Ask people, ‘What evidence do you think you would need in order to change your mind about that thing?’ This question presupposes a willingness to change and can reveal specific points for productive discussion, or highlight extreme stubbornness.
Encourage others (and yourself) to reflect on how they arrived at their views, helping them see if there was randomness or less-than-rational thinking involved. This self-reflection can reveal holes in their own arguments.
After someone shares their point of view, restate what they said in your own words to confirm you’ve heard and understood them. This validation can open their minds, even if you still disagree with their stance.
Approach conversations with the understanding that your own logic might have flaws, and be open to changing your point of view slightly. A successful conversation can involve both parties updating their perspectives.
Define your goals in terms of proactive ‘do’ behaviors (approach goals, e.g., ‘I want to run daily’) rather than ‘don’t’ behaviors (avoidant goals, e.g., ‘I want to avoid sitting on the couch’). ‘Do’ goals are generally more motivating and promote endurance.
Increase your intrinsic motivation and likelihood of achieving goals by introducing a sense of personal agency, even if it’s choosing between options. Feeling like you set your own targets is more effective than feeling like you’re following directives.
When correcting misinformation or myth-busting, focus on making clear, affirmative statements about what is true and what people should do. Avoid stating what is not true, as people may forget the negation and reinforce the myth.
Ensure your self-assessment and identity are rooted in reality and vetted by feedback from people in your life. Be willing to revisit and update your self-perception if it doesn’t align with evidence.
To quit or avoid certain behaviors, frame your identity around the non-action (e.g., ‘I am a non-smoker’). This can create a strong conviction in the things you don’t do, similar to conviction in proactive behaviors.
Cultivate the humility to change your mind and update your opinions when presented with new information. This is crucial for individual growth and for moving past rigid group allegiances.
Recognize that belonging to a group doesn’t require absolute conformity of opinion. Foster ‘wiggle room’ within identity spaces to allow for differing views without threatening group membership, promoting wiser conclusions.
Define success as making people feel understood by you, even if you don’t agree with them. Offering an empathetic ear and seeking to comprehend their perspective fosters connection and reduces suffering.